Sigh

I've got a another slow nurser/weak sucker on my hands. He is perfect in every other way, and he latches far better than Bear ever did. But if he doesn't speed up, I'm a bit worried he won't get enough or build supply. I can't nurse for 2 hours at a time every time.... at least not after hubby goes back to work. And he hates trying to nurse after I've pumped. It's a vicious cycle.

vicious cycle...

my toilets need to be cleaned.
cleaning them makes me gag and puke.
etc....

while most pregnant women's morning sickness is backing off at this stage, mine is getting worse.

i wish i could afford a maid.

life in a subdivision (rolling eyes)

we pay a homeowner's association fee every quarter. for what? apparently the rate increase has provided the necessary funds for someone from the management company to patrol the neighborhood and make sure all the petty rules are being followed. then they proceed to waste money by sending not just one letter, but two letters which state the same thing informing us that we'll be fined if we don't take down our christmas lights (our sole strand of icicle lights, at that) by the 16th.

i took down our lighted snowman earlier this week. hubby was planning on taking down the lights this weekend. in fact, we were talking about it on our ride home from shopping.
we were greeted by two letters in the mailbox, written on the the 10th, reminding us that our lights were not down and according to neighborhood ordinances, should have been. the letters were mailed on the 11th. today is the 12th.

really, people. the builder/developer is advertising street lights and sidewalks in the new phase of their neighborhood where it took us FOUR YEARS to get a retaining wall put in when they screwed up our lot, and 1/5 of the neighborhood has working streetlights, and another 1/5th (including our street) has lamp posts without electricity. not to mention the entryway lights which are currently not working, the trees/medians in need of care. they have the nerve to tell us that our lights were still up on the day they were suppose to be removed, when we have been waiting years for REAL problems to be addressed. oh, they must have patrolled the hood at midnight, they weren't really jumping the gun.

anyway, just a little vent on life in suburbia. guess we signed up for this when we bought an almost-all brick house, or something.

Aack...

My house is a wreck. My own fault for procrastinating.
Hubby comes home today.
Tech Mom and Dad arrive tonight. At least their bed is almost ready. (It will be nice to have them.)
I realized I forgot a couple of things from the store... we're down to 4 diapers, plus any in the diaper bag. Coffee. I remembered the biscotti, but forgot to buy coffee. Actually the biscotti was an impulse buy on sale. No shock there.

I'm going to be tired tonight.


I swear, I may just have to have hubby password protect the computer. My addiction is that bad.

If you see me online before this evening, ask me what on earth I am doing here, ok?

Tackle It Tuesday????

Getting out of bed was a tackle for me today. The sore throat I got struck with late Saturday evolved into sinus issues, which have become accompanied by a cough. My usual bi-annual crud.
It's a good thing we celebrated our anniversary early on Friday night!

Bear's eyes glued to Sesame Street. In a few months, maybe we'll get cable, DirectTV or Dish network. I would love to have more variety in kids' shows. At least I haven't seen this episode before.

I am bitter. I know the not-so-fresh tasting salmon was not my fault, and the store gave me an apology and a refund when I brought in the receipt last night. But when you already feel like you've been hit by a truck and re-stuffed with cotton balls, the last thing you want is your hopes of a good meal crushed by inferior quality meat. Even if you live a great distance from an ocean and fresh seafood is an oxymoron.

I am also stumped. I wanted to cook a nice meal last night. Should I try again tonight, or demand we go out to eat on our anniversary? The thing is, since I am not a domestic diva, and hubby is pretty content and doesn't need a lot of gifts for our special occasions, attempting to make him a decent meal is sort of a gift in itself. So I enjoy serving him a good meal on our special occasions. And then when we visit homes that are perfectly manicured the guilt trip for NOT being a domestic diva, or just a good homemaker sets in. (That's what happened Saturday. I am my own worst enemy.)

Anyway, lots of possibilities loom around me for today's tackle. Toys and blocks are everywhere. I've unloaded the dishwasher once. The bathrooms need freshening. The kitchen floor needs scrubbing, as it will again 1 hour after I wash it. There's a pile of clutter next to my bed that has been haunting me for months now. The fridge needs a good "science project removal". There's laundry (that my beloved made sure got washed while I was sick on Sunday) strewn across the guest bed waiting to be put away. (He did fold our clothes, just threw the sheets and towels on the bed.)

