she's still my baby...

It seems that lately I have been noting how big my little one is growing. She's attempting new words almost daily . (Today's word is "go!") In the past, I've mourned the fact that she typically doesn't fall asleep in my arms. The Mommy in me would love to just hold her indefinitely. While the pragmatist in me is glad she sleeps independently, a little more cuddle time is always welcome.

Our daughter was cranky when we put her down tonight. I guess I would be cranky, too, if I had to sleep in a closet. It's a large walk-in, so don't be alarmed. The pack and play fits in with room to spare, and it has an air vent and a light switch. This is not the cupboard under the stairs. My mothering instincts kicked in, and I decided to go back up stairs and try to settle her down. It was not easy, but eventually she laid down on my torso, her back to my tummy. I could feel her body relax. I had the blinds open, so the glow of the moonlight and neighborhood lights reflecting off the snow below served as a night light. Baby Bear seemed to want to go toward the light coming into the room through the cracks around the doorway, but eventually she settled down. Until Daddy came to check on us. She was glad to go to him for a few minutes though she returned to my arms pretty quickly. Eventually, both of us fell asleep on the bed, and about an hour or so later, I woke up to my little one sleeping and snoring peacefully underneath my arm. I snuck her into the closet and laid her in the pack and play, where she is sleeping soundly.

I can't say that I blame her for not settling down. She's in a small "room" that is relatively unfamiliar to her. She has been playing with her cousins all day, and loves every minute of getting into her cousins' toys, climbing on the little tikes castle, and going down the slide. And don't forget her gleeful response to chasing Jessie, the not-so-little kitty. She loves to give Jessie kisses when she catches her, and Jessie does not hiss at her like Princess or Lucy would.

Bedtimes like tonight remind me that my growing toddler is still a baby. She may be twenty-something pounds of baby, but she is not yet a little girl. The instinct to protect and care for her and to make her comfortable when she can't quite comfort herself, is one of God's greatest gifts to women. In light of recent events, I am even more grateful that she still needs her Mommy. Her Mommy needs her, too.