"When I'm not in control"

I was reading a friend's note on her FB page, and as she relayed what's been going on in her life and her family lately, she mentioned a list of verses with this heading.  And then it hit me, maybe part of why my blog has been silent is precisely this.  I find that ironic.  I am not a control-freak, under most circumstances.   However, there is one pretty big question in my mind, followed by several related questions, that I've been waiting to have answered.  It's monopolized my thoughts for several months now, making it really hard for me to feel settled.  Not only that, I am not really looking for advice on how to deal with it, because, quite frankly I do not want to be patronized, and that's how advice comes off at times.  (I'm sure I've been guilty of offering patronizing advice to others, unintentionally, of course.) Just a few moments ago, as my cotton-ball stuffed mind (I have a cold) processed my friend's update... I really, really, really do not like being in control of this particular aspect in my life.  My blog is "my space" that I like to feel like I can control (oh, the irony of feeling in control of a social networking site).  What aspect?  Well, that's not really something I can post right now.  If you know me well, chances are you can figure it out, expecially those of you who received the specific prayer request in the mail. (Did I just spell the "e" word like that?  I blame the cold.)  Let's just call it "direction."  Is that vague enough for you?

The point is, I am not in control.  God is.  In spite of my best attempts at protecting my children, there is always the risk of the bee sting, or the toddler running toward another swinging child at the park just as I turned around to listen to the other sibling. (Thank God for other parents nearby.)  Maybe I've been a bit more preoccupied with my lack of control than I thought.  I guess that makes me an "uncontrol freak."

I'm up far too early (or late, depending on your time zone/perspective).  While I would like to blame my current health, a cold which was shared by my wonderfully loving children, I'm sure it has more to do with the fact that I need to be still and know who is God.  To trust that we've been praying for something(s), and the answer(s) will come in God's time.  To not be so consumed by the unknown that I fail to truly live in the moment He has given.