Saturday, November 02, 2019
Annual check in
Once upon a time, I posted here fairly frequently. It's amusing to stop in and realize how much time has passed since my last post... Facebook and Instagram have replaced this segment of cyberspace.
Maybe some day I will return to blogging, but right now I lack the inspiration
Friday, June 08, 2018
Hmmm...
My last post was over a year ago. That other social media platform has definitely taken over.
Tuesday, March 07, 2017
Plexus Experiment Update
As of yesterday, I weighed 153, about 3 lbs less. Given that I have been eating less sugar and carbs over all, I cannot give Plexus the entire credit.
The last time I checked my fasting glucose, it was 122. :( That's not going in the right direction. I need to call my new doctor and request an A1C test before I go in for my physical, and face reality that I HAVE to change my eating habits. Exercise and Plexus alone will not do the trick. The sad thing is that my habits are better than so many people. I don't fit the type 2 diabetic stereotype. My weight is healthy. I exercise. But I have felt dehydrated and the glucose meter doesn't lie unless you forget to wash your hands and there is extra sugar on your skin when you prick your finger.
I MAY be having some increase in energy and regularity... but again, not consistent. But it has only been a week or so.
I am thrilled for my friends who think Plexus is helping them, and continuing my Slim and Probio5 Daily, but honestly... we'll see how the rest of this month goes. I am pretty sure there is no such thing as a magic pill or drink that cures gut health issues, if there is, show me the independent, objective scientific studies not anecdotal evidence.
The last time I checked my fasting glucose, it was 122. :( That's not going in the right direction. I need to call my new doctor and request an A1C test before I go in for my physical, and face reality that I HAVE to change my eating habits. Exercise and Plexus alone will not do the trick. The sad thing is that my habits are better than so many people. I don't fit the type 2 diabetic stereotype. My weight is healthy. I exercise. But I have felt dehydrated and the glucose meter doesn't lie unless you forget to wash your hands and there is extra sugar on your skin when you prick your finger.
I MAY be having some increase in energy and regularity... but again, not consistent. But it has only been a week or so.
I am thrilled for my friends who think Plexus is helping them, and continuing my Slim and Probio5 Daily, but honestly... we'll see how the rest of this month goes. I am pretty sure there is no such thing as a magic pill or drink that cures gut health issues, if there is, show me the independent, objective scientific studies not anecdotal evidence.
Tuesday, February 28, 2017
Plexus Journal- one person's experiment
Ok... I am a skeptic.
I've tried MLM companies and their products and struggle because while I want to support friends' business endeavors, often the products don't deliver. They are almost always expensive.
Well, I have prediabetes. My last A1C test 2 years ago was 6.0. I've dropped the ball and have not been tested since, but I have been exercising more and cut back on drinking pop and juice.
I have an appointment on March 16 for my long overdue physical.
A few friends use Plexus, most of them are not in the same downline, and then my sister suggested I try it (again... I received a sample from a friend a couple of years ago. It was ok, but not great... but what can you really tell in a week?)
So... here goes... In the next month or two, I am going to periodically document my observations while using Plexus Slim and Priobio5 once a day. The company touts stabilizing of blood glucose, weight loss, and gut health as benefits... this is my 1-person non-scientific study, observations, and opinions. I have a 30 day supply of Slim and 60 capule bottle of Priobio5:
Might be TMI at times, so read at your own risk.
I may or may not respond to comments, don't take it personally if you stumble across this... I am not a professional blogger and do not aspire to be.
I am 40 years old and weigh 156 pounds as of the beginning of this experiment.
2/27- 1 glass Plexus slim. I want to believe I had more energy in the afternoon than I normally do without my afternoon coffee. Really, I do. I forgot about the probiotic... oops.
2/28- The Pink Drink is not so bad. I like the flavor better than Shakeology, but it doesn't have all the extra superfood nutrients, so.... I'm skeptical. But at least it's less expensive.
M, B, S, E, and D all seem to love it, and don't even know eachother, and I really like them, so... I will give it a fair try.
There are MANY negative reviews online, so of course my husband thinks it's a scam and a pyramid scheme because he suspects the majority of people who sign up as ambassadors spend more than they sell of the product to non-ambassadors.... it reeks of Amway/Quixtar in that sense.... ugh. Been there, done that, don't want to go back...
Where's the precise nutritional data? Exactly what is in this stuff??? I really do think it helped boost my energy a little. But would it be worth the monthly $132 retail? Doubtful.... we're cheap/frugal/try to be wise with our financial choices. It seems that truly fixing our grocery purchases and eating habits would be a more cost-effective investment for the whole family. I want to believe a pill and a drink mix can help keep me from getting diabetes, really, I do...
I took a probiotic capsule before dinner... so far I still feel my usual bloat and constipation, and I've increased my water intake to at least 60 ounces today... working up to that goal of 80.
I wonder how long it's supposed to take to start noticing measurable results?
Is the insomnia I am dealing with going to get better with these products over time? It would be great if they would help that in addition to all the other awesome things they are supposed to do for my health... I've been up since 11:30 and want to get back to sleep.
3/2/17:
My fasting glucose level was 113 this morning at 7:15 a.m. That's about what it was running the last time I checked it first thing, so 3 days in, no significant improvement yet.
I've tried MLM companies and their products and struggle because while I want to support friends' business endeavors, often the products don't deliver. They are almost always expensive.
Well, I have prediabetes. My last A1C test 2 years ago was 6.0. I've dropped the ball and have not been tested since, but I have been exercising more and cut back on drinking pop and juice.
I have an appointment on March 16 for my long overdue physical.
A few friends use Plexus, most of them are not in the same downline, and then my sister suggested I try it (again... I received a sample from a friend a couple of years ago. It was ok, but not great... but what can you really tell in a week?)
So... here goes... In the next month or two, I am going to periodically document my observations while using Plexus Slim and Priobio5 once a day. The company touts stabilizing of blood glucose, weight loss, and gut health as benefits... this is my 1-person non-scientific study, observations, and opinions. I have a 30 day supply of Slim and 60 capule bottle of Priobio5:
Might be TMI at times, so read at your own risk.
I may or may not respond to comments, don't take it personally if you stumble across this... I am not a professional blogger and do not aspire to be.
I am 40 years old and weigh 156 pounds as of the beginning of this experiment.
2/27- 1 glass Plexus slim. I want to believe I had more energy in the afternoon than I normally do without my afternoon coffee. Really, I do. I forgot about the probiotic... oops.
2/28- The Pink Drink is not so bad. I like the flavor better than Shakeology, but it doesn't have all the extra superfood nutrients, so.... I'm skeptical. But at least it's less expensive.
M, B, S, E, and D all seem to love it, and don't even know eachother, and I really like them, so... I will give it a fair try.
There are MANY negative reviews online, so of course my husband thinks it's a scam and a pyramid scheme because he suspects the majority of people who sign up as ambassadors spend more than they sell of the product to non-ambassadors.... it reeks of Amway/Quixtar in that sense.... ugh. Been there, done that, don't want to go back...
Where's the precise nutritional data? Exactly what is in this stuff??? I really do think it helped boost my energy a little. But would it be worth the monthly $132 retail? Doubtful.... we're cheap/frugal/try to be wise with our financial choices. It seems that truly fixing our grocery purchases and eating habits would be a more cost-effective investment for the whole family. I want to believe a pill and a drink mix can help keep me from getting diabetes, really, I do...
I took a probiotic capsule before dinner... so far I still feel my usual bloat and constipation, and I've increased my water intake to at least 60 ounces today... working up to that goal of 80.
I wonder how long it's supposed to take to start noticing measurable results?
Is the insomnia I am dealing with going to get better with these products over time? It would be great if they would help that in addition to all the other awesome things they are supposed to do for my health... I've been up since 11:30 and want to get back to sleep.
3/2/17:
My fasting glucose level was 113 this morning at 7:15 a.m. That's about what it was running the last time I checked it first thing, so 3 days in, no significant improvement yet.
Improvement- one mile at a time
January mileage (run/walk): 31
February goal: 40
February actual mileage: 50
Mileage since last February: 400!!!!
Goals for March:
60 miles
Lower average pace to 12:00 mpm
Exercise 30 minutes 5 days per week
Drink 80 ounces of water per day
Lose 5 pounds
February goal: 40
February actual mileage: 50
Mileage since last February: 400!!!!
Goals for March:
60 miles
Lower average pace to 12:00 mpm
Exercise 30 minutes 5 days per week
Drink 80 ounces of water per day
Lose 5 pounds
Tuesday, January 03, 2017
Reflection
I remember...
the circulatory itching in my legs that burned worse than muscle soreness
the labored breathing and necessity of keeping my inhaler with me during all attempted runs
saying that running 1/2 mile was harder than delivering a baby without an epidural
3 friends who agreed to join me at my first 5k
Running my first 10k on a Thanksgiving morning
Wondering if my family would meet me at a finish line of a race
My first 10 mile run during my vacation on an Island off the Atlantic Coast
3 friends, one of whom I had only met online, meeting me the morning of my first half marathon... 2 ran the 5k, one completed her 12 half marathons in a year challenge
Seeing my family at mile 9 during my first half marathon in June
Crossing that finish line in under 3 hours... MY pace, injury free
The elation of meeting that goal, pushing myself to follow through and achieving it.