Oh, and I can't forget to get or make my beloved his anniversary card.

I'm a wimp.

Just when I think about considering natural childbirth the next time around, I get a reality check. I AM A WIMP. I have a measley (well, not quite) cold, allergy attack, whatever it is. It's not bad enough to send me to the doctor, but it is bad enough that I'm being a real baby. We're out of kleenex, so I'm using TP. Either Angels aren't very soft or "Angel Soft" is a misnomer. No big deal when it's being used for the advertised purpose. Not so good for the nose area.

I had my contacts in... something got in my eye, so now I'm back in my glasses. That puts me in a foglike trance under normal circumstances. Take into account the fact that they are 4 years old, Baby Bear has bent them out of shape, and one screw has been replaced with a tiny little keyring to hold it together. My prescription hasn't changed much, but just the crooked factor messes with my vision. Oh, and we took our prescription in to get a cheap pair at the supercenter. The optician was not in, and the optometrist is not licensed to do whatever is needed to fit glasses. Something's wrong with that. Efficiency, please? So my script is stuck to the fridge, after floating around the whole downstairs. (DON'T tell me that's what I get for going to the supercenter. Costco's selection of frames was terrible (they did have the same design I purchased FOUR years ago, and I'm not about to pay full price for things that I only wear when necessary... just before bedtime or when my contacts are really bugging me.)

Well, I did buy that salmon and roast potatoes/squash/carrots/onion sound like a yummy treat, so let's see if I can get dinner going.

Who wants to come clean up for me? There might even be enough leftovers to share.

Argh...

-another business opportunity presents itself. Dear Lord give me discernment & grace through this whole process of listening to the excited person's pitch. Have I mentioned that I am burnt out on network marketing? They are not all schemes or pyramids, but they are NOT for me. And I pray that my loved one doesn't get shafted in the process... (It does sound like the people behind it are decent people, but I can't help but be a skeptic, even if the product is pretty cool and shows potential.)

-another friend is having a very tough week. I wish I could be there to give her a great big hug, cry with her and pray with her in person. I can't share the details, but please pray. In a weird way, I am grateful to be able to say that I have been in a similar situation, because I know how much it helped me heal to hear that I was not alone.

-my house does not self-clean. I want an in-floor vacuum unit someday. That would probably require a crawl space or basement. I also want self-cleaning toilets, self-folding laundry and an irrigation system. While we're at it, something to keep the birds and bugs from eating my cherry tomatoes as they ripen would be nice.

-my yard has mole tunnels. lots of them. i hope i don't actually see one of the pests live. seeing the mulch move from one near the flowers i watered was creepy enough.

-gas was 11 cents higher less than 15 miles away today. what a ripoff. i only put $5 in the tank since I didn't want hubby to have to come rescue me, and i hope it doesn't go up before we fill up here. The oil companies are tyrants.

Yesterday was a very good day. So was today. I'm just tired, and now I "get" to go trim hubby's hair. I did get to go "gamble" at bunko tonight. I love a good girls' night out, and the fellowship is well worth the $5 lost in the bunko pot. Congrats to my lurker and neighbor, gina. :-) Oh, and the neighbor whose wife hosted is a sales rep for Russ, and he gave me some cool stuff for Baby Bear.

Argh....

This might seem to be an odd post to follow a hymn, but I'm doing it anyway...

Ok, you know you're too stressed, or coming across that way, when a neighbor gives you a bottle of wine that's 2/3 of the way full. We don't drink a lot or very often at all, but we do like a little every now and then and my neighbor said it was too sweet for her taste and "made" me take it.

For some reason i thought some of you might find that funny. The wine is in the fridge... not sure if I'll drink it or use it for cooking yet. I'm thinking I might have a glass before bed.

For the record, the fact that my house is once again a wreck and family is coming over tomorrow(cousin from NY is back in town) is only part of it. A small part, actually.

***warning: vent ahead...
For some reason I've become obsessive about trying to get answers about when and how our cliff on the west side of our yard will be fixed. I swear, if we don't get answers soon, I'm going to ask a state senator to propose legislation that builders must complete the extra-structure, i.e. sidewalks, retaining walls,etc. on ALL parts of existing phases/lots (including those that adjoin future phases) to closing on the sale of a home. I am sure there are states that already have that covered. This is not one of them, apparently.


