in limbo

I am beginning to feel as though I've lived out of a suitcase all summer. Oh, wait, I have, just about. Our house sold, we moved out, and the closing was last week. We're currently settled into our interim home, enjoying my parents' big yard, fresh apples from the trees, and country breezes. I think I've mentioned that I hate that they have this place for sale... but I completely see why it's getting to be too much upkeep for them. In the meantime, the kids are getting to spend quality time with Grandma and Grandpa, and at least we aren't crammed into a hotel room somewhere.

I put Bear back into gymnastics. There is a location from the company we used before 5 minutes away from my parents' home, and she said she wanted to go back. It's a good break for both of us, and I'm sure my parents are glad for a little peace and quiet. I'm thankful that they are letting us go week by week, as our life is so crazy right now. It's amazing how much this town has grown since we moved here 16 years ago, when I was a junior in high school. It's so different.

Hubby hooked up our tv, dvd player, and Wii tonight... I'm a little apprehensive about what the Fit will reveal. There is a great walking trail nearby, too, but I can't find my new running shoes. I think I left them in WI or Memphis.

I'm tired. Emotionally, physically, you name it. A lot of good things are going on in our life, but I am worn out from all the wondering and waiting. At least I have a wonderful husband and two awesome kids, and we are in the advenure together.

A Public Service Announcement

Now that he's made his appearance, I plan to post Little Guy's updates on my kid-centered blog (Hannah Bear's Cave), and eventually return to posting some of my mind's random ramblings, er... wanderings... on this one. You can also find me on FB (e-mail me if you want to befriend me there).

false alarm
(potentially tmi)

I woke up at 3 am to pee and felt extra moist. Went to the doctor, nothing more than my body prepping for the big event. It was not the extremely slow leak I had hoped it was.

Dilation is about the same (between 2 and 3), effacement has continued to 70-80%. So progress has been made.

My belly feels like a watermelon.

Still sporadic contractions, but nothing consistent, though talking on the phone tends to set them into gear. Too bad I don't feel like talking all the time!!!

So we're waiting until Wednesday for the NST and u/s. At that point, if Little Guy still hasn't decided to leave his cozy home, I will most likely request an induction for Thursday or Friday. I went into this trimester hoping to be able to find out what it's like for my body to start labor naturally. And the OB who was on call today respects that. She sympathetically yet flat out told me that there is no medical reason to induce at this point, when my body is showing signs that it is prepping for the big event. (Though they would do it if I asked them to.) So we're giving it a couple of more days, and praying, as we have every day for a week or so, that today is the big day. ;-) This doc also induced her first one and waited to go into labor on her own for the 2nd, so she obviously understands the emotional aspect of wanting to let how God designed us take it's course when it is possible. And she comforted me by saying that at the very end she was going crazy wondering, and she is a physician who sees women go through it all the time. God knew who needed to be on call today.

I took a good nap this afternoon and have a homemade chicken pot pie in the oven. I figured the heat from the oven could bring on contractions! (The crusts are the roll out kind, don't think I'm too insane.)

It's been a good day, overall.

So far, baby is still baking. But that's ok, he'll come when he's ready, or be evicted no later than Friday, I am sure. I felt loved by my church family, loved by my parents, hubby and daughter, and all those who called to wish me happy birthday and find out if Little Guy seemed any closer to making his appearance.

Little Guy danced in my womb during the worship service, and that is one of my favorite parts of pregnancy. We sang one of my all-time favorite hymns, "The Solid Rock."

If he comes tomorrow, he and his sister will have been born on the same day of their birth months. That would be nice. (My brother and I were born on the same day of our birth months, so it would be kind of like continuing a family tradition, plus make it easy to remember. The number would also be the same as one of her cousins.)

Pray for rest for me, I am tired and though I really want to meet my little one ASAP, a good night of sleep sure sounds appealing.

comforting words... and not so much

caslon called to wish me happy birthday and see if her newest nephew was showing any signs of making an appearance yet. her best friend from childhood was the youngest of 4, came the latest and the longest labor. while that might discouraged some, at least i know i am not alone in the waiting game. i keep reminding myself he's not a week late yet.

then gramma m called to wish me happy birthday and tell me a girl in her church gave birth this morning. good for her!

little guy has definitely dropped lower, there are some early signs that he could come soon, but they are the kinds subtle of signs that mean "soon" could be 8 hours away or 2 weeks away, because every woman, her pregnancy and baby are different. but some signs are better than none at all. and there are still 8 hours left in the day, so while not probably, the arrival of my little guy on my birthday could be possible.

after church, mom and dad treated us to lunch. they were not-so-secretly hoping my water would break or contractions would set it while all of us were together.

bear is awake from her nap and calling my name. time to waddle downstairs. maybe i'll let her tackle me and see if that helps bring on labor.

