normalcy?

Is it possible? To show you how "out of the norm" I feel, the fact is illustrated by the fact that I almost posted this on the "Whatcha' got cookin'" collaborative blog about... cooking. Thankfully I caught my error before posting.

Anyway, I just read Steph's recent post about feeling like a failure as a Mom of 4, and that sort of put me in my place. And sort of not. I mean, I only have TWO kids. I should be able to juggle, right?

However, the fact of the matter is that between raging new-Mom hormones, having an active toddler and a needy newborn, no matter how many kids you have, motherhood is just hard sometimes. I forgot about that part.

I think I am finally almost over feeling like a failure for quitting nursing... for the 2nd time. Oh, I am still a little sad that it hasn't worked out for us, but baby has to eat, and the 2-hour sessions which seemed to go smoothly, well... 10 minutes after they were over, my heart would sink as he acted soo famished. I was a mere pacifier, apparently. I confess, I was not willing to see a lactation consultant or get help from the LLL. Just didn't have the motivation to try that hard this time around, after the emotional hell I went through 3 years ago. Now that I think my milk is drying up and the pain is decreasing, things are getting a lot easier feeding-wise. I did switch back to Dr. Brown's bottles, using the cheap-o Evenflo seems to result in far more more spit-up. I know this has been a recurring topic on my blog, I sometimes wish I were one that "didn't think about things too much", but when you have an ideal in your mind, you have to decide how much it means to you, and if you choose to let go... work through the process in your own way and own time. God bless the Moms who have the motivation to stick it out, or whose little ones take to it naturally. And God bless the rest of us, too.

Anyway, I am on a search for some sense of normalcy/routine. By that I mean, I would like to find a way to get a shower in the morning instead of after Bear goes to bed (though I might still need that evening shower, too). Hubby steps up and helps with the housework in the evenings, which is a good thing because otherwise it seems like nothing would get done.

I am soo grateful for the friends who have brought meals the past 5 weeks... seriously, I have tears in my eyes because were it not for their generousity, we might have starved. (Ok, maybe not.)

I just wanted to drop in and say hi, give a glimpse at where I am "at", and I hope all is well with my blogging buddies and friends and family who lurk on here. Now I need to make some lunch...