Pondering

I am pondering Hebrews 12 today.

I've found myself in an all-too-familiar rut and vicious cycle of emotions and personal struggles.
It has been a long time since I set a goal for myself and actually followed through or made it happen.  I'm not talking about small goals, though I suppose I should start there.

Maybe I should name the list of unfinished projects...
... housework- obviously it never ends.  I need to force myself into a routine so I don't nearly have a panic attack any time someone wants to visit.  Yes, the clutter and dirty get that embarrassing around here.
... crochet- I haven't started anything since I finished my son's blanket the night before he was born.
... cooking-  I swear I rotate through the same 5 or 6 meals because everyone will eat them, or at least part of them.  I backed off pinterest upon realizing it was becoming another addictive time sucker and NOT helping me.
... couch to 5k- We have an mp3 player now... and a jogging stroller.  and prediabetes.  I need to do this.
... scrapbooking- most of our pictures are on the computer.
... the list goes on in my head

At this exact moment, I am typing with my 3 1/2 month old in one arm, having just picked him up off his play mat.  He is drifting to sleep.  I am keenly aware of how quickly time flies, but I also realize that my current lack of discipline and recurring struggles need to be overcome.  I need to set a better example for my kids, to dig through the piles and bring order to my chaos.  For my own sake and my family.  I need to unplug, set limits and stick with them so the quick check-ins don't become wasted hours.   I need to throw off what so easily entangles.

What a difference a month makes

My little Micah is 3 months and 12 days old already.  He is thriving, he is adored by his older sister and brother, and I could not have asked for a better baby.  He slept for 11 hours last night!
I found some old pictures from when Brandon was 2-3 months old and wow, they look alike.  As I type, the big brother is trying to wrap his little brother in a soft blanket on his lap.  He loves him so much.

I am still trying to settle into my new normal.  Post-partum testing has shown that I am pre-diabetic and have to watch my diet and exercise.  I am not a dieter, so this just stinks.  I also don't need any help finding something else to be anxious about.  So, here we go... time to be good, eat whole grains and lots of "real" food instead of the junk food that I want to snack on, and see what happens.

A month ago, I was still mourning my inability to feed my baby, all 3 really, the way I always expected to.  I didn't expect that.  I expected to try and be done in 2 weeks if it didn't work out, yet for whatever reason, once again, I gave it more than my best shot. 

I am so relieved to have a break from the baby check-ups this month.  He is doing great, eating, peeing, pooping, sleeping, protesting tummy time.... he giggles and coos some, his eyes track objects and faces (he loves lights and ceiling fans).  His grin could melt an iceberg, his eyes dance with that sense of wonder that only an awakening child can have.