If you want common sense consumer protection, don't move here. Schools are only good in select counties, elevating the cost of living so normal people can't afford to live in them and the rest of our public schools, well... are ok at best. We've lived here almost 4 years and I still can't figure out how to landscape because we're getting the run-around from the developer and our public figures are not helpful.

... END OF VENT***

p.s. 2 seconds after I hit publish, hubby came up the steps with a crystal glass of chilled wine for each of us. Guess he thought I need it, too. ;->


Ok, is it normal for people to take the blinds with them when they move? The people that originally lived in the house across the street left them there. The people that are selling it now took all of them down. Maybe it's just because they are going to paint per the home-buyer's request? She did have a bunch of things on her "fix it before closing" list when I talked with her. I think it's a little odd. I don't think it's worth the trouble, with everything else. And with my luck, some of the slats would break in the move anyway...

Just wonderin'....

Night y'all. Gotta go straighten the kitchen and living room before I hit the sack!

i heart family time

this is the first weekend in a long time we have ended up with nothing we have to do. last night's home fellowship group was called off due to illness and delayed flights, so we went out to pei wei's- the less expensive version of pf chang's. you order at the counter, you get your own drinks, they bring your food out to you. just as yummy, in my opinion. baby bear loved the broccoli in our ginger broccoli chicken. she liked my chicken and daddy's honey-seared chicken, too.

today, we slept in blissfully til about 7:30. we heard baby bear chattering in her room before then, but she was happy, and so were we. had to make a grocery run, came home for lunch... turkey sandwiches with meister's garden fresh cheese. it was on sale when we were in WI, so we picked up extra.

we played with baby bear, read books together, took afternoon naps (long ones), played some more (outside and inside). and i replaced the seatbelt on baby bear's radio flyer trike, so now she has a seatbelt that actually buckles. hubby helped, too, but it was i who found the utility strap with buckle in the camping dept. at wal-mart and figured out how to take off the old straps.

we grilled burgers for dinner, and realized that the 3 for 99 cent corn at wal-mart is field corn, not sweet corn. ugh. pasty, not sweet. hannah liked it, but we didn't. must be midwestern discraminating tastes from our childhood coming back to haunt us. at least it was cheap. it looked pretty and fresh, for all that's worth. we put the previously mentioned cheese on all our burgers.. yes, even hubby!

after dinner, came watering time. i watered my veggie plants (picked some yesterday!), hubby set up the sprinkler. baby bear saw the "rain" and wanted to get in it... when she felt the force, she wasn't as excited. i found out that the circo swimsuit i purchased at target in size 2T for our beach trip may be too small by august. Argh. that's what happens when your daughter a) has her mommy's long torso and b) likes to eat. everything. so that most likely means the adorable swimsuit that was in the handed down box from her cousins is too small, too... it's an 18 month size, i believe. double argh. i swear, baby clothes are no better fitting than adult clothes. she has some 18 month clothes that still fit, 24 month jeans that fall off her (if you've seen her belly lately, you kow that's just wrong), and 2T things that are too small.

Anyway, she helped me water the flowers that the sprinkler missed... and the sidewalk. and her feet. Earlier today she tried to help us sweep up the day lily leaves which I had thinned out. She insisted on holding the very end of the handle of the garage broom like her mommy and daddy do, even though we showed her time and again that she would have more control holding it closer to the brush. and if we took it away, she exclaimed, "help!" So cute! She also likes to help put the utencils in their drawer... she stands on a chair with the back to the drawer, I hand her a utencil, and she puts it somewhere. I correct her if she gets the wrong spot, and of course it takes three times as long as if I had done it myself... but it keeps her from hanging on my legs and possibly pulling my pants down in the process, and she is learning what she can do. She did give us a scare at lunch when she grabbed the pearing knive off the table (I had thought it was out of her reach, but I was wrong) and a grape and said "help!" (I cut her grapes in half for her). Thankfully Daddy was right there and he gently took the knife from her and helped cut the grape in half.

hubby now has his freshly-clipped hair, hiding the extra grays that are starting to peek through. plus it helps him stay cooler. i told him he owes me $15 of no questions asked shopping. he does clean up the mess in the bathroom, so i can't complain too much, even though great clips is less than 2 miles away.