Wondering if I really did it, getting out of the groove as the months passed
Starting over yesterday
********
Here's to Run the Year 2017... no matter what the challenge looks like for you...
********
Here's to Run the Year 2017... no matter what the challenge looks like for you...
whether you are doing the whole 2,017 miles, running, walking, a combo, or splitting up the miles with a team.
This is your journey. Nobody else can take the steps for you.
(originally written in the Run the Year 2017 Facebook group)
Looking back to my first Half Marathon
Apparently I never posted after my half marathon.
I did it. 6 months have passed.
It's surreal to think of now, as I dwindled and became rather sedentary.
Regardless, NOTHING can take away the fact that I trained and accomplished my goal of running and walking 13.1 miles.
I did it. 6 months have passed.
It's surreal to think of now, as I dwindled and became rather sedentary.
Regardless, NOTHING can take away the fact that I trained and accomplished my goal of running and walking 13.1 miles.
Fellow Flowers swag from the pre-race expo... a splurge for me.
The symbolism behind this color summed up my race.
Fellow Flowers made sure that even the last women across the line had a cheering section.
Ready to run 13.1!
Pre-raise pampering compliments of Her Madison and their sponsors.
Gorgeous route along the lake.
I'm not sure which lake, Madison has a few of them.
Just when I was getting exhausted, my family met me at mile 9!!!!
The only race they had ever gone to before was my first very 5k, the one in which I ran in front of our yard, the then-baby still asleep, and hubs and the older two cheered from the yard. It was so convenient to have that one go through our neighborhood. Needless to say, having them with me was
HUGE. We live over an hour away, so we stayed in a hotel the night before.
Pre-finish celebration... the end was in sight.
These friends met me. 2 of them, who grew up with my husband and his family and are like family themselves, picked me up at the hotel so my family could come later.
J and L did the 5k and met me at the finish line with my family and also B, who finished ahead of me.
B, the tie-dyed gal is one of those infamous internet friends... we met through a mutual friend, my former running buddy from down South. She ran a half marathon every month in 2016...
I am jealous of all the cool destinations she went to.
6 months have passed already.
With the New Year, I'm looking back at what I did and forward to what to do this year.
Thursday, June 23, 2016
Operation Half Marathon By 40
It's almost here!!!! It's so close I can taste the sweat.
I haven't blogged about my journey as diligently as I had hoped to. Not here, anyway. Not that anyone's reading. This is sort of my symbolic blog; I can't shut it down, but it's definitely not a huge priority right now. So, if you drop in and read, welcome! (Thanks, too!)
Anyway, 2 weeks ago I completed my first 11 mile run/walk EVER. It was rather surreal. Our family was on vacation at a beach, FAR from our home in Wisconsin. I have a confession: I really don't care for running on the beach. My feet prefer pavement to sand or gravel. BUT I love the ocean and was not about to NOT run on the beach at all. So, I did my warm up miles and then switched to the trails on the island. Not having a training buddy has weakened my resolve in some ways. Back home in Tennessee, before the move, my partner and I trained at 3:1 run:walk ratios. Usually. That was flexible. I've really struggled to work back up to that here, and have been aiming for 2:1 ratios. My goal is to finish, period. Preferrably on two feet and not on a stretcher. If I finish in 3 hours I;ll be thrilled. I'll probably be ok if I finish in 3.5 hours. Or even 4. Really, just to finish will be awesome. 3 years ago, I did not anticipate running more than a 10k. Or run/walking. Even 2 years ago, I was not ready to try. And last year, well, moving 600 miles across the country consumed my life. At this time last year, we were getting our house on the market, doing things we should have done 3 years earlier for ourselves instead of waiting to do them for other people to like the house better. Que sera, sera. It sold, praise the Lord.
I digress.
I KNEW I needed to do my long run, but I felt guilty for leaving the kids with the family and taking the time to do it. Around mile 5, I had passed that awkward first 3 miles and was actually having fun. (Does that happen to anyone else, I wonder?) I texted the fam and let them know I Was going for 10. For some reason, the idea of running 10 miles out by my house in the country was more intimidating to me than running 10 miles on a trail on an island that I;d never visited before. The difference: trails. No jumping off the road or wondering if some idiot would lose control while driving down the hill along the state highway that is part of my route. Normally I go into town for my long runs, that's how much the country-road experience unsettles me.
So I ran. I saw an alligator on the bank across the pond from a trail. There were other runners and bikers, and it was early enough that the Southern heat wasn't too stifling. I enjoyed the scenery, and relished the experience of having actual paths designated for recreation for the entire route. I would love to say I pondered deep things, but I really just enjoyed the solitude and the breeze in the salty air, along with the scenery. I especially enjoyed the shady portions.
When I got to my last stretch, I saw my sister-in-law coming down the trail. She does her own fitness thing and has been a huge encourager in my journey also. She turned around and finished my last 2 miles with me. At some point I had decided that instead of repeating my 10 mile distance, I would push on toward 11. It's a good thing I don't run the whole thing. Anyway, she joined me and it turned out that ending the workout on the beach was just over the 11 mile marker. PR on vacation! Yes!
So there we were, and our family was there to witness my success. :)
I would love to say I went on to train perfectly these last 2 weeks. I'd be lying. I've done the best I can, and I'm pretty confident that I will be walking a bunch. BUT I am also confident that after finishing 11 miles once, 13 will be achievable. And I'm also really, really, really excited about the race I've chosen:
HerMadison Half Marathon
I don't know my way around the city, but I love what I have seen of it. Madison has a unique vibe to it.
I've looked at other half-marathons in the past and they were NOT beginner friendly. In fact, they looked snobbishly intimidating, as though they only wanted experience runners to attempt their course. Then, there's the whole mob situation. This race will be my largest yet, by far. The mission is amazing. The organizers are giving medals to both the 5k finishers and the 13.1 finishers. As one who has struggled to believe in myself for pretty much my entire life, this is inspirational. The community support on the Madison MRTT/SRTT Facebook group has been phenomenal. AND I get to run with, or near, a friend of a friend who is coming up from Florida. While my running buddy who ran my first 5k with me is home in TN, one of her full marathon buddies is coming to WI and decided to do this race. Yay! Plus, another friend and her sister are walking the 5k.
Did you read that? WALKING. Because this race is awesome. The women behind it recognize that some people are not runners. It doesn't mean they don't value fitness, they do. But it recognizes our unique goals and abilities and rewards ALL of us!
I have two more short runs left before my big day... tonight and Saturday morning. I'm seriously so nervous I break into tears of anticipation. Just little ones. Because this race is larger than I'm used to, my hatred of large crowds is also trying to pique. I'm hydrating like crazy, and therefor peeing like crazy.
My family is planning to come, too, and I cannot wait to hug them, or collapse on them, as I cross that finish line.
I haven't blogged about my journey as diligently as I had hoped to. Not here, anyway. Not that anyone's reading. This is sort of my symbolic blog; I can't shut it down, but it's definitely not a huge priority right now. So, if you drop in and read, welcome! (Thanks, too!)
Anyway, 2 weeks ago I completed my first 11 mile run/walk EVER. It was rather surreal. Our family was on vacation at a beach, FAR from our home in Wisconsin. I have a confession: I really don't care for running on the beach. My feet prefer pavement to sand or gravel. BUT I love the ocean and was not about to NOT run on the beach at all. So, I did my warm up miles and then switched to the trails on the island. Not having a training buddy has weakened my resolve in some ways. Back home in Tennessee, before the move, my partner and I trained at 3:1 run:walk ratios. Usually. That was flexible. I've really struggled to work back up to that here, and have been aiming for 2:1 ratios. My goal is to finish, period. Preferrably on two feet and not on a stretcher. If I finish in 3 hours I;ll be thrilled. I'll probably be ok if I finish in 3.5 hours. Or even 4. Really, just to finish will be awesome. 3 years ago, I did not anticipate running more than a 10k. Or run/walking. Even 2 years ago, I was not ready to try. And last year, well, moving 600 miles across the country consumed my life. At this time last year, we were getting our house on the market, doing things we should have done 3 years earlier for ourselves instead of waiting to do them for other people to like the house better. Que sera, sera. It sold, praise the Lord.
I digress.
I KNEW I needed to do my long run, but I felt guilty for leaving the kids with the family and taking the time to do it. Around mile 5, I had passed that awkward first 3 miles and was actually having fun. (Does that happen to anyone else, I wonder?) I texted the fam and let them know I Was going for 10. For some reason, the idea of running 10 miles out by my house in the country was more intimidating to me than running 10 miles on a trail on an island that I;d never visited before. The difference: trails. No jumping off the road or wondering if some idiot would lose control while driving down the hill along the state highway that is part of my route. Normally I go into town for my long runs, that's how much the country-road experience unsettles me.
