rough day, good evening, and recurring insomnia

today was a rough day. i did manage to swiffer the kitchen floor, do dishes and switch laundry, so it was semi-productive. and it wan't that baby bear was bad. she's never really bad. i was just in this pms funk without the cramps or bleeding. but that's what it felt like.

hubby came home, we ate dinner, and i drove to a premier training. it always does me good to be around positive people who love what they're doing and know why they do it. tonight was no exception. angel actually had reasons to be frazzled (the hose connected to her washing machine burst and her house flooded while she was away), but God gave her the grace to somehow stay focused and positive. she hasz such a servant's heart. i saw some of the new jewelry, and it's fabulous. ok, so some of it has been out since august so it's no longer brand new. but i'm getting back into things (yes, really), so it's new to me. i am excited about helping my scheduled hostesses get free jewelry, especially when it's so beautiful. the best part was not the time management tips, the booking talk, or even the jewelry. it was seeing old friends whom i've grown to love and respect in the past couple of years. no matter how my business has gone-or not gone- they have been there with open arms, and occasional e-mails just to check in.

the insomnia... well, probably partly due to my head spinning with everything i have to squeeze in tomorrow. i suspect some of the business stuff will get pushed aside until wednesday. but that is the beauty of a home-based business. you can prioritize and pick up where you left off...... preferrably after a good night's sleep.

cultural" icons"

news flash:oprah doesn't want to run for president. this guy needs to realize it before he gets sued for harrassment.

on a smaller scale, derek webb, former lead singer of caedmon's call, has released his latest album mockingbird for free download. it's not what one might expect if you have only heard his early stuff. apparently some people don't like it... what's your opinion? download (click on the icon in my sidebar), listen, and join the conversation. (more of my thoughts on this to come shortly...) i'm particularly interested in my good friends' zann and caslon artistic takes on this... i will say that i think the worley guy is trying to define art according to his terms...

good urban sprawl

when we first moved to our house, the closest grocery store was 10 minutes away (20 in rush hour). last fall, a new store opened up, along with a walgreens, about 3 minutes driving distance from our house. it's almost close enough to walk to if you care to play frogger across a busy road... and if you are just picking up small, non-refrigerated goods.

anyway, another new grocery store opened up. walking to this one, as well as the sub shop, mexican restaurant and whatever other tenants open up in the plaza, is more feasible. it's still not wise if we're buying refrigerated goods, but it's no further than the distance my parents walked to stores in the suburbs of NYC.

opponents of urban sprawl blame it on the rise of crime in the inner city. unfortunately, most of us do not have the faith or foolishness (depending on your point of view) to fight the good fight 2 blocks from the projects. i respect and admire my friends who have chosen to try to bring light into such dark places. my hubby, after spending nights patroling inner city streets, thinks they may be insane.

anyway, i'm just glad i don't have to waste as much time or gas money to get groceries. and starbucks is under construction, so i could feasibly push the stroller the mile there, get my frappucino caramel macciato, then walk home to burn some of the 600 calories i just splurged on. and if the rumors of chilis, target, kohl's and/or o'charleys setting up shop nearby become reality, we'll be even more thankful for urban sprawl. except for the increased traffic that would be sure to follow. but i'd also need a curves to move into one of the vacant storefronts.

good urban sprawl

when we first moved to our house, the closest grocery store was 10 minutes away. last fall, a new store opened up, along with a walgreens, about 3 minutes driving distance from our house. it's almost close enough to walk to if you care to play frogger across a busy road... and if you are just picking up small, non-refrigerated goods.

anyway, another new grocery store opened up this week. walking to this one, as well as the sub shop, mexican restaurant and whatever other tenants open up in the plaza, is more feasible. it's still not wise if we're buying refrigerated goods, but it's no further than the distance my parents walked to stores in the suburbs of NYC.

opponents of urban sprawl blame it on the rise of crime in the inner city. proponents blame the crime on the urban sprawl. unfortunately, most of us do not have the faith or foolishness (depending on your point of view) to fight the good fight 2 blocks from the projects. i respect and admire my friends who have chosen to try to bring light into such dark places. my hubby, after spending nights patroling inner city streets, thinks they may be insane. ok, enough sociological commentary...