I guess most of this post could have gone on baby bear's blog.. oh, well. I'll put the pictures on that one.

hope y'all are having a great weekend so far!

i'm bitter

hubby is home, and i still can't sleep. argh. Baby Bear saw GranWendy and Grandaddy for the 3rd time this week. or, last week, i guess, since it's now technically sunday morning. we saw them Easter Sunday after church, Friday night when Piano Man and Woman were down for a visit, and earlier tonight when they came over to babysit so Hubby and I could go to a surprsie party. As hubby and I left, Baby-Bear waved and exclaimed "bye-bye" as if to say, "don't let the door hit you as you go out!" I am so glad she is that comfortable with her grandparents!

The party was great. Friend's hubby went over-the-top... made reservations at a very nice restaurant, spent the last month or so confiscating her cell phone and calling friends who weren't in her e-mail address book to make sure they weren't left out, arranged for their brother in law to conveniently invite them over for a "last-minute" golf scramble to use those new clubs he hadn't yet used, sent e-vites to those in her e-mail list. The whole thing worked, and she was surprised. It was awesome. It was the big 3-0 for her, a Mommy of two adorable little boys who are 3 1/2 and 9 months. They look just like their Daddy, and will more than likely play baseball or softball as they get older.

This friend is one I have known since high school. We met initially because we had a mutual good friend, in fact this other friend was at one time a person I considered one of my best friends. Then we took Drama class together and developed a friendship of our own. It's funny how 10+ years later, the friend who was not as close has grown into a good friend, and the one who I thought I'd be close to forever seems like a distant stranger. It goes to show me that while it is often easy to get so caught up in every day life that I lose contact with loved ones afar, it does not take much to keep a friendship going if both people try just a little bit. That's what happened for me and this friend. I was very honored to be invited to her big celebration. But I also know that I was invited because we do keep in touch with eachother. We were among the first to learn of eachothers' pregnancies because we knew there was no way anyone else would find out and we had to tell someone. We swap mommyhood tales, no matter how graphic. We have struggled in similar areas, experienced God's grace and forgiveness, and been comfortable confessing those struggles to one another without fear of judgement. Her friendship is truly a blessing. We go through seasons where we don't talk as much, but one of us always manages to pick up the phone to check in. And of course, we share photos of our munchkins via e-mail.

Hubby and I have swapped thorns in the flesh. My hands seem to have a case of eczema... itchy, dry, annoying. Not quite as bad as he gets, but definitely uncomfortable. His sinuses are going crazy with this indecisive weather. He gets major headaches that border on migraines with extreme weather changes. My allergies don't seem nearly as bad as they have in seaasons past. So far. Oh, and guess which one of us awoke at 1:45 a.m. to turn on the ceiling fan after 20 minutes of tossing and turning? Clue... she's typing on the laptop upstairs, in order to let her beloved rest.

Well friends, those are my heart's wanderings this morning. May you have a blessed Lord's day wherever you are with your families! (Hopefully asleep, at this exct moment. Baby Bear is stirring, time will tell if it's because she telepathically senses her Mommy is awake.)

ummm... no matter how many times I save changes and try to link to my new avatar, my old one keeps popping up. Argh. Any avatar pros with trouble-shooting tips?
***
ok, sometimes the new one shows up, other times it's the old pic with the new caption. whatever...

What is my record for most posts in one day?

I just may set it tonight. I miss my hubby. But he sure lucked out- out of town during pms. And I sort of lucked out, too- no major cooking or cleaning going on here, let me milk it for all its worth. The thought crossed my mind that I should tackle some things and surprise him (and myself) by my accomplishments. Then it left.

The kids are tucked in under their covers. By kids, I mean Baby Bear and her new green siblings. (For the record, Baby Bear is not sleeping in the flower bed. She is tucked in under her comforter in her warm room, the green babies are outdoors, where they were planted last weekend.) It figures we'd get one more freeze, or series of freezes, AFTER I plant them. Why do the stores bother putting the flowers out until they are sure the last freeze has passed? Oh, yes... so they can make more money when you have to go for round two! The furniture pads are a little heavy for me to manipulate, so I used old sheets, including a very old bedskirt, to cover my babies. The high is supposed to be around 48 tomorrow. So much for a zoo outing.

