Once again, It's bedtime and I can't sleep.  I tucked Bear into bed around 9:30.  Into my bed, I might add.  It's become customary for her to sleep in my bed when Daddy is away.  When he's home, back to hers she goes.  Until she wakes up at some point in the mid-late morning and sneaks in.  So much for all that sleep training we did on her.  :)

I'm finding that letting her stay up after I put Buddy into bed is good for us.  We get some Bear and Mommy time, something she craves and we both need. 

Still waiting for inspiration for the ultimate blog post or theme idea....

There was a point where I could write about anything and/or everything on here.  Right now, I'm just not feelin' it.  Perhaps it's because it's 5:23 a.m. and I would rather be asleep.  Or maybe, I just don't feel like being brutally honest with the blogosphere and need to write a good old-fashioned-paper-journal entry to process my thoughts.

It's been good having hubby home from training for the weekend.  This stint is much shorter, thank God.  And much less stressful for him.  I love having home.  The kiddos love their Daddy, and he obviously loves them.  It's nice to have someone who will share the hours of being used as playground equipment, and I must confess, sometimes I turn my Mommy self off and let him "handle it."  "It" could be anything from putting a dvd in the player to a tantrum to a diaper change, but it's just nice to have him back to do this part of who he is.  I don't know how military Moms and single Moms do it. 

So, I've had people ask and have been asking myself... what career would I have if I wanted to work in a monetarily paid position?  I don't know.  That bothers me.  I wish I could say it bothers me because I am so overwhelmed with joy where I am at that I would not ever want to be doing anything else.  Nope, I'm actually a bit in the-burnt-out-lost-myself-and-feel-like-I-do-nothing-well mode.  (That might have something to do with the lack of recent posts.)  Don't get me wrong.  I love my family.  But I am not Martha Stewart, June Cleaver, Carol Brady (who had a housekeeper, btw), Rachael Ray or anyone else.  I'm me, whoever and whatever that is.  I wouldn't go back to teaching without getting my Master's Degree, but I can't see myself going back to school anytime soon.  Customer Service?  Umm... so I like to think I was good at that, but I can't say I loved it.  Tutoring?  I miss my kids.  Even though I only had most of them for a short time, I miss their unique personalities, and I enjoyed the networking aspect of managing the center. Retail?  No, thank you.  BTDT.  Unless I got some really cool product along with my wages. And I don't mean samples that I had to buy (even at a discount) for my inventory or show, I mean genuinely free goods. 

I need to go back to sleep.  I actually feel like I might be able to right now. That is a good thing, unless of course one of the littles decides to wake up uncharacteristically early.  :)

Wandering back around...

A very popular networking site has pretty much replaced my blog for a while.  However, status updates are not exactly the same as an entire blog entry.  The just provide a glimpse, and that's about it.  A blog, for me, has been a bit of a journal in the past.  No, I haven't posted my most intimate thoughts here, but I have expanded on some of those glimpses.  Plus, there are certain things I really don't want everyone I know to read.  And I KNOW that not everyone I know reads this.  So right now I am in the process of figuring out what to post where.  I don't want all my FB friends and family to see my exercise log (or lack thereof).  If you are reading this, it means you have stuck around long enough to care (or not) about what I write here.  You obviously aren't going to judge me on my grammar (or lack thereof), my "outline" (or lack thereof- hence the blog title), my frequency (or infrequency), or my maturity (or immaturity).

So, my wandering for tonight....
Hubby's new job is going well.  He's learning a lot, challenged by what he does, and feels like it's a good fit.  Words can't express how proud and happy that makes me.

But... we have to get used to his travel.  For now, at least.  I really don't know which is harder... having him work midnights on the beat in an unsafe area of the city, or just having him away from us for a few days at a time. 

Exercise Log

Tuesday- 15 min Wii Fit, 30 min My Fitnesss Trainer Wii game (MFT)
Wednesday- 22 min elliptical
Thurs- 10 min Wii Fit Hula, 20 Min MFT

The goal- Do something every day.

Bear tried to exercise with me tonight.  It was cute.  She has her Mommy's "coordination."
 ****
Saturday - 20 min elliptical, 3 sets arm weights

observation
Whether people admit it or not, apologetics, i.e. defense of ones beliefs, are everywhere.  Just as the devout Christian will defend his or her faith, an agnostic or atheist will explain their unbelief.
*******
a·pol·o·get·ics

(ə-pŏl'ə-jět'ĭks)    n.   (used with a sing. verb) The branch of theology that is concerned with defending or proving the truth of Christian doctrines. Formal argumentation in defense of something, such as a position or system.