anyway, i'm just glad i don't have to waste as much time or gas money to get groceries. and starbucks is under construction, so in a couple of months, i could feasibly push the stroller the mile there, get my frappucino caramel macciato, then walk home to burn some of the 600 calories i just splurged on. (oh wait, in a couple of months i'll want hot drink if i walk that far.) and if the rumors of chilis, target, kohl's and/or o'charleys setting up shop nearby become reality, we'll be even more thankful for urban sprawl. except for the increased traffic that would be sure to follow. but i'd also need a curves to move into one of the vacant storefronts due to the restaurants tempting me not to cook.

blast from the past?

we got a phone call on our home phone last night around 9:30 p.m. most people who call us that late use our cells, so it took us a little bit by surprise. the caller was the class president of hubby's high school class. he had apparently tracked us down through gramma, and was calling to let hubby know of their upcoming class reunion.

we aren't sure if we're going yet... if we do, gramma will be thrilled to see her great-grandbaby, and then she'll get to see her 2 weeks later, when she flies to TN to join in the 1st birthday celebration.

apparently 80% of the class still lives within 30 miles of the small town where they went to school. hubby logged onto classmates, something i've never seen him do before, and discovered that one of his old buddies is married with kids.

the reunion sounds like it will be pretty casual, culminating with people hitting the bars in the small town. i think we'll skip that part if we go. it would be interesting to meet some of the people my hubby grew up with, hear a little more about what he was like growing up (from non-family perspective). it's strange to consider that we'll probably be the most southern-sounding pair there. unless our midwest accents instinctively kick back in... that is, if we go, of course...

Update on baby Charity...

After reviewing the recent ultrasounds.. the doctor has changed this sweet unborn baby's diagnosis from spina-bifida to encephalocele and hydrocephalus. This means that Charity may be able to be birthed vaginally instead of via c-section. There is a cyst/attachment where the plates of the skull join on the back, but it does not appear to have anybrain cells inside of it.
The overall prognosis is she may live minutes to weeks to months to years....
continue to pray for Charity's Mom, Amy, as well as her twin sister, Hannah as they continue to develop inside the womb. Pray for healing, and most of all for peace for the family as their is so much uncertainty surrounding this little baby's health. Pray for Adam and Pat Hall, the proud and concerned grandparents, as they help their children. Their son Reid's wife is also expecting a little girl within a few weeks of their daughter Amy's twins. Reid livez in Texas, Amy is in Tennessee.

hubby's turning into a mechanic

he spent yesterday afternoon tracking down parts, and this morning he went to a co-worker's house to use the floor jacks and do the work. firestone wanted to charge way too much and we don't know if we can trust any of the local guys. so his co-worker offered to help with maintenance repairs on our '99 mazda. cv boots, brakes, and some wires that may be causing the engine to be sluggish all needed replacing... these things happen when a car hits 100K miles. the things one will do to save $$$. i get the cheap haircut, hubby turns into a mechanic. i have to say, my "sacrifice" is much easier to bear.

i got a haircut yesterday. quite a few of them, actually. i long for the day when i can go to a full- service salon again, get the pampering treatment with the scalp massage during the shampoo, etc... until then, it's the cheap place next to the grocery store down the road for me. at least my stylist is a decent conversationalist. she cuts my hair as well as half the people i've had at the expensive place. i'll stop here, before i say some things i'll later regret. at least hubby was home to take care of baby so i could go out by myself.

One of the things I appreciate most abut where we attend church is the reminder of how the Gospel of salvation through Jesus Christ should affect a believer's life. While the churches I grew up in often gave lip service to salvation by grace through faith alone, works were always attached. Not that we should not seek to honor God through our actions, but works and guilt always seemed to coincide together, pushing grace to the back burner. Grace was often acted out as "thank God I'm not like that" (you fill in the blank if you want to). Even in college, while I was blessed to be surrounded by believers who genuinely seemed to seek the Lord's glory, there was a constant reminder that many people just didn't feel comfortable in the campus ministry I was part of. Perhaps because they felt judged instead of loved by those who should have been instruments of God's grace? But I digress, that's another blog entry for another time... today, I want to share some notes on community that were given to our Mom's fellowship by Darlene Smith, our pastor's wife.

