elementary decisions

My daughter is 3/4 of the way through first grade.  Her birthday is at the end of October, so I did not have to choose whether or not she was ready.  She went when she was almost 6, at the time the enrollment cutoff on our state was September 30th so she was not allowed to go when she was almost 5.
Socially, she was ready.  Academically, she was ready according to the checklist, but let's just say the adjustment to Kindergarten... 7:45 to 12:00 noon kindergarten at that, not a FULL day, was a challenge.

This year, the school system changed kindergarten hours to 7:45 to 2:30, just like the other elementary students.  This coming year, the enrollment cutoff is August 30th.  The next school year, the enrollment cutoff will be August 15th.  Why not just change it to August 15th and be done with it? My middle child's birthday falls in between those to August dates, as did my own birthday.

I honestly don't think I ever realized I was among the youngest in my class until I went to college.  It just did not seem significant.  Yeah, so some people drove first, and I recognized that.  But it didn't matter.  We were in the same grade, I made decent grades.  I WAS shy and quiet and everyone told me so in my yearbooks, except for a few closer friends.   At my 10 year high school reunion there was at least one guy who swore he would have remembered me.  (Let me flash my wedding ring on your face.  I remember you, er, your face, and from what I remember there is a reason you don't remember me.  I wasn't your type, nor am I now.  Our class was small, but we did not hang out with the same people most of the time.)  Anyway, I did well academically, I struggled with confidence but made a few close friends and had a lot of acquaintances.  My young-ish age was not an issue.

Fast forward 30-ish years.  The current trend in our vicinity is to hold a kid back.  At first glance, it seems like an age issue.  Digging deeper, the nuances of social and academic development and the combination of expectations, large class sizes in public classrooms, and individual needs of each student are at the heart of the decision.  I know more people whose kids, especially boys, started kindergarten closer to their 6th birthday than 5th. And every single one of them is glad they delayed.

But is that what's best for my child?  Looking back, my daughter needed the extra year.  God knew that when He decided my body should cooperate and get pregnant.  She was not (and still is not) interested in reading much.  She enjoys to be read to, but to ask her to read, well, she enjoys wiggling her loose teeth far more.  She is a people pleaser.  She usually does her best because she wants those in authority to be happy, she wants other kids to like her.  Just tonight, we had the conversation that ended with me telling her that while it is nice that she throws away another student's trash for him after snack, if she does not want to, it is ok for her to make him do it.  And better yet, she should ask him to return the favor some time.  She has a servant's heart, but I don't want her getting stepped all over.  I also told her she should at least ask him to say "thank you" if she doesn't mind helping him out every day.  Manners are important.
She came home from Kindergarten last year exhausted, and the adjustment to the intensity and expectations of 1st grade has been even more harsh.  She mourns that fact that she does not get all "E's" for excellent but has several "S's."  I tell her that we are proud of her and the most important thing is that she is doing her best.  Her teacher even said she is a good example for other kids on her last report card. She is my child who napped until she was 4 1/2.  Yes, it is a good thing her birthday kept her from going to Kindergarten before she turned 5.

My middle child... my first son.  He quit napping by the time he turned 3.  Nap time became rest time, which was really quiet time to look at books or play quietly and let mommy have a break (or even a nap.)  He is pre-reading... identifying initial consonant sounds 50 times a day or more, asking how words are spelled, and using his Tag Reading Pen, which he calls his Magic Pen, to read to him when I don't have time.  He wants to go to kindergarten, or he thinks he does.  He can count from 0-30, with a couple of slips here or there.  He knows his alphabet and the sounds they make, although I am not sure if he can distinguish between the ones that look alike but are just reversed when they are not in a word yet.  He writes his name, shaky, sometimes backwards, but he is on his way to mastering it.  He ASKS to do his Homework books (workbooks from the Dollar Tree.)

But... at his evaluation last month, just prior to enrollment time for preschool and Pre-K next fall, his teacher recommended giving him the gift of time.  His motor skills need improvement, and a full day at school will wear an adult out, not just a kid.  (I remember the first week of the school year as a high school teacher.  Pain.) IF he happens to be interested in an activity, he will focus, but he absolutely will not if he is not interested.  But he will randomly tell you a story or he may make a connection to that activity 30 minutes later, so he was paying more attention than you think.

I have agonized over this decision.  He is the youngest in his preschool class... in fact, one boy turned 5 just after school started but his Mom did not want him to go to Kindergarten yet, and she also did not want him in a 5 day Pre-K.  I a with her on that.  If it's the gift of time, why am I going to give him the gift of 5 days in a classroom, even if they ARE just 3 hours... why not keep him home with me part of the time?  I have talked to friends, his nursery teachers at church, the director of his preschool, his classmates parents, anyone who would listen.  And I have noticed things about him.  How he has begun to cling to my leg when I drop him off.  How he craves my affection and attention and tells me I'm the only Mama God gave him.  This morning he was excited that he did not have to go to school, even though her really does love his preschool.  "Yes!  I get to stay home and hang out with you, Mama!"  How 7 times out of 10, his crafts are either incomplete or scribble scrabble when I pick him up from church nursery because he would rather play with toys.  How I have to ask him to try to color in the lines in his coloring books (then he gets all creative and uses different colors within the sections... works for me, I love that.)  How he still wants me to "dot" his letters to trace when he is writing his numbers in the dry erase activity book or his name on a sheet of paper.  How he needs me to put the straw in his capri sun or open his snack or zip up his jacket.  (Today he said I could just start it for him, that's improvement.)

I remember how the intensity of Kindergarten picked up last year and she somehow got away with not completing all of her journals, and I hear that expectations have been raised and that will not be so easily accepted anymore.  Kindergarten is the new first grade.  When I went to nursery school, I remember a nurse coming and talking to us, and then we got to squirt water at each other with syringes (without the needles.)  My daughter and I struggled whenever I tried to do school time with her before kindergarten; homework is still a struggle.  She's just not that into academics.  Art?  Yes.  Music?  Somewhat. She is only 2 months younger than the cutoff date, but that extra year before Kindergarten was soo good for her. 

When he does get overtired and frustrated, he zones out.  He could think you are looking at him wrong and forget it...  We enrolled him in a 2 day, 9-2 program at a different school for next fall just in case, so he will have a spot.  The 9-2 will get him used to a longer school day, the time with me and baby brother will be just fine. And the closer we get to that decision, the more I suspect that is where he will be.  In the past, Kindergarten teachers were expected to assist in the social development/skills.  Now the curriculum has changed so much that the kids are expected to act older than they really are, which is a shame in some ways.

I think I'll let my kid be a kid for another year.  At least that's where I am today.  Ask me again in August.