So I ran. I saw an alligator on the bank across the pond from a trail. There were other runners and bikers, and it was early enough that the Southern heat wasn't too stifling. I enjoyed the scenery, and relished the experience of having actual paths designated for recreation for the entire route. I would love to say I pondered deep things, but I really just enjoyed the solitude and the breeze in the salty air, along with the scenery. I especially enjoyed the shady portions.
When I got to my last stretch, I saw my sister-in-law coming down the trail. She does her own fitness thing and has been a huge encourager in my journey also. She turned around and finished my last 2 miles with me. At some point I had decided that instead of repeating my 10 mile distance, I would push on toward 11. It's a good thing I don't run the whole thing. Anyway, she joined me and it turned out that ending the workout on the beach was just over the 11 mile marker. PR on vacation! Yes!
(I'm the one wearing glasses.)
So there we were, and our family was there to witness my success. :)
I would love to say I went on to train perfectly these last 2 weeks. I'd be lying. I've done the best I can, and I'm pretty confident that I will be walking a bunch. BUT I am also confident that after finishing 11 miles once, 13 will be achievable. And I'm also really, really, really excited about the race I've chosen:
HerMadison Half Marathon
I don't know my way around the city, but I love what I have seen of it. Madison has a unique vibe to it.
I've looked at other half-marathons in the past and they were NOT beginner friendly. In fact, they looked snobbishly intimidating, as though they only wanted experience runners to attempt their course. Then, there's the whole mob situation. This race will be my largest yet, by far. The mission is amazing. The organizers are giving medals to both the 5k finishers and the 13.1 finishers. As one who has struggled to believe in myself for pretty much my entire life, this is inspirational. The community support on the Madison MRTT/SRTT Facebook group has been phenomenal. AND I get to run with, or near, a friend of a friend who is coming up from Florida. While my running buddy who ran my first 5k with me is home in TN, one of her full marathon buddies is coming to WI and decided to do this race. Yay! Plus, another friend and her sister are walking the 5k.
Did you read that? WALKING. Because this race is awesome. The women behind it recognize that some people are not runners. It doesn't mean they don't value fitness, they do. But it recognizes our unique goals and abilities and rewards ALL of us!
I have two more short runs left before my big day... tonight and Saturday morning. I'm seriously so nervous I break into tears of anticipation. Just little ones. Because this race is larger than I'm used to, my hatred of large crowds is also trying to pique. I'm hydrating like crazy, and therefor peeing like crazy.
My family is planning to come, too, and I cannot wait to hug them, or collapse on them, as I cross that finish line.
Tuesday, May 24, 2016
Tilling
For years, I've dabbled in gardening. I enjoyed my flower beds at my old houses, and even grew flowers on the balcony of our apartment.
Our new house has 3 acres. Some of it is level. So in spite of the fact that there are at least 6 rabbits living in our yard and deer in the vicinity, just for starters.... I am attempting my first large vegetable garden. It's about 25x30 feet. My little 4x4 and 4x2 square foot beds at my old house were fun, but this is a new territory for me. OH, I remember picking tomatoes, crimes, or green beans off the plants in my parents' garden and snacking. But in all honesty, my little square foot plots yielded a few tomatoes and peppers, a few herbs, and some leaf lettuce. I even had okra one year. But this...
Our neighbor brought over 5 or 6 scoops of old manure in his tractor over the past 2 months. My husband tilled the first batch for me, and I'm hoping my improved soil will help the rest of my crops.
Milestones...
I'm relieved to check in and document that as of Sunday, I set a new distance record for myself. 9 miles. I'm also oh so thankful that instead of being upset, hurt, or angry that my last post included a bit of venting and some indirect criticism, after reading it, my husband gave me a huge hug and said he was sorry I felt neglected, and he would help make sure I can train.
The race is just over a month away. Whaaaat?
Stepping up the distance is really hard. I miss the security of having a running partner on my long runs. Now that I'm in the country, I feel somewhat isolated and prefer driving into town to run where there are more people around. Paranoid, perhaps. I love aspects of running on country roads. The tranquillity, the scenery, the lack of traffic whizzing past. On the other hand , the isolation of running alone can be a bit daunting.
That being said, I'm pretty excited that I'm almost 3/4 of the way to my target distance. I struggle with setting goals and following through, so this is huge.
The race is just over a month away. Whaaaat?
Stepping up the distance is really hard. I miss the security of having a running partner on my long runs. Now that I'm in the country, I feel somewhat isolated and prefer driving into town to run where there are more people around. Paranoid, perhaps. I love aspects of running on country roads. The tranquillity, the scenery, the lack of traffic whizzing past. On the other hand , the isolation of running alone can be a bit daunting.
That being said, I'm pretty excited that I'm almost 3/4 of the way to my target distance. I struggle with setting goals and following through, so this is huge.
Friday, April 08, 2016
New Year, New Goal
Operation 13.1 Before 40
There are days more frequently than I'd like to admit that I'm tired of being a stay at home Mom. It breaks my heart to type that even more than it would break my kids' hearts to read it if they ever would. The degree I worked hard to earn so many years ago seems worthless, and the mundane duties are overwhelming and often thankless. My motivation has waned, and the thought of seeking inspiration from Mom blogs or books makes me want to puke. Unfortunately, at this point I don't know what I would pursue if I did have the opportunity to find a career for myself outside the home. I've spent years cheering on my husband, trying to encourage him, and supporting his goals and dreams, while neglecting my own and having what attempts I've made to do something good for my own well being be pretty much ignored.
I love my family deeply and am very thankful for them, but my identity somehow got buried in the piles of laundry, puke on the bedding, and 5 moves chasing the ever elusive perfect job for the main provider in 16 years. I know that we are where we're supposed to be, and this move has been better than expected, but it doesn't mean it hasn't been hard on us.
This year, I am taking a step to change that. Last year's futile attempt was therapy... clearly that didn't work because I'm back where I started before we sunk hundreds of dollars into that. In fact, the only thing that has consistently helped me feel better about myself and refocus has been my running. So, this year, I'm going to tackle my biggest running related goal yet and hope that in the process, I find myself again. Because quite frankly, I don't like who I am right now. I don't remember who my husband fell in love with so many years ago, but it certainly wasn't the person I am now.
There, I said it. If you know me and are reading this in real life, you can pray however you see fit. It is what it is, I don't expect you to understand. And you certainly can't fix it.
As I mentioned in my previous post/virtual journal entry, running has become a kind of therapy. It has helped me set goals, dream beyond my expectations, and push myself farther than I knew I could go. I have found unexpected friends who have encouraged me when I have felt like quitting, but learned that ultimately, the distance I cover is my own choice. My own calling. In this past year of instability and transition, I ran when I could, which wasn't much.... less than 250 miles But every mile counted. Every mile kept me from giving up.
I know I sound like a sulking teenager, but believe it or not, this year is a milestone birthday. And since I can't decide on a career that utilizes my abilities, and I'm pretty much failing miserably at the homemaking gig and need a distraction, and I just need something for myself (as selfish as that sounds and feels when I feel like I do nothing else right, anyway), I have set a goal.
This year, I'm going to finish a half marathon, hopefully injury free. I may journal my training progress on here occasionally... so that some day, I can look back and see how far I've come... literally and figuratively. Training takes discipline.
That's one of my biggest weaknesses. Oh, I was an education major, I know all about the concepts of goal setting, breaking things down into manageable steps, etc.
I fail at the execution. I'm more like an absent minded philosophy or literature professor who enjoys discussing concepts and ideas.
This won't be easy.
There was a day when I said running a mile was harder than a natural childbirth. Praise the Lord, that day has passed. The farthest I have ever run is 9 miles, and that was a year and a half ago with my faithful running companion who pushed me to challenge myself.
I haven't run more than 4 miles in over a year, and by run, I mean run some and walk some. I will always mean that. It counts. I'm not in it for speed, I'm in it for distance.
I will do it whether or not anyone cheers for me along the route or at the finish line.6 races down and not once has my family met me at a finish line. Not a single one. Not even the 10k. Oh, I tried not to let it bother me. We had family in town, it was early, it would be hard to wrangle the kids, etc...
No wonder I feel like what I do doesn't matter. The most my family could do was step outside the front door and wave as I passed by during the race that went through our neighborhood, which was my very first. Well, it would be nice to be supported, but I'm not going to count on it. Period. I know better. Of course, if I do share this, then if they come, I'll probably feel like it is just out of duty. Catch 22.
Everything has a price.
I'm tired of believing I'm not worth it. Of living like I'm not worth having my own goals and dreams, family comes first. Somewhere down deep in my soul I believe that my Creator loves and redeems me, and it's time to show it. At least, I tell people I believe it. To trust that He will help me reach this goal, and in the process work through some of my other baggage and find healing. Some things cost monetary value, other sacrifices are personal or emotional. It's hard to be a light for others when your smothered by darkness.