Baby Bear misses her Dada. I had her scrapbook tucked away behind the couch. She almost bruised a rib trying to get to it. She proceeded to flip through the pages (all 2.5 that are completed), exclaiming, "Baby!" and "Da-da!" I really don't think she recognized me as the puffy-faced woman holding the baby in the other pictures. Is it all the meds that causes the puffiness because if it is, that's one strong reason to consider a natural delivery right there. I look like I had my wisdom teeth pulled while I was at it. I know I have chipmunk cheeks, but gee-whiz. Anyway, we did find some pics in her other albums in which recognized me as well as her Dad. Sweet girl.

I made the mistake of letting her have a couple of m & m's earlier today. I'm going to have to move them into an opaque container. I suspect "candy" will be among her next vocabulary words. (Funny thing is, I swear she said "caca" when she tried to say "candy". Look it up in your Spanish dictionary from high school if you don't know what it means.) So now we have a potty mouth. It's bad enough that she thinks nutty bars are an acceptable bedtime snack, now m & m's? (They are ok for Mommy after she is in bed... shhhhhh!!!!) After putting away some of her books, she bolted down the hall to the kitchen, opened the cupboard, and pulled a package of nutty bars out of the cabinet. "Peas? Peas?" I gave her fruit instead. Then she had the nerve to ask for m & m's by pointing and whining. Yes, the terrible two's are beginnings. This is nothing yet, I know... and it's my fault for introducing her to those pastel-colored things that melt in her mouth and taste very sweet.

We got a sneak peek at Caslon and Camera Man's latest engagement photo shoot. The did a beautiful job! I want to know how the groom-to-be (who also happens to be a relative) got all the hair, though. It must be from his mom's side of the family or something. Because look at my hubby and computer guy, and somehow all the hair went to that other branch of the family. I'm just sayin'. If we ever have a son, it will be a miracle if his hair doesn't fall out immediately after puberty with our family histories on my side and hubby's.)

Baby-Bear and I are having company tomorrow. "Ballerina" is spending the day with us so she does not have to hang out with her Mom at work. I hope she doesn't wish she had gone to work with Mom by the time the day is over! It will be fun to spend time with her.

Sweet dreams, everyone!

i had a dream...

now i can't sleep. we were on our vacation. for some reason, upon arrival at our destination we stopped in the touristy area before going to our rental house. it was frighteningly crowded, and the boats were all way too close to shore, leaving no room for swimmers. it did not seem to bother anyone. hubby went on ahead to the house without me, so i had to walk the couple of miles. when questioned, he simply stated "i knew you'd catch up."

our room appeared ok, but in addition to the view of the lagoon,it held several aquariums and terrariums. with tops open. crt said she didn't think the girls would actually sleep if given that room (the creatures woud make it too much fun) . it was humid and smelly, and hubby was sure the extra oscillating fan wuld be useless.

downstairs, the furniture was upholstered in classic brown and orange floral velour with wood trim. i was the first to find our private pool.... unlevel, so one end did not seem full, filled with pine needles, sand, and pebbles. audit guy/tech dad was irate when he saw this. the cover was useless.

baby bear was perfectly content playing in her exersaucer and watching the creatures in the aquarium and terrarium. she wanted to pick up the horseshoe crab.

it was at this point my strange dream ended, as i awoke to use the bathroom. i share this dream hoping none of you have made a habit out of dream interpretation. oh, and you can scroll to the bottom of the blog to see the countdown to when this fabulous family trip should occur.

huubby's alarm has sounded, but he is not yet up. perhaps i'll go try to get back to sleep.

tuesday's (wandering) thoughts:

*tonight's dinner- leftovers- salmon for one of us, chicken and potatoes for the other, cooked *spinach for me and baby bear (hubby may eat his token amount)
*i feel like we're in a construction zone, between the blasting that shakes the neighborhood from a mile away and the bulldozing going on down the hill behind/next to our house. please tell me THAT part means it won't be long before we get a retaining wall... pretty puh-lease???
*gotta call the doc and make sure the insurance company BCBS is actually paying our claims now that they heard from hubby, who verified that we indeed are not covered under another plan. beginning to wonder if saving money was worth the switch.
*friend coming in 30 minutes to pick up her mlm business catalog and try to talk me into signing up. Want to say, "what part of i'm burnt out on ALLdirect sales/mlm/networking don't you uderstand?" I will try to be more tactful. Spending more and recruiting other people to save but still spend more than they normally would in order to make money just isn't worth it. Even if the products are organic, healthful, non-carcinogenic, etc....

