reprieve
After I finished last night's post, I read a few Palms before bedtime. Then I slept more soundly than I have in a while.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
reflections of a weary mom
I would like to say that I came back from almost 48 hours at MOPS convention completely rejuvenated and inspired. The convention was refreshing and inspiring, after all. It was easy to cast my worries aside, by thankful, worship God, and soak up encouragement from other women and Moms. Lisa Harper, Mandisa, Lauren Dungy, Travis Cottrell (ok, he's a dad, but he led worship)... those are just some of the big names.
Yet my reality was that the closer I got to home, the more aware I was that my other half would have to leave on Monday and I would have a few days with the kids by myself. Again.
The thing that disturbs me most is the fact that I HAVE what I always wanted. I have a loving, devoted husband and two beautiful, healthy children. I worked toward my education degree thinking I might homeschool, for crying out loud.
And then reality hit. I DON'T do stress well. It's genetic. That's the core of my struggle.
Add in the stress of dealing with a contractor who shows up at the door unannounced to "follow-up," just when the boy is actually sitting on the potty and not spraying the hallway or the floor or just his clothes. I tried to tell big sis not to even go to the door, but she either did not hear my voice at all or just did not process the words I said, because there she was standing at the deadbolted door with just enough glass for the unexpected visitor to be able to hear her and see her. Drat. Where is the ugly solid metal door that you can't see through except for a peep hole when you need it? Add "don't open the door for anyone except family" to the list of things I've somehow failed to teach her - because were it not for the deadbolt out of reach, she would have opened it wide.
I am having a hard time finding the joy in the journey right now. I am so thankful for the friends God has put in my life who help me refocus and know I am not alone in this journey, even on the days it feels like a bad dream and I say things that I really don't mean to my kids out of sheer frustration.
God, grant me some extra grace. I really need it right now. My family needs it.
"Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it."
I would like to say that I came back from almost 48 hours at MOPS convention completely rejuvenated and inspired. The convention was refreshing and inspiring, after all. It was easy to cast my worries aside, by thankful, worship God, and soak up encouragement from other women and Moms. Lisa Harper, Mandisa, Lauren Dungy, Travis Cottrell (ok, he's a dad, but he led worship)... those are just some of the big names.
Yet my reality was that the closer I got to home, the more aware I was that my other half would have to leave on Monday and I would have a few days with the kids by myself. Again.
The thing that disturbs me most is the fact that I HAVE what I always wanted. I have a loving, devoted husband and two beautiful, healthy children. I worked toward my education degree thinking I might homeschool, for crying out loud.
And then reality hit. I DON'T do stress well. It's genetic. That's the core of my struggle.
Add in the stress of dealing with a contractor who shows up at the door unannounced to "follow-up," just when the boy is actually sitting on the potty and not spraying the hallway or the floor or just his clothes. I tried to tell big sis not to even go to the door, but she either did not hear my voice at all or just did not process the words I said, because there she was standing at the deadbolted door with just enough glass for the unexpected visitor to be able to hear her and see her. Drat. Where is the ugly solid metal door that you can't see through except for a peep hole when you need it? Add "don't open the door for anyone except family" to the list of things I've somehow failed to teach her - because were it not for the deadbolt out of reach, she would have opened it wide.
I am having a hard time finding the joy in the journey right now. I am so thankful for the friends God has put in my life who help me refocus and know I am not alone in this journey, even on the days it feels like a bad dream and I say things that I really don't mean to my kids out of sheer frustration.
God, grant me some extra grace. I really need it right now. My family needs it.
"Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it."
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