While I publish this? I don't know yet. It's raw, it's vulnerable, it's honest.
It reflects where I am at this point and some of what has happened. Nothing is exaggerated.
Operation 13.1 before 40 has officially commenced.... I've paid my registration and chosen my training plan. Bring it on. I'm going to prove to myself that I can do it.
There are days more frequently than I'd like to admit that I'm tired of being a stay at home Mom. It breaks my heart to type that even more than it would break my kids' hearts to read it if they ever would. The degree I worked hard to earn so many years ago seems worthless, and the mundane duties are overwhelming and often thankless. My motivation has waned, and the thought of seeking inspiration from Mom blogs or books makes me want to puke. Unfortunately, at this point I don't know what I would pursue if I did have the opportunity to find a career for myself outside the home. I've spent years cheering on my husband, trying to encourage him, and supporting his goals and dreams, while neglecting my own and having what attempts I've made to do something good for my own well being be pretty much ignored.
I love my family deeply and am very thankful for them, but my identity somehow got buried in the piles of laundry, puke on the bedding, and 5 moves chasing the ever elusive perfect job for the main provider in 16 years. I know that we are where we're supposed to be, and this move has been better than expected, but it doesn't mean it hasn't been hard on us.
This year, I am taking a step to change that. Last year's futile attempt was therapy... clearly that didn't work because I'm back where I started before we sunk hundreds of dollars into that. In fact, the only thing that has consistently helped me feel better about myself and refocus has been my running. So, this year, I'm going to tackle my biggest running related goal yet and hope that in the process, I find myself again. Because quite frankly, I don't like who I am right now. I don't remember who my husband fell in love with so many years ago, but it certainly wasn't the person I am now.
There, I said it. If you know me and are reading this in real life, you can pray however you see fit. It is what it is, I don't expect you to understand. And you certainly can't fix it.
As I mentioned in my previous post/virtual journal entry, running has become a kind of therapy. It has helped me set goals, dream beyond my expectations, and push myself farther than I knew I could go. I have found unexpected friends who have encouraged me when I have felt like quitting, but learned that ultimately, the distance I cover is my own choice. My own calling. In this past year of instability and transition, I ran when I could, which wasn't much.... less than 250 miles But every mile counted. Every mile kept me from giving up.
I know I sound like a sulking teenager, but believe it or not, this year is a milestone birthday. And since I can't decide on a career that utilizes my abilities, and I'm pretty much failing miserably at the homemaking gig and need a distraction, and I just need something for myself (as selfish as that sounds and feels when I feel like I do nothing else right, anyway), I have set a goal.
This year, I'm going to finish a half marathon, hopefully injury free. I may journal my training progress on here occasionally... so that some day, I can look back and see how far I've come... literally and figuratively. Training takes discipline.
That's one of my biggest weaknesses. Oh, I was an education major, I know all about the concepts of goal setting, breaking things down into manageable steps, etc.
I fail at the execution. I'm more like an absent minded philosophy or literature professor who enjoys discussing concepts and ideas.
This won't be easy.
There was a day when I said running a mile was harder than a natural childbirth. Praise the Lord, that day has passed. The farthest I have ever run is 9 miles, and that was a year and a half ago with my faithful running companion who pushed me to challenge myself.
I haven't run more than 4 miles in over a year, and by run, I mean run some and walk some. I will always mean that. It counts. I'm not in it for speed, I'm in it for distance.
I will do it whether or not anyone cheers for me along the route or at the finish line.6 races down and not once has my family met me at a finish line. Not a single one. Not even the 10k. Oh, I tried not to let it bother me. We had family in town, it was early, it would be hard to wrangle the kids, etc...
No wonder I feel like what I do doesn't matter. The most my family could do was step outside the front door and wave as I passed by during the race that went through our neighborhood, which was my very first. Well, it would be nice to be supported, but I'm not going to count on it. Period. I know better. Of course, if I do share this, then if they come, I'll probably feel like it is just out of duty. Catch 22.
Everything has a price.
I'm tired of believing I'm not worth it. Of living like I'm not worth having my own goals and dreams, family comes first. Somewhere down deep in my soul I believe that my Creator loves and redeems me, and it's time to show it. At least, I tell people I believe it. To trust that He will help me reach this goal, and in the process work through some of my other baggage and find healing. Some things cost monetary value, other sacrifices are personal or emotional. It's hard to be a light for others when your smothered by darkness.
While I publish this? I don't know yet. It's raw, it's vulnerable, it's honest.
It reflects where I am at this point and some of what has happened. Nothing is exaggerated.
Operation 13.1 before 40 has officially commenced.... I've paid my registration and chosen my training plan. Bring it on. I'm going to prove to myself that I can do it.
My daughter and I did one 5k together last fall, which was amazing to do with her. I hope she is able to move past her insecurities better than I have as she matures. I hope, at the very least, she knows that her Mom will always be cheering for her in whatever she does, believing she can do so much more than she realizes.
****
4/8/16
I just realized I never did post this. I originally wrote the above in February. Well... here it is. I am pleased to report that 3 weeks into my training "plan" (I use the term loosely, it's quite modified) my completed distances are right on track for where I should be according to my target distance chart. I'm off to a good start. The family is supposedly planning on meeting me at the finish line, but to be honest, I am not holding my breath on that.
Therapy
Approximately a year ago, I sought professional counseling for my anxiety and depression for the first time. I'd like to see I reached some breakthrough and snapped out of my melancholy. Unfortunately, time and circumstances did not really allow that.
What counseling did was give me a safe place. For each session, I knew I had that time to myself, to say aloud whatever I wanted about how I felt, to cry, to yell, to sit and be listened to uninterrupted. It helped. In the middle of the beginning of yet another transitional stage in my life, it helped.
Counseling was one form of therapy, but I have sought other forms throughout the years. For a time, blogging was one. Then I decided it's not really safe to share my deepest, darkest secrets in the abyss of the internet. Before the internet, I journaled. I have several. When I struggled with post-partum depression, that is what my OB/Gyn recommended alongside medication, when the idea of coordinating counseling stressed me out. Yep, it did.
And then came running. Or walking. Both, really. Intentional setting aside of time for my physical and mental health. In addition to the physical benefits, the time to myself has been priceless. Whether it's been through our neighborhood, on a road, on the elliptical or treadmill at the gym, or my favorite, with my running buddy who met me for our first 5k and just completed her first marathon this Winter (while pregnant with TWINS, she's superwoman)... No matter where I am at, if I want to fit it in, I can.
Here are some reasons I love running:
1) It doesn't require special equipment, other than good shoes. Oh, there are tons of gadgets and apps, but really... you don't even have to have a watch if you don't want one.
2) It comes naturally,. Well that's not quite true. I remember posting to Facebook that running 1/2 mile was harder than delivering a child without an epidural. And in all honesty, I still run intervals. My asthma and my joints require that I take walk breaks, and I prefer not to injure myself. So far, so good. I have two legs, it doesn't require extra special coordination. I don't even have to run in a straight line. I also have fairly long legs, at 5' 7", and my stride is long to begin with, which does help. But the more I train, the more I find that I want to press toward that next goal. Once I hit the 5k mark, I wanted to try a 10k. Now I am aiming for a half marathon. Lord know I never imagined that for myself. I doubt I will want to do a full marathon, but I have learned to never say never.
3) It challenges me. I am not a great goal setter. When I was a teacher, I was more of the creative thinker/absent minded professor. In a world where assessments and deadlines prevail, it's no wonder I did not last very long in that profession. Lesson planning is my weakness. However, with running, if I want to improve, I need a plan. I am a procrastinator, but in order to succeed injury free with more difficult goals, I HAVE to take it step by step.
4) It's given me community. I remember sitting in my Bible study small group hearing friends talk about their training and upcoming races and thinking, "I could never do that." Those friends became cheerleaders. Other friends who run cheer me on, and I cheer them on, as we pursue our individual goals. While my own success or failure does not directly impact others (unless I do a relay), the encouragement we glean from each other is significant. On race day, that smile from a stranger, encouraging word, or even sarcastic joke may be just what I need to keep going or push farther.
Online forums through MRTT (Moms Run This Town) offer encouragement and opportunities to meet for training runs or meet in person at local races. Even though I live an hour from the nearest chapter, that online support has kept me from quitting since my move to a new state.
5) It lowers my blood sugar. It doesn't mean I can eat whatever I want, but it does make me feel less guilty for over-indulging. Sometimes. I don't want to know what my A1C would be without consistent exercise.
6) It offers solitude and reflection. I am not a gym rat. I use the gym because I have to until I get acclimated to the Northern climate, and they have child care so I can run without pushing my 3 year old in his stroller at least a couple of times a week. In all honesty, our local gym is a little awkward for me. I am one of the few patrons under 50 because most women my age work outside the home during the times I go, unlike the suburban South where there were lots of stay at home moms. My favorite runs our outside, on a street or trail, where I can use landmarks to set that next goal and get my vitamin D therapy. When I ran with a buddy, sometimes we talked, which was often therapeutic and I do miss, but when I run alone it's me, my thoughts, the wind, and God. Outdoor running or walking is by far my favorite.
