"A Letter from Jesus Christ to the Soul that Really Loves Him"
by John of Landsberg, 1555

One thing I have to warn you of especially is your constant tendency to grow fainthearted under the weight of your faults and oversights and an inclination almost to despair when a sudden lack of confidence reduces your firm decisions to nothing. I know those moods when you sit there utterly alone, eaten up with unhappiness, in a pure state of grief. You don't move towards me but desperately imagine that everything you have ever done has been utterly lost and forgotten. This near-despair and self-pity are actually a form of pride. What you think was a state of absolute security from which you've fallen was really trusting too much in your own strength and ability. Profound depression and perplexity of mind often follow a loss of hope, when what really ails you is that things simply haven't happened as you expected and wanted. In fact, I don't want you to rely on your own strength and abilities and plans, but to distrust them and to distrust yourself, and to trust me and no one and nothing else. As long as you rely on yourself you are bound to come to grief. You still have a most important to learn: your own strength will no more help you to stand upright than dropping yourself on a broken reed. You must not despair of me. You must hope and trust in me absolutely. My mercy is infinite..."

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This may have been written centuries ago, but it could have been written today. I found it in a lesson on self-centeredness as a form of idolatry. It hit home. I won't go into all the reasons why it affected me so personally, though those of you who know me well or have even read my blog a while might have some insight into that. It will suffice to say that it seems my heart is finally returning to a point of surrender, of drawing near to Him who knows the answers to all my questions. To Him who is bigger than any fears, and more fulfilling than any dreams.

It's like the fall rain brought refreshment for my soul.