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition
Copyright © 2009 by Houghton Mifflin Company.
Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.
*******
Moving on...

new year's stuff

fitness- day one
Attempted to exercise using wii fit.  Bear took her turn and then got mad when I took over for myself.  Buddy tried to climb on me and the balance board.  I think I got about 6 minutes of hula hoop in along with my body test.. but at least it said my Wii age=my real age!  Set up "My Fitness Trainer" game profile (age, weight, measurements, etc...) while kids ate a snack.  Did 30 minutes tonight.... tried the yoga on it... like the Wii fit yoga better... way better for telling novices like myself how to do the poses....  did 15 minute cardio workout and 15 minute core strength workout on the Fitness Trainer.  I like it overall... takes personal data and tries to give you an appropriate workout, also asks you how you felt about segments (too easy, made me sweat, too hard).  After the kids were in bed, of course.  Now to get hubby to set up a profile.  :)  I will definitely keep using the Fit for some activities, but the new addition to my limited repetoire raises my heart rate better.

time management- day two
I am completely opposed to over-structuring.  I am also indecisive and often get stuck trying to decide what task to tackle first.  I used a planner through college, somewhere along the way it got buried.  Plus, the Franklin Covey was just too bulky.. even the smaller one that I had.  Not to mention costly.

My little mead planner is working out well so far.  :)  Enough room to jot down what I need to, not enough to be overwhelming.  And it's cheerfully cute.  It invites me to use it.  And the pic reminds me of relaxing, fun times with the family.

Intentional parenting-
Bear is gung ho about her Job Chart/Job Jar reward system that we are trying out.  While trying to set an example through my actions, I am also encouraging her to be more responsible. (That's part of what's behind my whole attempt at some organization and self-dicipline without legalism.  How can I expect her to be responsible if I am on Facebook all day when I should be spending quality time with her, her brother, getting SOMETHING, anything done, etc...)
She even asked to help me fold laundry today.  Sheets.  That was fun.  Oh, but she did fold a washcloth that had stuck to her clothes AND put it in the laundry pile in the living room.  During Buddy's nap time we played Chutes and Ladders, ending with going over the #'s 1-100, since they are on the game board.  Not sure if she really liked the game or not... maybe we should have gone with candyland.


Little by little....

new year, new me... sort of

As you see here, I bought a planner for the year.  I did not want an expensive Franklin Covey or anything like that, but I wanted something that was fun to look at... something that would inspire me to open it up.  I found this at Wal-Mart, for about $6.  And I love the little photo sleeve!  It has just what I need... month at a glance and lines for my to make small lists of what I want to accomplish during the week.

I made a list before I went to bed last night. then I actually did 4/6 of the things on that list today.  It feels good to see check marks next to the things I got done, and to realize there were things I did that were not on the list at all.

I've got a multitude of thoughts running through my head.  You might catch glimpses of them on here if I post more than once a week, or if they make it to my Facebook status.  My track record with New Year's resolutions is pretty spoor, so I think I'll cling to Micah 6:8 and hope for a little bit of Proverbs 31 in there somewhere.

We had a wonderful Christmas, and you?

It feels more like fall than winter here in the South.  I have to admit that while I would enjoy a good snowfall, I like being able to use medium coats at most... all that bundling up must be a pain with little ones!

The sky is clear, sun is shining, and kiddos are out of trouble.  :)  Mostly.

I've got some ponderings and wanderings in my brain, but not ready to post them all.

Still investigating home-buying options...  big payment for what we would like and all that responsibility are not appealing when you have maintenance on call and are able to spend/save with less stress.

The kids and I are hoping to visit some friends who I knew in college.  We weren't super close, but I am enjoying getting to know them online, and have been praying for them during their adoption journey.  They live in IN now, but were matched with a baby here and are staying a little over an hour away til they are cleared to go home.  Yay!!! They have had quite the roller-coaster ride and I am so excited for them as they have been longing to be parents for so long! 

still dreaming/drooling/praying :)

Ok, so I am SO obsessed with one neighborhood that I took the map of the lots  that was given to me and wrote an S on the ones that are sold as listed online, and made notes on the ones I am curious about.  I even labelled the lots that border the 100 year flood plain.  Ha!  I think I will e-mail the sales rep and ask for a link to the CC&R's.  I did see someone with a garden in their back yard.... not just containers, a real garden.

I REALLY want a place that is big enough for family to come visit and not have to stay in a motel/hotel/campsite/the driveway.  It doesn't have to be huge, just have enough rooms to work with, you know? 