Right now, I would rather carve out time for this kind of therapy than any other. It helps.
What counseling did was give me a safe place. For each session, I knew I had that time to myself, to say aloud whatever I wanted about how I felt, to cry, to yell, to sit and be listened to uninterrupted. It helped. In the middle of the beginning of yet another transitional stage in my life, it helped.
Counseling was one form of therapy, but I have sought other forms throughout the years. For a time, blogging was one. Then I decided it's not really safe to share my deepest, darkest secrets in the abyss of the internet. Before the internet, I journaled. I have several. When I struggled with post-partum depression, that is what my OB/Gyn recommended alongside medication, when the idea of coordinating counseling stressed me out. Yep, it did.
And then came running. Or walking. Both, really. Intentional setting aside of time for my physical and mental health. In addition to the physical benefits, the time to myself has been priceless. Whether it's been through our neighborhood, on a road, on the elliptical or treadmill at the gym, or my favorite, with my running buddy who met me for our first 5k and just completed her first marathon this Winter (while pregnant with TWINS, she's superwoman)... No matter where I am at, if I want to fit it in, I can.
Here are some reasons I love running:
1) It doesn't require special equipment, other than good shoes. Oh, there are tons of gadgets and apps, but really... you don't even have to have a watch if you don't want one.
2) It comes naturally,. Well that's not quite true. I remember posting to Facebook that running 1/2 mile was harder than delivering a child without an epidural. And in all honesty, I still run intervals. My asthma and my joints require that I take walk breaks, and I prefer not to injure myself. So far, so good. I have two legs, it doesn't require extra special coordination. I don't even have to run in a straight line. I also have fairly long legs, at 5' 7", and my stride is long to begin with, which does help. But the more I train, the more I find that I want to press toward that next goal. Once I hit the 5k mark, I wanted to try a 10k. Now I am aiming for a half marathon. Lord know I never imagined that for myself. I doubt I will want to do a full marathon, but I have learned to never say never.
3) It challenges me. I am not a great goal setter. When I was a teacher, I was more of the creative thinker/absent minded professor. In a world where assessments and deadlines prevail, it's no wonder I did not last very long in that profession. Lesson planning is my weakness. However, with running, if I want to improve, I need a plan. I am a procrastinator, but in order to succeed injury free with more difficult goals, I HAVE to take it step by step.
4) It's given me community. I remember sitting in my Bible study small group hearing friends talk about their training and upcoming races and thinking, "I could never do that." Those friends became cheerleaders. Other friends who run cheer me on, and I cheer them on, as we pursue our individual goals. While my own success or failure does not directly impact others (unless I do a relay), the encouragement we glean from each other is significant. On race day, that smile from a stranger, encouraging word, or even sarcastic joke may be just what I need to keep going or push farther.
Online forums through MRTT (Moms Run This Town) offer encouragement and opportunities to meet for training runs or meet in person at local races. Even though I live an hour from the nearest chapter, that online support has kept me from quitting since my move to a new state.
5) It lowers my blood sugar. It doesn't mean I can eat whatever I want, but it does make me feel less guilty for over-indulging. Sometimes. I don't want to know what my A1C would be without consistent exercise.
6) It offers solitude and reflection. I am not a gym rat. I use the gym because I have to until I get acclimated to the Northern climate, and they have child care so I can run without pushing my 3 year old in his stroller at least a couple of times a week. In all honesty, our local gym is a little awkward for me. I am one of the few patrons under 50 because most women my age work outside the home during the times I go, unlike the suburban South where there were lots of stay at home moms. My favorite runs our outside, on a street or trail, where I can use landmarks to set that next goal and get my vitamin D therapy. When I ran with a buddy, sometimes we talked, which was often therapeutic and I do miss, but when I run alone it's me, my thoughts, the wind, and God. Outdoor running or walking is by far my favorite.
Right now, I would rather carve out time for this kind of therapy than any other. It helps.
Friday, October 16, 2015
Different House, Same Problem
Insomnia.
Nearly 3 months ago, we moved 700 miles away from our large, comfortable suburban home on 1/3 acre down South to the medium sized Midwestern farm house with one tiny bathroom on two hundred-ish acres. We live 60 miles from the city, 25 miles or so from the nearest Wal-Mart, and 4 miles from the closest village.
So many aspects of our lives have changed. Some have not.
I smiled as my insomnia led me to pull up my all but abandoned blog at 3 a.m. The last substantial post was nearly 2 years ago. I am so glad I wrote it, as my memory has already faded.
It appears that I had an episode of insomnia the night before my first 5k race, just as I have tonight. I am not planning to race tomorrow. However, I just ran my first 5k in our new state this past weekend.
Yay! In fact, I have run 6 more races since my first, including a 10k last Thanksgiving morning.
Clearly, running has not cured my insomnia. It has, however done so much more.
1) It has given me a personal goal.
What started as "Finish a 5k" because if I delivered an 8 pound 9 ounce baby without an epidural and a 7 pound 7 ouncer with half of one, sure ly 5k is not beyond the realm of possibility" has turned into a personal quest to find health as I approach age 40. My current goal: get that 5k time down to 30 minutes.
2) I have children who look up to me.
My oldest has developed a love for Gymnastics. She's strong, and she is driven. She inspires me to encourage her dreams and find my own. My parents were wonderful, but when U was her age, that was an area that went largely ignored. Sorry Mom and Dad, but it's true. Sure, I can play just about anything in the key of C on the piano and fumble through the hymnal. I often enjoy doing so. But piano lessons were a chore, not a passion of mine. My kids see me struggle, and sometimes that struggle becomes success. Furthermore, it is becoming something we can do together. My girl, who turns 10 in less than 2 weeks, joined me for my race last Saturday. She even asked if we could do another race together. Absolutely, my love. That's a PR moment in itself, one that is better than the elusive pace.
3) Running has become my therapist.
During the process of my husband's job change and this recent move, I saw a therapist to help process everything. It was great to have an objective 3rd party listen. She stressed the importance of self care. Physical and psychological. Running is effective in both of those areas. I feel better when I run consistently. My body is stronger, AND as I read my post from 2 years ago, I realized that my asthma has improved tremendously. I rarely use my inhaler during a 5k run/walk anymore. Out here in the country, I have unlimited roads and natural beauty in which to reflect on life, the Creator, or just taking one more step before my next walking break. It's pretty amazing.
4) I gained a new circle of friends, and one closer friend.
The running community is incredibly welcoming. Online encouragement through advanced runners whom I once thought were crazy, support groups like Moms Run This Town, friendly co-racers, and running buddies.
My cousin in Massachusetts as well as my Uncle's colleague became 2 of my strongest cheerleaders across the miles, and I got to run with my cousin on the Cape Cod Rail Trail during my family's vacation.
Initially, my desperate plea for companionship on my first race was met by one newbie and some friends who encouraged us. That fellow newbie is now, 2 years later, training for her first marathon. We became training buddies and our friendship strengthened as we shared life and she pushed me forward on the trails. She even helped us pack up for our move when I was almost too overwhelmed to do it. Who says running is a solitary sport?
Will this insomniac rambling be a blog revival? Who knows. But if you're still here, I'm still wandering along. If you're not, then I have a public journal of sorts. Good night. Rather, good morning.
Nearly 3 months ago, we moved 700 miles away from our large, comfortable suburban home on 1/3 acre down South to the medium sized Midwestern farm house with one tiny bathroom on two hundred-ish acres. We live 60 miles from the city, 25 miles or so from the nearest Wal-Mart, and 4 miles from the closest village.
So many aspects of our lives have changed. Some have not.
I smiled as my insomnia led me to pull up my all but abandoned blog at 3 a.m. The last substantial post was nearly 2 years ago. I am so glad I wrote it, as my memory has already faded.
It appears that I had an episode of insomnia the night before my first 5k race, just as I have tonight. I am not planning to race tomorrow. However, I just ran my first 5k in our new state this past weekend.
Yay! In fact, I have run 6 more races since my first, including a 10k last Thanksgiving morning.
Clearly, running has not cured my insomnia. It has, however done so much more.
1) It has given me a personal goal.
What started as "Finish a 5k" because if I delivered an 8 pound 9 ounce baby without an epidural and a 7 pound 7 ouncer with half of one, sure ly 5k is not beyond the realm of possibility" has turned into a personal quest to find health as I approach age 40. My current goal: get that 5k time down to 30 minutes.
2) I have children who look up to me.
My oldest has developed a love for Gymnastics. She's strong, and she is driven. She inspires me to encourage her dreams and find my own. My parents were wonderful, but when U was her age, that was an area that went largely ignored. Sorry Mom and Dad, but it's true. Sure, I can play just about anything in the key of C on the piano and fumble through the hymnal. I often enjoy doing so. But piano lessons were a chore, not a passion of mine. My kids see me struggle, and sometimes that struggle becomes success. Furthermore, it is becoming something we can do together. My girl, who turns 10 in less than 2 weeks, joined me for my race last Saturday. She even asked if we could do another race together. Absolutely, my love. That's a PR moment in itself, one that is better than the elusive pace.