Marks of Gospel-Community for Mothers of Pre-schoolers
(if you are not a MOP, they still apply in some form, I promise)

1. The gospel frees us from trying to validate ourselves through our performance as mothers.

2. The gospel frees us to admit when we are overwhelmed, exhausted and not sure we can go on. We don't have to pretend!

3. The gospel frees us to humble ourselves before one another, and seek prayer, encouragement, counsel and hope. We are called to bear one another's burdens, not preen before one another with our perfect parenting.

4. The gospel frees us from comparing ourselves to one another as mothers.... How our kids dress, behave, where our kids are in their developmental stages, and how they achieve.

5. The gospel frees us from getting stuck in a sense of failure, AND from boasting in a sense of success.

6. The gospel frees us from the fears of being the worst of our mothers, or not measuring up to the agenda of our mothers, or mothers-in-law.

7. The gospel frees us to know that our children mean a lot more to Jesus than they do to us. We can trust Jesus with our children.

8. The gospel frees us to give to eacho other when we don't feel like we have anuthing to give. Oh the power of a little encouragement! Remember, we have this treasure in a jar of clay... we help one another the most when we care for one another from a place of brokenness, not a place of strength.

9. The gospel frees us to call each other to 'gosepl sanity" over and over. We fall back into performance-based living all the time!

10. The gospel calls us to the joy and peace God's grace alone can bring.
******
In case you don't know the Gospel, it's a simple as these verses:

• John 3:16- "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life."

• Ephesians 2:8- "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast."

I pray that all will accept God's gift of salvation through Jesus alone, and that we may rejoice in these implications of the good news in our lives.

be sure to check out the new photos on baby bear's blog! i went a little crazy tonight. hubby let me use the new computer, which made it much easier than craning my neck to see the big monitor that we have the old laptop connected to 3 feet from the keyboard. (consequences of my busting the monitor in the process of trying to kill a spider.)

Where were you on 9-11?

I was at Cordova High School, teaching Spanish 1. My 4th period class was arriving. This was my most difficult class to teach, or I should say to manage. The variety of colorful personalities combined with the complacency of youth. Just plain laziness in some cases. By the end of the year, these kids would grow on me.

I think back on that day and remember faces, but not names. Scary. I'm too young to forget names already. It's only been 5 years since I left CHS.

Anyway, I forget a lot of the names. I very clearly remember the students coming in and asking "Mrs. Tomas, have you head what happened in New York?"
"What?" I thought it was going to be a punchline for a stupid joke, anything to get me to put off the day's vocab quiz.
"Two planes just flew into the twin towers?"
Was this some kind of sick joke? "You've heard a rumor right? A threat?" I asked.
"No, really, turn on Channel One."
Ah, Channel One. It had been around since I was in high school. Since when did these kids start watching Channel One? Ok, some did. But most in this class ignored it. And besides, it wasn't our"time" to watch. That was for after lunch.

I turned on the tv. Not even these kids would make up a story like this. Sure enough, there they were. Images of buildings I had seen in person, smoldering. Replays of two airplanes purposefully crashing into the mirrored twin towers.

My brain started spinning. I thought of relatives who could potentially be anywhere near the towers... Uncle Alan... he was with Mom and Dad visiting Aunt Andrea and Uncle Gary in California. Grandpa? He lived in a suburb, but his companion Micki lived somewhere in Manhattan. Tom? (Now that I think of it, I believe Grandpa was in Big Bear for that trip, too.)
I didn't believe it. The thought was absurd.

I remember facing a dilemna. As I said earlier, this class was my most difficult class to manage. It was only my 2nd year of teaching, and obviously I had not experienced anything like this during my own years as a student. I chose to try to maintain a sense of normalcy. Yes, the quiz would go on. (I dropped the lowest quiz grade each marking period, I figured that would help.) Plus, this was the class in which over 50% just didn't study. There was no bell curve, they were one extreme or the other. I knew that the kids who had studied would be ok, those who hadn't wanted to blame failing yet another quiz on something anyway.

I gave the kids time to review and pull their thoughts together. I had to pull my thoughts together. I did choose to ditch the lesson plan, except for the quiz. After the quiz, I turned the tv back on. History was happening. America had been attacked. Our illusion of security had been shattered. On September 11, 2001 I saw kids become adults in a certain way. I couldn't come out and directly tell each one of them how I hoped this would make them grow up. I don't think any of us could completely understand. But the funny thing was, I did not need to tell these kids to grow up. For once, these "traviesos" were not up to anything, they were vulnerable. Their facade of teenage immortality had been shattered. Their faces reflected the confusion and shock that the rest of the nation shared.