Of course, technically hubby has not done a lot of actual work with his new job yet, and technically we don't like the commute, so we should technically probably wait to jump into home ownership again. (and the only way the commute would be better is to move to an entirely different metro area.)  Thanksgiving at Caslon's made me itch for breathing room, well, outside at least.  We were kind of crowded inside, but that's just cozy when you are with the people you love.   And honestly, they have ample space for daytime, it's just sleeping that gets tricky when all of us invade.

so now I am praying for wisdom... when, where, etc...  that tax rebate is sounding mighty attractive.  I am loving quaint things about the town we have currently chosen for now.  Perhaps we SHOULD drive around and consider other areas, but I am itching to feel settled.

However, the good news is that hubby will be home with us on Tuesday.  Tech Mom and Dad are coming tonight, and we'll drive down to where hubby is tomorrow.  Graduation is Monday.  Yahoo!  I am so proud of him and ready to have him home! 

"Dream Building"

So, a few years ago, when we were first married, we were conned, I mean lured, I mean naive enough to get into an MLM company that was big into "dream building."   The problem with the particular company was that it was all about recruitment, sales of their products were secondary to recruitment.  Um, sorry, but ya gotta have a customer base to be able to earn those commissions, etc...

ANYWAY, one of the things we liked to do was walk through various homes in neighborhoods that were way out of our price range.  We were living with my in-laws at the time, and the dream of more space (although our space really was adequate and the savings we made by living with them while hubby finished his degree was priceless), well, it was fun.

One of our pastimes is still looking at homes, moreso now that we are in an apartment and I am getting stir crazy.

The problem?  The ones that are built to our desires for quality and space are either way too pricey or in the wrong school zone.  But we found one yesterday that had a perfect big yard with plenty of room for the kiddos to roam... the high school it is zoned to is the best in the county, the elementary and middle schools are not.  :( The floor plan is not perfect, but would be workable, and it's in a small neighborhood on a beautiful cul-de-sac, FLAT lot.  CLICK HERE to drool.

Other good points?  5-10 minutes from the interstate AND our pediatricians and grocery shopping.
Immaculately built, lots of extras included, like extra shelving in the master closet, tile backsplash in kitchen and master bath.... family run company that according to the State website of business registration has been around since '63, and the realtor we met was also the VP of the company/builder. 

So then there was another neighborhood, not far from this one, a little bit further down a countrier road.  Another regional builder, similar style homes and lots, significantly lower price point... but when we looked up that company, even though the sales rep said he had been around for a while, according to the state this particular business entity must have restructured because the date listed was much "younger."  However, that being said, this company actually offers homes in our preferred price range. 

Hubby looked in the attics of both builders' homes..... looked well constructed compared to the ones we looked in in Woodstock last month.

We're not in a rush, per se, but after walking through spacious homes I feel a bit stir crazy and cramped in my cozy apartment.

improvisation

What do you do when you have an idea for a project but lack the exact things or measurements you need? When it comes to cooking, I improvise. (When it comes to other things, I just put it off until it becomes a distant memory of an idea.) Well, between my searches for Christmas activities and friends' status updates and links on FB, and considering the fact that many of our beloved Christmas ornaments are in storage and will probably stay there this year, I thought we could make some ornaments of our own this year. Specifically: cinnamon applesauce ornaments.

I had applesauce in the fridge and cinnamon in the cupboard, so I should be all set, right? The problem was I did not have the exact amounts that any of the recipes called for. The simplest one said one part cinnamon to one part applesauce. I tried that. It was sticky. That's where the improvisation came in. I added flour. I should say, Bear and I added flour. So while I can't give you the exact recipe if you are interested, I can tell you that our mission was accomplished. We mixed applesauce, cinnamon, and flour and kneaded it to make a "cookie dough." We rolled the dough out flat on our cutting board, and used the only two cookie cutters that I could find to make bells and stars. (They happened to be in the play-dough kit. The other ornaments are probably buried in storage somewhere.) Conveniently, our tree is tiny, so the size should work out perfectly. We had to keep sprinkling with flour to keep the dough from sticking, but in the end we came out with at least 20 shapes. After we placed them on a foil-covered cookie sheet, I took a skinny straw and punched a hole in the shapes. I baked them on 200 for about 20 minutes, turned them over, then baked them for 20 more minutes. they are cooling on the stove, and the best part is the house smells wonderful!

 Now Bear wants to make cookies we can actually eat.  She tasted this dough and said it's kind of yummy but mostly yucky.