3) Running has become my therapist.
During the process of my husband's job change and this recent move, I saw a therapist to help process everything. It was great to have an objective 3rd party listen. She stressed the importance of self care. Physical and psychological. Running is effective in both of those areas. I feel better when I run consistently. My body is stronger, AND as I read my post from 2 years ago, I realized that my asthma has improved tremendously. I rarely use my inhaler during a 5k run/walk anymore. Out here in the country, I have unlimited roads and natural beauty in which to reflect on life, the Creator, or just taking one more step before my next walking break. It's pretty amazing.
4) I gained a new circle of friends, and one closer friend.
The running community is incredibly welcoming. Online encouragement through advanced runners whom I once thought were crazy, support groups like Moms Run This Town, friendly co-racers, and running buddies.
My cousin in Massachusetts as well as my Uncle's colleague became 2 of my strongest cheerleaders across the miles, and I got to run with my cousin on the Cape Cod Rail Trail during my family's vacation.
Initially, my desperate plea for companionship on my first race was met by one newbie and some friends who encouraged us. That fellow newbie is now, 2 years later, training for her first marathon. We became training buddies and our friendship strengthened as we shared life and she pushed me forward on the trails. She even helped us pack up for our move when I was almost too overwhelmed to do it. Who says running is a solitary sport?
Will this insomniac rambling be a blog revival? Who knows. But if you're still here, I'm still wandering along. If you're not, then I have a public journal of sorts. Good night. Rather, good morning.
Saturday, November 02, 2013
Trick or Treat- 5k style
I find it funny that my last blog post was shortly after I had officially decided to run a 5k before the end of this year.
I did it. Today.
Did I train consistently? Hardly. I am walking and running proof that something is better than nothing.
Something is ALWAYS better than nothing.
Two nights ago, on Halloween, I laughed as my triathalon running friend and another neighbor discussed our town's upcoming 5k and whether or not they would run it today. One was planning to, with husband and baby in the Bob stroller. Our other friend and I were both on the fence. In fact, I had pretty much decided not to to it by that point. I had slacked on training. Evenings are tough with two kids in school. I have been exercising 1-2 times at week at most for the past 2 months instead of my goal of 3-4.
Something is better than nothing. Trick or treat.
The idea was again implanted in my mind. I remembered setting the goal, telling myself and others that, "If nothing else, there is a 5k that goes through my neighborhood, so I'll run that." It wouldn't stop haunting me. That "what's your excuse?" ghost from past goals and present failures that holds me back far too often. I tried to make the excuses. Then I decided to do it. But I needed accountability. After all, that same 5k has passed my mailbox for 2 years. I have thought, "That's SO great for them. I could never do that." Last year, it was more like, "I just need sleep." This week, my objections were, "I have not trained consistently. I can't find my running belt and I need it to hold my inhaler. I don't know if I can do it. I have not run a full mile yet." (I found it yesterday, and then they gave us another today.)
"I'll just go to Memphis and do the Grizzly House in December." That's the same weekend as my niece's birthday party, not in Memphis. This was my last chance.
Impulsiveness needs confirmation. All my running friends had said find a race, commit. I had held this race in the back pocket of my mind for months, I had no excuse. But I know myself. I am not a morning person, especially on a weekend. I'd rather be sleeping. So what do all passive aggressive procrastinaholics who finally make a decision do? I don't know, but this one jumps on Facebook and enlists other friends. And calls the neighbor who was on the fence alongside me on Halloween night. Trick or Treat. I even set out to do a slow stroll with my 15 month old and did that... 3.3 miles in 58 minutes. (I said I was slow.)
My friends affirmed my decision. Soon, there were 4 of us. I called the event organizers, who said we could have a team rate if there were 4 of us, as mentioned on the website. And I think I dropped the ball and we could have had 5 team members, but I got the #4 stuck in my head and unintentionally blew her off. OR maybe I was intimidated because she is a REAL runner in my mind. (Sorry, other friends, I'm psychoanalyzing here, don't take it personally.) Sigh. Kicking myself because she has been a huge encouragement at various stages of my running journey this past year. Maybe next time.
Anyhow, I am thankful for my support group. I drank water and peed all day yesterday. I went to bed by 10:30 last night. I set my alrarm for 6 and 6:30 am.
I woke up at 4:30, and fell back asleep. I woke up again at 6:50. 10 minutes before registration time. It takes me 10-15 minutes to walk to the park from my house. I had made it clear to my team that I planned to be there to register at 7 because I wanted the T-shirt. My neighbor called as I was getting dressed. She was at our kids' bus stop. My wonderful husband had just made me two eggs really fast, I scarfed them down with some lemonade and a banana, and off I went in the dark. My neighbor met me and we walked the half mile or so to the park together. Our teammates were there, and we registered. I got my number. 3072. My contact lens was inside out. I fixed that, fortunately our park service keeps the bathroom at the park clean enough to not gross me out.
The sun came up while we chatted and waited, and headed down to the starting line. It was a small, friendly town-sponsored race, proceeds going to an educational grant fund and a service dogs' charity. I don't know how many, but my guess is less than 100 runners. We ranged from ages 2 (our neighbors' daughter in her stroller) to 82... ok, maybe not. Probably 72. Young looking 72.
Did I mention that it was a good 1/4 mile walk to the starting line from registration? I had already walked from my house, so what did it matter?
The initial stretch up to my neighborhood entrance is all uphill. My first goal of the race was to actually jog it.
I did. I thought I was going to die at the top, but I did it. My other goals were to run in front of my kids as I passed my house, and finish in under 36 minutes. After taking a walking interval, I ran the 4 houses to them and around the cul-de-sac, then opened my arms and gave them big hugs while my husband took pictures. From our front yard. We had agreed that they would stay home, and as it turned out, baby boy was still asleep. I had not actually RUN 5k since June. I should say I had not actually walked and run 5k. It was barely under 36, and lately my average pace has been between 12-13 min/mile. I walked over that distance in 58 minutes yesterday, albeit a slightly different route. Around 1/3 of the way in, I needed my inhaler desperately. It helped tremendously. I think the cooler air helped, too.
My other first time 5k runner friend and I kept together the first half or so. It was surreal to run my normal route with so many other people. And have people in fuzzy footed smiley face pj's cheering me on. And it was very surreal to hear that my first mile was under 12 minutes... 11 something. By my 2nd mile, I had been running 22 something. That meant my pace was better than I'd expected. I kind of like not having all the techy gear yet, or a smart phone. All I could do was do my best and not worry about it, no clock watching, no guilt tripping, just do it.
The 2nd big hill came just after the halfway point. I tried to run that one, but walked it, as I normally would. I waved at neighbors I did not know and friends I did know as I passed their houses and their kids peered out through their storm doors.
The 2nd half was mostly downhill. A few small slopes, but thankfully no more big extended inclines.
I approached the park, decided to walk.... instead of crawling over the finish line, I wanted to run. So I regained some strength, sipped some water, enjoyed the changing color of the leaves, and smiled as a runner I had been running near passed me and said, "We're almost there... we can do this!"
She passed me, and stayed ahead, but we did it. I pushed harder and faster and experienced that runner's high as I saw my friend's husband waiting with their daughters and he asked where she was. "Not too far back." I kept going. I loved the orange and white balloons over the sidewalk and the HUGE numbers on the time clock as I approached. 34:28 For the first time ever, I experienced that runner's high that everyone talks about.
Trick or Treat?
I'd have to say it was a treat. A big treat. To set aside what so easily entangles and keeps me from pursing goals. To have friends impulsively jump along side and agree to do something less than 2 days in advance. To ignore the excuses that perpetually haunt my mind. To not just meet, but surpass a goal. To give and get hugs at the finish line, and cheer in those who finished behind me.
Yes, my first 5k was definitely a treat. The Krispy Kremes and turkey sandwich and free massage from a chiropractor at the end were not so bad, either.
I did it. Today.
Did I train consistently? Hardly. I am walking and running proof that something is better than nothing.
Something is ALWAYS better than nothing.
Two nights ago, on Halloween, I laughed as my triathalon running friend and another neighbor discussed our town's upcoming 5k and whether or not they would run it today. One was planning to, with husband and baby in the Bob stroller. Our other friend and I were both on the fence. In fact, I had pretty much decided not to to it by that point. I had slacked on training. Evenings are tough with two kids in school. I have been exercising 1-2 times at week at most for the past 2 months instead of my goal of 3-4.
Something is better than nothing. Trick or treat.