truck drivers (& companies) do not own the road, but they think they do

I am thankful that my sis and her family were ok after a truck edged into them in their lane. I am also thankful that the hundreds of times my husband stood on the shoulder of an interstate and helped motorists or wrote tickets, he did not get killed by a semi driver. I know there are many good drivers out there, but unfortunately there also many lunatics that forget the vehicles they are driving cannot be driven like 4-cylinder chevette's or V-8 sports cars, for that matter. or else they are irresponsibly driving too many hours after not getting enough rest... and then they try to claim "no fault" when they look away or reach for their coffee for a second... and some under-paid state trooper actually bought whatever story the truck driver gave him, if the report is saying "no fault."

pray that at the very least, their insurance doesn't go up... at best, that the truck driver's insurance company gets off whatever high horse they think they're on...

i'm working on our christmas letter mailing. might run out of baby bear's picture, darn it. i can get more made, but it's the hassle... it feels good to have most of the envelopes stuffed and addressed... just gotta get a sponge or washcloth dampened to seal all of them. i shouldn't have saved money by buying envelopes that require water to seal. oh well!!!

we bought wrapping paper and ribbon at the dollar tree. i tell you, that is my new favorite store. wrapping paper is like other disposable papers. why pay for the super thick stuff when it's going to be thrown out? except kleenex. i like my kleenex with lotion in them. or puffs. whatever's on sale. anyway, facial tissue is my exception to the get the cheapest disposable paper rule.

i am really ticked off at myself for letting a credit card billthat i am responsible for get lost. i found it today after realizing i didn't remember mailing it and digging it out from under junk mail on the counter. now it's late. i never mail in bills late. neither does hubby. he mails all of them except this particular bill, and now i'm considering this a sign to quit direct sales. because now some of my profits are going to have to go toward interest instead of a manicure or scrapbooking stuff. besides the fact that i am hopelessly organizationally challenged. this reminds me of the one time i ever had a check bounce, in college. it was at dairy queen, for my suite mate's birthday cake. that ended up being a really expensive cake. times like this make me grateful my husband is a receipt nazi and i don't normally have to worry about micromanaging our finances. he does it well on his own. anyway, don't tell me to get a calendar and make lists. i have a calendar. i make lists. they get lost. baby bear eats them. hubby must be ticked, but he's being very nice and gracious about it.

i was going to post the lyrics to the praise song "enough"... i certainly need to read them right now. but the cd case is downstairs and i am ready to go to bed when i go down. i was listening to my jeremy camp cd today, and this song and others were some very good reminders. maybe i'll share the lyrics tomorrow. after i mail that bill and our christmas letters.

oh, while i'm venting, this whole free service called blogger is being extremely rude, especially to my family members who are not on beta. they have to post anonymously or not at all.

oh, one good thing... baby bear slept in til 8 a.m. well, sort of. she actually woke up at 5, i put her back to bet at 6, and then she slept til 8. but i forgot she had woken up so i felt like she had slept in til 8! our little rooster did not get the early-rising genes from either of her parents although her daddy has to go to work early. this week, that means getting out of bed, showering, eating breakfast, and walking down the hall to the guest bedroom, where he's set up his work laptop on a card table. it came in handy this morning when i almost passed out from dehydration while tryng to change baby bear. i got her pj's unzipped, got dizzy, set her on the floor, and laid down and called hubby to come help. she decided it was time to get undressed completely, and by the time her opened his "office" door from across the hall, she was left in just her diaper, babbling away in her cute baby language and looking so proud of herself. thankfully i started feeling better this afternoon after my fluids and food were staying in me. and in spite of feeling icky, i did get the dishwasher emptied and reloaded (including some containers that had been housing science projects from the fridge), and 2 loads of laundry washed. the day could've been far less productive.

thanks for putting up with my complaining and random musings. good night, friends! see you on your blogs tomorrow!