Freedom

It feels good to make a decision for myself and my kids, and know without a doubt I made it for the right reasons.  And to acknowledge that I did make that choice as much for myself as my child.  And that's okay.  Not just okay, it's really a good thing.

My baby girl is starting school tomorrow.

I got a degree in education thinking I might homeschool someday.
I have a lot of friends who homeschool.
I have relatives who homeschool.
Sometimes it seems like it's the "in" thing to do in some circles.
(Though that is not why most parents choose it.  Just like any other decision, multiple factors are considered... learning styles, school quality, other opportunities, faith-based reasons, the list goes on and on and on....)

But God did not call me to homeschool, not completely.  Not this year.
He also did not call me to compare myself to others or try to do what they do because it sure looks or sounds like a nice idea. (Though the idea of schedule flexibility going out the window next year is enough to make me re-evaluate our path and start searching for a curriculum for Kindergarten.)
And when I finally realized that, I found freedom.  (Thanks, Cheri, for putting it that way in our chat.)

Of course, I will still be my child's teacher.  I'm her Mom.  That's what Moms do. We teach and train our kids, or at least pour our heart and soul into the effort.
But my husband and I have chosen to share some of that responsibility, to give me a little break.
To give little guy some mommy and me time like sis had when she was little.

Let the Pre-K school year begin!  I am so proud of my little girl and can't wait to see what she learns this year.  With and without my help.

"When I'm not in control"

I was reading a friend's note on her FB page, and as she relayed what's been going on in her life and her family lately, she mentioned a list of verses with this heading.  And then it hit me, maybe part of why my blog has been silent is precisely this.  I find that ironic.  I am not a control-freak, under most circumstances.   However, there is one pretty big question in my mind, followed by several related questions, that I've been waiting to have answered.  It's monopolized my thoughts for several months now, making it really hard for me to feel settled.  Not only that, I am not really looking for advice on how to deal with it, because, quite frankly I do not want to be patronized, and that's how advice comes off at times.  (I'm sure I've been guilty of offering patronizing advice to others, unintentionally, of course.) Just a few moments ago, as my cotton-ball stuffed mind (I have a cold) processed my friend's update... I really, really, really do not like being in control of this particular aspect in my life.  My blog is "my space" that I like to feel like I can control (oh, the irony of feeling in control of a social networking site).  What aspect?  Well, that's not really something I can post right now.  If you know me well, chances are you can figure it out, expecially those of you who received the specific prayer request in the mail. (Did I just spell the "e" word like that?  I blame the cold.)  Let's just call it "direction."  Is that vague enough for you?

The point is, I am not in control.  God is.  In spite of my best attempts at protecting my children, there is always the risk of the bee sting, or the toddler running toward another swinging child at the park just as I turned around to listen to the other sibling. (Thank God for other parents nearby.)  Maybe I've been a bit more preoccupied with my lack of control than I thought.  I guess that makes me an "uncontrol freak."

I'm up far too early (or late, depending on your time zone/perspective).  While I would like to blame my current health, a cold which was shared by my wonderfully loving children, I'm sure it has more to do with the fact that I need to be still and know who is God.  To trust that we've been praying for something(s), and the answer(s) will come in God's time.  To not be so consumed by the unknown that I fail to truly live in the moment He has given.