shrinking slowly part 2* & today's ramblings on mommyhood**...

*next goal: maintain current weight and lose 11 more pounds

**if you read baby girl's blog , you will learn of a few firsts... all food related. parenthood is really tricky. my nature tends to push me to take her to the doctor for every little thing. (as illustrated by the first 3 months when hubby was away and i was a nervous wreck about baby girl's slow weight gain- and everything else for that matter). now that hubby's home, he keeps my anxious tendencies in check, especially when any influence on the stretched budget is concerned. my immediate response to baby girl's episode was to drive straight to the doctor. then i decided that would not be appreciated by the nurses. she was covered in formula and pureed prunes. drenched. i decided to take her home, take her temp, then bathe her and make a decision about what to do next. instead of eating lunch at the mall, my friend (who had driven 20 minutes to meet us) and i drove to sonic, where she and i ate while baby girl slept in her carseat (she fell asleep immediately following her episode, like she had truly relieved herself). we sat in the front seat and chatted, then it hit me that if baby girl did indeed have a contagious stomach bug, my prego friend should not be around her. it was a bummer, i had looked forward to spending time with her. but i wanted to make sure my little girl was ok, and at the time i thought we might be visiting our doctor later in the day.

baby girl napped until we pulled into the driveway, then she woke up, and my smelly, wet girl clung to me quietly and calmly. it was like she knew mommy would take care of her. everything would be ok. as i checked her temp, she protested with her usual infant gymnastics attempts. i had to pin her down as if we were wrestlers. until she heard the bath water. she perked up instantly. no, there was nothing seriously wrong with this child. i took off her smelly, drenched clothes and diaper, and as soon as she hit the water, she returned to normal.

the rest of the day was unaffected by the episode. except for the fact that i was the one who was now tired and needed a nap. i continued to watch for signs that something was wrong, but there were none. zilch. maybe her carseat straps had put pressure in just the wrong spot, i dunno.

as hubby and i got our food, baby girl eyed our plates and reached intently. no doubt about it, her appetite was back. so then, as a parent... what to do? what do you do when all other signs point to "back to normal", just 5 hours later. in this case, i decided to let her try to eat. she played with her bits of mac and cheese and green beans and scooped them up to her face. after all eating and playing are the same thing, as hubby reminds me. her face lit up at the flavor. am i destining my child to a life of high cholesterol by giving her southern-style, flavorful green beans? the doc had given approval for her to try finger foods, and at least half of what she tries ends up on the floor, her lap, her shoe... you name it. she eats "good stuff" at home, so i decide that a little mac and cheese and southern style green beans will help her develop self-feeding skills. not to mention keep her content while we eat our meal.

only a parent, or perhaps a pet-owner who is very attached to their animal, can understand the mixture of pride and sorrow that comes from watching an almost 10 month old try desperately to pick up slippery bits of green beans and mac and cheese. it's not even the first time she's had finger foods. but there is a big difference between cheerios, gerber puffs, and food from my plate. a difference far beyond the form of matter. the cause of my pride and sadness is the same. she is growing up. every day brings a new step, a new expression, and a new decision about what my child is ready to do. i can influence some things... like food choices... but i am sad because as she grows into a toddler and a little girl, i don't want to forget my sweet, cuddly, dependent baby girl.