I vaguely remember the principal making some sort of announcement that we should try to continue and utilize all educational time as usual. But this day was not "class as usual". These were not elementary students whose parents should be the ones to explain what happened. So for me and my students, other than the quiz, it was a day for us to be a part of history. We watched the news in horror and sadness. Even though there is officially no prayer in public schools, I am sure I wasn't the only one praying for the families of those who perished.

Tomorrow, on the 5th anniversary of the September 11th attacks on America, I wonder what my former students will remember about that day....

pray for these precious unborn babies...

the minister who officiated our wedding ceremony sent me this request, and i told him i would forward it on to all who will pray...

he and his wife are expecting 3 more granddaughters in October/November.
One of them, Charity Promise, has been diagnosed with Spina Bifida. Her twin sister, Hannah Ruth, appears healthy. The 3rd (the twins' cousin) is also healthy as far as we know.

Please pray for healing for Charity, for a miracle that would show everyone "God did this." If complete healing is not how Hechooses to answer, please pray for her parents, grandparents, and siblings as they adjust to life with a special needs baby girl. Pray that God will be glorified in her life. Wouldn't it be awesome if the doctors are perplexed as to why they "had" to do a c-section when she is born? (Right now that sounds like the safest option with her diagnosis.)

And while we're praying for unborn little ones...
pray for my very good friend Stephanie and her little girl Caroline Ashley, due 11/21. So far so good in their pregnancy. Pray that hubby/daddy will return home from Iraq in time for his first child's birth. Pray that the pregnancy continues to be happy and healthy, etc...

miscellany...

last weekend, we were with hubby's brother, sister, and families in indy. the girls (em, mad & hannah) were full speed ahead, as would be expected from a 5year old and almost 3 and 1 year olds.

this week, we slowed down a little. we had a leisurely lunch with my brother and his wife on the river overlooking louisville on our way home. we must take a weekend to visit them some time.

we returned home, and my allergies turned into a cold... which hannah caught. i thought we were better yesterday, so we took anna's frozen stuffed peppers down to the intended recipients... as soon as i arrived, i knew i'd made a mistake. not because of who i was visiting, but because the drive had exhausted me. on the way down (it's 50 plus miles from our house o dear friends'), I noticed that the fall colors are creeping into middle tn. a hint of yellow is peeking through the green. but by the time we got there, i was exhausted from the drive. i love scenic drives. i was reminded of childhood trips to Porter's Orchard in Michigan when I passed the Morning Glory Orchard just south of Nolensville. (Although Porter's is much larger business. I remember they used to have homemade doughnuts. Better than Krispy Kreme... real cake donuts that taste awesome dipped in fresh cider, hot or cold..) Perhaps last weekend's crisp air in Indy helped bring back those memories.

we enjoyed our short visit, isabella is 11 days older than hannah and walking quite well. (hannah is content to cruise or crawl for the time being.) i hope we didn't share too many germs...

i just talked to my parents...
God opened up doors for him to display his paintings and some of his photography at a luxury development in NC today. the response seemed positive, and the owner of the gallery that he "accidentally" pulled into to let a cop pass him a few weeks ago is going to designate a wall to his artwork. Dad's paintings and photography reflect something he's been passionate about as long as I can remember... God's creation. He's dabbled in various art forms for as long as I can remember... photography, ceramics, woodwork, folk art (Painting on wood). Most recently, his paintings have been inspired by the beauty of the Smokies and other parks, especially waterfalls. He uses acrylics, but his paintings don't look like the "craft acrylic"... they are detailed and you can see that he puts his heart into each one. They sold one and generated interest. It's an open door to a whole different world for him. It il be interesting to see how this story unfolds.