Update on little Joseph....

He passed away at the age of 4. Please pray for his family.



******
BTW, yes I know sleep can help relax the body to bring on labor, too.
I tried to get to sleep, it didn't happen. Let's hope the 2nd time is the charm! (At least for the sleep part, the whole waiting game is not ALL that terrible unless I am trying to get up from lying down. Or get to sleep.)

the 39 week check-up went well.

no big changes since last week. my blood pressure was up a little but still within the normal range. when i asked the ob if that meant i probably won't have a full moon baby tomorrow, she offered a disclaimer but said "probably not. he's still pretty high up there." she thought for a moment...

"the full moon's this weekend?" she asked.
"yup."
"woo-hoo, i'm not on call for once!" (maybe she didn't say w00-hoo, i don't remember for sure.)
"so there IS something to the whole full-moon theory?" i asked.
"absolutely, they don't call them lunatics for nothing!"

nothin' a little retail therapy can't fix

so, i got to my check-up today. everything was going smoothly.

weight? 165 lbs. check
blood pressure? still great
baby's heartbeat? 145 bpm
progress? 2 cm, 50%
position? head first
size? can't REALLY tell, but no more than 7 1/2 lbs, possibly less
if he doesn't come on his own by 41 weeks, induction will be eminent. we've got a bit to go for that.

and oh, by the way, since i tested + for group b strep, i get to have penicillin iv'd through me. what happened to the phone call with the results? am i sooo laid back that i come across like i don't care? what if i had gone into labor this week and did not know i would need the iv's, took my precious time getting to the hospital, and then not been able to get the meds? i'm sure it would have been fine, but i was a bit irritated.

oh, well. now i have some super cute itsy bitsy newborn socks and caps and a super snuggly blanket and snuggle toy set for my little guy (for bear to give to him), 2 pair of lightweight pants for bear to wear with her plethora of t-shirts, and a present for bear from her little brother. i tried not to let the fact that kohl's doesn't carry nursing tops or bras spoil my therapy session.

38 weeks

Where has the time gone? I have been blessed with a smooth pregnancy. What has stood out the most has been the process of seeing our little girl "get it". Now, I am not blind to the fact that she doesn't yet understand all the ways her life is about to change (or mine, for that matter). But it is not uncommon for her to just come up and give my belly a hug, kiss, or both. She talks about him as if he were already here, which he is in a way. She is growing into such a big girl, and while it excites and awes me, part of me wants to scream, "No!!!! Don't grow up so fast!!!" I am amazed by her sense of logic and reason at a young age. And order. She already has the gift of communication and draws conclusions that some teenagers would not verbalize. She likes to help and that is going to come in handy when we need diapers, wipes, another blankie, etc.... Yet I also want to remember to not push her to grow up too fast, to encourage her to experiment... to play with caterpillars, pick tomatoes, paint her craft in her own way without fretting about the mess. There is a time and place for order, and there is a time and place for creativity.

Oh, wait, this entry was supposed to be about my 38th week of pregnancy with our little guy. Well, my check-up is not until tomorrow, so not much to report statistically today. Occasional Braxton Hicks, but nothing major. My biggest complaints are heartburn and getting up from the couch or in and out of bed. I am trying to go for walks once a day or so, or at least every other day....

I love feeling the movements inside, even when I get jabbed in the ribs or my bladder hurts. Bear was never as continuously active as Little Guy has been, and I can't help but wonder if that's an indication of his temperament. Or just a boy vs. girl difference.

I am a bit anxious about nursing, since it was so hard with Bear and she had such difficulty gaining weight at first, but trying not to worry about it.

I am looking forward to having hubby home instead of having him rush off to training 8 hours away. In fact, I'm looking forward to (hopefully) going into labor on my own, when my body and baby are ready. In that sense, this almost feels like a first pregnancy... without the fear of the complete unknown of labor, since I have labored before.