The idea was again implanted in my mind. I remembered setting the goal, telling myself and others that, "If nothing else, there is a 5k that goes through my neighborhood, so I'll run that." It wouldn't stop haunting me. That "what's your excuse?" ghost from past goals and present failures that holds me back far too often. I tried to make the excuses. Then I decided to do it. But I needed accountability. After all, that same 5k has passed my mailbox for 2 years. I have thought, "That's SO great for them. I could never do that." Last year, it was more like, "I just need sleep." This week, my objections were, "I have not trained consistently. I can't find my running belt and I need it to hold my inhaler. I don't know if I can do it. I have not run a full mile yet." (I found it yesterday, and then they gave us another today.)
"I'll just go to Memphis and do the Grizzly House in December." That's the same weekend as my niece's birthday party, not in Memphis. This was my last chance.
Impulsiveness needs confirmation. All my running friends had said find a race, commit. I had held this race in the back pocket of my mind for months, I had no excuse. But I know myself. I am not a morning person, especially on a weekend. I'd rather be sleeping. So what do all passive aggressive procrastinaholics who finally make a decision do? I don't know, but this one jumps on Facebook and enlists other friends. And calls the neighbor who was on the fence alongside me on Halloween night. Trick or Treat. I even set out to do a slow stroll with my 15 month old and did that... 3.3 miles in 58 minutes. (I said I was slow.)
My friends affirmed my decision. Soon, there were 4 of us. I called the event organizers, who said we could have a team rate if there were 4 of us, as mentioned on the website. And I think I dropped the ball and we could have had 5 team members, but I got the #4 stuck in my head and unintentionally blew her off. OR maybe I was intimidated because she is a REAL runner in my mind. (Sorry, other friends, I'm psychoanalyzing here, don't take it personally.) Sigh. Kicking myself because she has been a huge encouragement at various stages of my running journey this past year. Maybe next time.
Anyhow, I am thankful for my support group. I drank water and peed all day yesterday. I went to bed by 10:30 last night. I set my alrarm for 6 and 6:30 am.
I woke up at 4:30, and fell back asleep. I woke up again at 6:50. 10 minutes before registration time. It takes me 10-15 minutes to walk to the park from my house. I had made it clear to my team that I planned to be there to register at 7 because I wanted the T-shirt. My neighbor called as I was getting dressed. She was at our kids' bus stop. My wonderful husband had just made me two eggs really fast, I scarfed them down with some lemonade and a banana, and off I went in the dark. My neighbor met me and we walked the half mile or so to the park together. Our teammates were there, and we registered. I got my number. 3072. My contact lens was inside out. I fixed that, fortunately our park service keeps the bathroom at the park clean enough to not gross me out.
The sun came up while we chatted and waited, and headed down to the starting line. It was a small, friendly town-sponsored race, proceeds going to an educational grant fund and a service dogs' charity. I don't know how many, but my guess is less than 100 runners. We ranged from ages 2 (our neighbors' daughter in her stroller) to 82... ok, maybe not. Probably 72. Young looking 72.
Did I mention that it was a good 1/4 mile walk to the starting line from registration? I had already walked from my house, so what did it matter?
The initial stretch up to my neighborhood entrance is all uphill. My first goal of the race was to actually jog it.
I did. I thought I was going to die at the top, but I did it. My other goals were to run in front of my kids as I passed my house, and finish in under 36 minutes. After taking a walking interval, I ran the 4 houses to them and around the cul-de-sac, then opened my arms and gave them big hugs while my husband took pictures. From our front yard. We had agreed that they would stay home, and as it turned out, baby boy was still asleep. I had not actually RUN 5k since June. I should say I had not actually walked and run 5k. It was barely under 36, and lately my average pace has been between 12-13 min/mile. I walked over that distance in 58 minutes yesterday, albeit a slightly different route. Around 1/3 of the way in, I needed my inhaler desperately. It helped tremendously. I think the cooler air helped, too.
My other first time 5k runner friend and I kept together the first half or so. It was surreal to run my normal route with so many other people. And have people in fuzzy footed smiley face pj's cheering me on. And it was very surreal to hear that my first mile was under 12 minutes... 11 something. By my 2nd mile, I had been running 22 something. That meant my pace was better than I'd expected. I kind of like not having all the techy gear yet, or a smart phone. All I could do was do my best and not worry about it, no clock watching, no guilt tripping, just do it.
The 2nd big hill came just after the halfway point. I tried to run that one, but walked it, as I normally would. I waved at neighbors I did not know and friends I did know as I passed their houses and their kids peered out through their storm doors.
The 2nd half was mostly downhill. A few small slopes, but thankfully no more big extended inclines.
I approached the park, decided to walk.... instead of crawling over the finish line, I wanted to run. So I regained some strength, sipped some water, enjoyed the changing color of the leaves, and smiled as a runner I had been running near passed me and said, "We're almost there... we can do this!"
She passed me, and stayed ahead, but we did it. I pushed harder and faster and experienced that runner's high as I saw my friend's husband waiting with their daughters and he asked where she was. "Not too far back." I kept going. I loved the orange and white balloons over the sidewalk and the HUGE numbers on the time clock as I approached. 34:28 For the first time ever, I experienced that runner's high that everyone talks about.
Trick or Treat?
I'd have to say it was a treat. A big treat. To set aside what so easily entangles and keeps me from pursing goals. To have friends impulsively jump along side and agree to do something less than 2 days in advance. To ignore the excuses that perpetually haunt my mind. To not just meet, but surpass a goal. To give and get hugs at the finish line, and cheer in those who finished behind me.
Yes, my first 5k was definitely a treat. The Krispy Kremes and turkey sandwich and free massage from a chiropractor at the end were not so bad, either.
Friday, June 14, 2013
step by step
In spite of my addiction to social media, I am fairly technologically challenged. I can get around your basic word processing program or spreadsheet (maybe), but my cell phone is not what's considered "smart" these days and I don't own an iPod, iPad or anything "i" for that matter. I also don't own a stopwatch, or a digital watch of any type. So my "training" to run a 5k has been somewhat haphazard to this point. I am utilizing a website that maps my distances for me and tracks my pace. After I do my walk/run/walk/jog/walk combo of the evening or elliptical workout, map the route, and it does the math for me. I love it. I had been using another site to track my nutrition, but I have slacked off on that. (I just ate a whole mug of chocolate cookie dough ice cream to reward myself for this evening's workout.)
Anyway, mid-week I decided my goal for the week would be to log 6 miles. I surpassed my goal tonight, logging about 2.25 miles with a pace of 13:17/mile. My total for the week is 7.89 miles in 5 workout sessions.
I compare myself to others and am prone to being a "defeated perfectionist." Someone who, instead of relying on the strength of the Holy Spirit to do things, dwells on what they want to do but is afraid they can't do it perfectly so they stagnate.
I am working toward my goal of being able to run a 5k step by step. I haven't chosen an event yet, but my goal of averaging 3-4 workouts per week is becoming a reality. I alternate between focusing on running one longer stretch and increasing my overall distance but doing more intervals of running and jogging.
Step by step.
I have a mental list of areas that I need to improve in my role as a Mom, Wife, and Homemaker. This goal of running a 5k is one that I am tackling with more consistency, partly due to the whole gestational diabetes/prediabetes scare.
Whether it's the running (or wannabe running, in my case), the housekeeping and organization (or embarrassing lack thereof), the intentional parenting and training of my blessings (which I'm also slowly tackling, step by step, although some days it seems like they are teaching me,) or the balancing of all of the above and partnering with my husband as we cultivate our relationship and seek God's will in various aspects of our life together.... it's going to happen step by step.
Anyway, mid-week I decided my goal for the week would be to log 6 miles. I surpassed my goal tonight, logging about 2.25 miles with a pace of 13:17/mile. My total for the week is 7.89 miles in 5 workout sessions.
I compare myself to others and am prone to being a "defeated perfectionist." Someone who, instead of relying on the strength of the Holy Spirit to do things, dwells on what they want to do but is afraid they can't do it perfectly so they stagnate.
I am working toward my goal of being able to run a 5k step by step. I haven't chosen an event yet, but my goal of averaging 3-4 workouts per week is becoming a reality. I alternate between focusing on running one longer stretch and increasing my overall distance but doing more intervals of running and jogging.
Step by step.
I have a mental list of areas that I need to improve in my role as a Mom, Wife, and Homemaker. This goal of running a 5k is one that I am tackling with more consistency, partly due to the whole gestational diabetes/prediabetes scare.
Whether it's the running (or wannabe running, in my case), the housekeeping and organization (or embarrassing lack thereof), the intentional parenting and training of my blessings (which I'm also slowly tackling, step by step, although some days it seems like they are teaching me,) or the balancing of all of the above and partnering with my husband as we cultivate our relationship and seek God's will in various aspects of our life together.... it's going to happen step by step.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
be specific
Our pastor's sermon last Sunday was about Hannah, the mother of Samuel. One thing that struck out at me was that she prayed specifically. The odds were against her, her rival taunted her, yet she prayed from the depths of her soul and dedicated the result of that prayer to the Lord, Jehovah Jireh. After Samuel was born, she literally gave him back to the Lord's service at an age when most of us are just starting to get a glimpse of our little ones' personalities
There are so many applications, the most obvious being waiting for the gift of a child (or another.) I have so many friends who have struggled with infertility or pregnancy loss and perhaps that story will provide some encouragement.