While my parents had an exciting day, we relaxed.
I'm still in my PJ's from last night (I might as well not bother changing them). First, we attempted to sleep in, but Hannah had slept 12 hours and was ready to party. We did Later,we did a little house work, played with Hannah a lot. Except for the return of Hannah's runny nose and the return of my fatigue and stuffy head, it was a perfect Saturday.

i opened my mail box to a shocking realization today... my baby is growing up.

ok, so that tends to be the subject of many posts. it seems she's always doing something that astounds me.

this time, it was her nursery assignment. she's moving up 5 rooms. ok, so one room is a crib room that is shared by the wee ones just for naps. baby bear has been in the 1st nursery room since she was little, we knew she would be moving up... but 5 rooms?

the 2nd part of the shock was that the room she is assigned to is the room i help in twice a month. those kids seem so old compared to my baby!!!!

ah, but wait a minute. those kids are just turning 2, or about to turn 2. when they started last fall, they were close to my baby's current age. they just grew up in the last year. and since i didn't start working with them until january or so, i only watched them grow for half of a year. so it must be true that when they entered this class, some of them were not even walking yet.

the 5 room thing is still kind of surprising, until i think of the number of wee ones that have been born since my baby bear.

my baby-turning toddler is begging for me to play with her and her blocks. gotta go before she grows up too fast and enters kindergarten while i'm online.

1. One book that changed your life:
The Holy Bible

2. One book that you’ve read more than once:
Anne of Green Gables, Little House on the Prairie (CRT, you really shouldn't be surprised), The Secret Garden, This Present Darkness, Piercing the Darkness

3. One book you’d want on a desert island:
my Bible, my journal

4. One book that made you laugh:
lots of them... most recently, Guess How Much I Love You (because my baby laughed at me attempting to act it out and she often giggles when I act stupid)

5. One book that made you cry:
The Red Tent, On Becoming Babywise & Secrets of the Baby Whisperer (not necessarily while reading them, but after I realized how they are not the "bibles" of raising an infant, as some had claimed), The Letter Box, An Arrow Pointing to Heaven, Redeeming Love

6. One book that you wish had been written:
maybe I'll write it myself when I figure it out

7. One book you wish had never been written:
The Book of Mormon, The Koran

8. One book you’re currently reading: the Mommy Manual- Barbara Curtis

9. One book you’ve been meaning to read:
Harry Potter series, Dr. Sears' books, Twelve Extraordinary Women, The Five Love Languages

10. Now tag five people:
Zann
Angela
Steph
Becca
Gina

downtime with family...


i must say, i've been very blessed. i married into a family where "in-law" hardly has any meaning anymore. it's a formality, something that does not really exist other than as a title. half the time, my mother-in-law doesn't seem to hear me when i call her by her first name. miraculously, if i just say "mom", i can get her attention.

i had hoped to go to south georgia to visit my cousin and her family this weekend. however, hubby HATES heat and humidity, so we decided we'll have to wait until it cools off a little down there. i'll hold him to that.

instead, we made our second trek of the summer to indy. this time, hubby's sister and her hubby also made the journey. it had been over 4 months since they saw hannah. and even though it's not even been 2 months since hannah saw her older cousins, in many ways she seems like a totally different child. 2 months ago, she was just learning to crawl and pull herself up. now she is quite proficient at chasing jessie the kitty and grabbing her fur. she pulls herself to standing on anything and anyone, and today she took her first swim in a big pool (with daddy).

we didn't have any major plans, and one of the things i love about our family is that vacation is just that. we travel a great distance to be together, and we are able to relax. i love to sit back and watch goose, monkey & bear play together. this trip, i've done that a lot. bear seems increasingly anxious to be able to do what she sees everyone else doing. em (aka goose) is especially willing to teach her young apprentice anything she physically able to do. when hannah couldn't ride the tricycle by herself, em scooted back so hannah could sit on the seat. then the pair scooted across the living room, the elder cousins arms keeping our young adventurer in place.

every weekend getaway that we are able to take makes me grateful for the time we have. it's so easy to get caught up in worrying about finances. but just a year ago there were days when hubby worked all night, then had to wait around a couple of hours before court, then had to wait around in court .... returning home close to a full day from when he left. he did not have most holidays off like the rest of us, and he rarely was able to even go to church.

so, our latest visit is ending. hopefully we have not worn out our welcome by taking advantage of hubby's much more flexible schedule. knowing our family, i doubt it. and i am grateful that our children are able to get to know their cousins, aunts and uncles by spending time with them several times per year. i left most of the memory capturing (picture taking) to the family experts, and just observed unbridled youth. having time to watch the little ones grow and play together is priceless.