I am also a bit sad. I have several friends online and in real life who have lost babies during the time that I have been pregnant, one has lost her 2nd. (The first would have been due this week.) So I mourn for my friends, Moms who are wondering "why?", and wish they could experiece the journey of motherhood without the pain. I pray that they will not lose hope, that the Lord will bless them with healthy pregnancies and children.

This is a milestone week. Almost 3 years ago, I went into my 38-week check-up and my doctor offered the induction the next week because she knew our circumstances. That was best for us.
This time, I revel in the mystery and expectation... with a few aches and pains along the way. It's exciting!

belly shots- 37 weeks

outgrowing my motherhood tank (it has shrunk a lot, too)

cast your vote in the poll in the sidebar:
will my belly-button turn into an "outie" before little guy's birth?

36-ish week check-up

Baby's HB: 158 bpm
Fundal Height: "perfectly on track"
My BP: good
My weight: 166... up 4 lbs... it's the thick jeans, i swear! i wasn't wearing my thick, long jeans with big-ol' belly band last week.
group b strep: awaiting results
and since she was already invading my privacy, and my curiousity got the best of me, she checked for the following:

dilation- 1 cm
effacement- 50%

Those stats don't mean anything as far as when to expect our little guy to push his way out, but it is nice to know my body is getting ready for the big day.

I'm meeting my prospective doula in person tonight. :)

Almost 35 week check up

Bear and I went for my check-up at the OB today. It was an uneventful belly check and pee-in-a-cup visit. The Group B strep test will be in 2 more weeks at my next visit, and after that I'll go every week until Little Guy decides he's had enough of being inside.

Mommy's weigh in: 162 lbs (up 2 from 2 weeks ago)
BP: 100/60
Little Man's Heartbeat: 156 BPM. He had Whole Foods' pure cane sugar ginger ale and some candy before we went in, so I think that got him moving. Gotta love mommy's strange cravings.

Dr. S said it feels like he's head down, but of course it's early enough that he could reposition himself if he wanted to. Still, based on the fact that I feel him at both extremes of my abdomen, I think I'll feel if he does a complete 180. So that means the hard thing at various spots I keep feeling between my belly and ribs must be his buttocks.

I went to print out my birth plan this morning, a FYI list of preferences for labor and delivery, and the printer was out of ink. Grrr... Oh, well, I've already verbally told the OB's my preferences, and hopefully well get ink between now and the next visit.

While we waited in the waiting room, a Daddy and his two beautiful daughters shared their toys with Bear while they were waiting for their Mom during her check-up. His younger daughter appeared to be around Bear's age, but was actually six years old. She has Down's syndrome, and will be a big sister to a little boy come October-something. They seemed like such a sweet family, and when I asked the 8 year old if she liked being a big sister, she said she loves it and can't wait to have a brother. Awwww... no mention of her younger sister's struggles, just her love for her. Bear did not appear to notice that the younger girl was different, either.

disconnected

my computer is dead... battery is dead, and the cord's short which required us to position it "just so" in order to use or charge the thing turned into a full fledged fire hazard when it sparked just after monday's post. i'm glad to see the post went through.

if you need to reach me, hopefully you have my phone #. i may try to go to the library, but i'm not sure if checking e-mail there will really happen with a 2 year old..


so.... quick baby update. HB was 144 BPM at today's visit. My OB had to rush off to deliver a baby. I forget she does do that for other women, too. ;) U/S has been scheduled for April Fool's Day (no joke). I gained 3 lbs since my last appt. Baby Bear got to hear the heartbeat, too. She was more impressed by the toys in the waiting room. But for the past 3 days she has been saying there is a brother in mommy's belly. Is God telling her something we don't know... we'll find out. She had previously been consitently switching between predicting boy or girl, but for 3 days her prediction has been the same. Hopefully she won't be too diappointed if it's a sister. She'll get over it, if she is.

So, see you when I get back. If you need to reach me,e-mail my sis, sis's in law, or mil if you don't have my phone # already. Hopefully I won't be offline for too long.

hasta luego...

imagination or reality?

the past few days, i think i have felt the early flutters of my little baby's kicks. they are very soft, hardly noticable. it's still early, at 14 weeks, but i like to think it's more than just gas.

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