The ornaments were still slightly doughy on the bottom, which turned out useful for making the holes a little bit bigger on about half of them. 
Another plus side to this recipe it's non-toxic, so if a 15 month old gets ahold of one and decides to munch on it, no harm done.

giving thanks (what a difference 4 years makes)

Our holiday rotation has brought us back to Caslon and Camera Guy's home. As I sit and type this, and hubby cradles our youngest niece, I can't help but flash back to what simultaneously seems like it was centuries ago and not so long ago.

4 years ago... Bear was 1 month old. Hubby was at training. I was a wreck. Our nursing experience was hellish. Really, it was. Bear wasn't gaining weight well, I was a brand new Mom with my husband 9 hours away. Tech Mom and Dad picked up us girls for the trek to meet Hubby at his sister's house and celebrate Thanksgiving with the rest of the family. I thought I had everything. Breast pump, check, baby clothes, diapers, etc., check. House keys for our return, check. Looking back, I am sure that my baby blues were PPD, and the stress of worrying about Bear's weight and our circumstances consumed me.

We arrived at our destination and realized that I had forgotten to make sure my bag was loaded into the car.

This year. Hubby is away for another training, which likely would not have been possible had he not gone through the first one 4 years ago. Thankfully, this time he was able to drive home Wednesday night and we headed to meet the fam at his sister's on Thanksgiving morning.

It's been a wonderful weekend... very relaxing, except for worrying that my kids might give everyone else their colds. I love that my in-laws can just "be" together. Hanging out, watching tv, listening to music, checking FB or blogs, playing some games, target practice, playing wii or a board game... sitting back and relaxing, in my case. I'm sure it hasn't been quite as relaxing for our hosts, but I am so thankful for them. Bear is playing well with her older cousins and adoring her youngest cousin. Buddy has been making less of a mess than we anticipated, even leaving some vases and other things alone so far. He prefers to climb up and down the stairs or look for the cat. The baby is about the same age as Buddy was last year at Christmas, and I can't believe how time has flown. How fast he's grown. I am so thankful that this bunch makes a way to be together for quality time, somehow, whatever it takes, at least a couple of times per year.

We have so much to be thankful for. God has blessed us with 2 wonderful kids, and in the midst of a lot of changes, it's nice to have a peace that passes all understanding when I am normally so accustomed to anxiety and fear.

another bloggy link
If we're friends on FB, you saw my status update about some friends from college whose adoption that seemed certain fell through. If you want to keep up with their adoption and church-planting journey, you can visit Emily's blog.

Little Joseph has gone to be with Jesus, after a hard life-long fight at just 14 months old. Please keep his family in your prayers. "He is all better now."

Dear Lord,

Please help me be a person who values relationships above circumstances; one who welcomes friends and family unconditionally and never makes them feel like they are intruding on something more important.

Amen.

Keep praying for Little Joe and his family.

Joseph and his twin brother Joshua are my friend Sandy's nephews. He has been in the hospital since birth over a year ago. The doctors are telling his parents, "it's just a matter of time." Yet he keeps showing his Mommy and Daddy that he has fight left in him. I cannot imagine the difficulty of watching such a little baby fight for his life since before birth... click on the link above to read their story on their Caring Bridge Site.

sometimes He uses the little things to remind us...

Do you ever pray for the weather to improve, but not really believe it will make a difference?
When I was in college, I spent about 5 weeks in Western Mexico... Sinaloa, to be exact. That's the state that is parallel to the bottom of the Baja Peninsula/Cabo. Well, Hurricane Rick was forecast to hit that area really hard. So a couple of days ago, Hannah and I prayed that the hurricane would weaken before it hit land. I haven't been in contact with anyone I met there since I left, but I think of them and pray for them fairly often.

Last I checked, it has weakened to a tropical storm. Oh, me of little faith. Just goes to show that God IS faithful, even when our faith is weak. Sometimes just asking is enough. In fact, sometimes we don't have to ask. Jesus intercedes for us. How amazing is that?

The family and friends Alaska cruise with Mark Schultz, Bebo Norman, and Joy Williams would be a good 11th anniversary trip... of course, we also want to try to get up to the Cape to see my relatives since I haven't been there in 15+ years....

hubby came home this weekend...
...and did not leave until this afternoon thanks to the belated Columbus. It was relaxing, and he even managed to get a little studying done.

A good friend is coming tomorrow and staying until Thursday, and then Thursday my parents are stopping by until late Friday on their way farther South.