For me at this point in time, the reminder is much more general. Be specific. Pray specifically. Philippians reminds me, "6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Hannah was anxious, but after she gave that anxiety to the Lord (Eli thought she was drunk when she was praying at the temple,) her answer eventually came. How often have I been drunk with uncontrolled anxiety or fear? Sometimes that seems to be my dwelling place far more than life in the Spirit.
There are so many applications, the most obvious being waiting for the gift of a child (or another.) I have so many friends who have struggled with infertility or pregnancy loss and perhaps that story will provide some encouragement.
For me at this point in time, the reminder is much more general. Be specific. Pray specifically. Philippians reminds me, "6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Hannah was anxious, but after she gave that anxiety to the Lord (Eli thought she was drunk when she was praying at the temple,) her answer eventually came. How often have I been drunk with uncontrolled anxiety or fear? Sometimes that seems to be my dwelling place far more than life in the Spirit.
Friday, April 26, 2013
When Status Quo Isn't Good Enough
Anyone who knows me, knows that my battle with allergies and upper respiratory crud are my arch-nemesis. Allergies kick in, asthma kicks in, upper respiratory crud kicks in. Well, in the past 2 years, my older two have been to the doctor for upper respiratory crud 3 times each. They take zyrtec, sometimes it seems to help, sometimes it doesn't. At our list visit, the pediatrician said that studies show that honey is more effective for coughs than a lot of pharmaceutical cough syrups. So guess what we are using for cough syrup? Honey, sometimes with lemon.
About a month ago, my sister in law introduced me to Essential Oils by doTerra. My sister apparently was also introduced to them and has seen her friends' daughter's health improve drastically. Sis calls them hippie oils. And honestly, my first thought of them when I heard about them was the memory of patchouli wafting down the hall from certain students' rooms in the college dorm 17 years ago. I couple of months ago, a friend that I met online also posted a picture of her stash of oils that she was packing in fer toiletry bag for her family's vacation to Disney World. Come to find out they have not been on antibiotics in 18 months. She has been using them for 2 years.
Anyway, my point is that modern medicine is not working for my family. My kids don't even get fevers often, they just get this really bad crud that takes 2 weeks to shake. Like their mama. Antibiotics kill good and bad bacteria. And sometimes it takes 2 rounds for us to knock out the nasty cough.
There has got to be a better way. Will essential oils be part of that better way?
When my introductory kit of lavender, peppermint, and lemon oils arrived, I decided to try the lemon in my water and the lavender on my daughter at bedtime. Honestly, that first night I did not notice a difference. She doesn't fall asleep easily, and that night was no different. A couple of days later, she requested that I massage her feet with those oils again. And again the next night. Both of those nights, she did settle and stay asleep better.
My personal usage... well, I have simultaneously begun drinking more water and using coconut oil in my coffee, so who knows. But the past 2 days, my mid-afternoon pick me up of lemon water and peppermint oil inhalation have certainly not hurt. I didn't even feel like I needed a nap yesterday. Coincidence? I don't know.
But status quo is not good enough, so in conjunction with trying to eat right and exercise, it's worth a shot.
About a month ago, my sister in law introduced me to Essential Oils by doTerra. My sister apparently was also introduced to them and has seen her friends' daughter's health improve drastically. Sis calls them hippie oils. And honestly, my first thought of them when I heard about them was the memory of patchouli wafting down the hall from certain students' rooms in the college dorm 17 years ago. I couple of months ago, a friend that I met online also posted a picture of her stash of oils that she was packing in fer toiletry bag for her family's vacation to Disney World. Come to find out they have not been on antibiotics in 18 months. She has been using them for 2 years.
Anyway, my point is that modern medicine is not working for my family. My kids don't even get fevers often, they just get this really bad crud that takes 2 weeks to shake. Like their mama. Antibiotics kill good and bad bacteria. And sometimes it takes 2 rounds for us to knock out the nasty cough.
There has got to be a better way. Will essential oils be part of that better way?
When my introductory kit of lavender, peppermint, and lemon oils arrived, I decided to try the lemon in my water and the lavender on my daughter at bedtime. Honestly, that first night I did not notice a difference. She doesn't fall asleep easily, and that night was no different. A couple of days later, she requested that I massage her feet with those oils again. And again the next night. Both of those nights, she did settle and stay asleep better.
My personal usage... well, I have simultaneously begun drinking more water and using coconut oil in my coffee, so who knows. But the past 2 days, my mid-afternoon pick me up of lemon water and peppermint oil inhalation have certainly not hurt. I didn't even feel like I needed a nap yesterday. Coincidence? I don't know.
But status quo is not good enough, so in conjunction with trying to eat right and exercise, it's worth a shot.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Flashback
http://awanderingheart.blogspot.com/2009/03/training-has-begun-ive-been-doing-my.html
The last time I said I wanted to do a 5k... in 2009.
The last time I said I wanted to do a 5k... in 2009.
perhaps it's time to revive an old dream, instead
In 2009, I decided I wanted to try to run a 5k. I don't know what happened, or how that dream fizzled, or when I stopped believing it was worth the effort involved. But I did. Or maybe, I just didn't think I COULD do it, so why bother?
Fast forward... my cousin, who I mentioned yesterday... caught the dream. With an awesome, trusted friend mentoring her, she trained relentlessly. Then injury delayed her dream of running the Boston Marathon just 1 year after finishing the BAA 5k. (Read her guest post over at Middle Places... it is awesome.)
I ran tonight. Not just on the elliptical in the basement. After dinner, I left the kids with Daddy and ran out my front door. I didn't stop for almost 1/2 mile. And then I walked briskly home. I haven't run a mile since PE in high school. I probably have not run 1/2 mile since then, either.
Freshman year... 1991... that was a long time ago. A couple of years before that, I had wanted to try to run middle school track. Alas, some grades dropped from A's to B's, my asthma and allergies kicked in, and instead of figuring out how to manage them, I quit before the first meet. (What ever happened to "I don't expect perfection, I appreciate the effort," the mantra that I heard growing up? I guess it did not really apply to athletics in our house.)
Anyway... the run felt good. My goal is to run farther every time I get out there (3 times a week to start?) and not worry about speed. Even if it's just 10 yards farther. I have an inhaler and I am not afraid to use it.
I bet I could search back in my blog and find posts from 2009 describing my idea of trying to run a 5K.
I do have another motivation in this. Blood sugar. I am prediabetic and do not want to get type 2 diabetes. Nor do I want to HAVE to track every single morsel that enters my body. I love food. I have been blessed with a high metabolism in addition to a long torso for some reason, so during all 3 pregnancies I got funny looks when I told them how far along I was. The 3rd pregnancy, people didn't seem to believe that I could have gestational diabetes, but I did.
A friend told me to choose an event and make that my goal, otherwise I won't actually get around to doing it. So I guess that's the next step.
Fast forward... my cousin, who I mentioned yesterday... caught the dream. With an awesome, trusted friend mentoring her, she trained relentlessly. Then injury delayed her dream of running the Boston Marathon just 1 year after finishing the BAA 5k. (Read her guest post over at Middle Places... it is awesome.)
I ran tonight. Not just on the elliptical in the basement. After dinner, I left the kids with Daddy and ran out my front door. I didn't stop for almost 1/2 mile. And then I walked briskly home. I haven't run a mile since PE in high school. I probably have not run 1/2 mile since then, either.
Freshman year... 1991... that was a long time ago. A couple of years before that, I had wanted to try to run middle school track. Alas, some grades dropped from A's to B's, my asthma and allergies kicked in, and instead of figuring out how to manage them, I quit before the first meet. (What ever happened to "I don't expect perfection, I appreciate the effort," the mantra that I heard growing up? I guess it did not really apply to athletics in our house.)
Anyway... the run felt good. My goal is to run farther every time I get out there (3 times a week to start?) and not worry about speed. Even if it's just 10 yards farther. I have an inhaler and I am not afraid to use it.
I bet I could search back in my blog and find posts from 2009 describing my idea of trying to run a 5K.
I do have another motivation in this. Blood sugar. I am prediabetic and do not want to get type 2 diabetes. Nor do I want to HAVE to track every single morsel that enters my body. I love food. I have been blessed with a high metabolism in addition to a long torso for some reason, so during all 3 pregnancies I got funny looks when I told them how far along I was. The 3rd pregnancy, people didn't seem to believe that I could have gestational diabetes, but I did.
A friend told me to choose an event and make that my goal, otherwise I won't actually get around to doing it. So I guess that's the next step.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
it's time for a new goal
I write this at risk of being a little too transparent, but I'm going to do it anyway.
My cousin Marissa was supposed to run the Boston Marathon this week. Alas, she had an injury that kept her from running, so she, her husband, and my Uncle went to the route to support our friend Lisa, Lisa's husband, and Lisa's Dad. Thank the Lord, they are all okay. Lisa's husband and Dad were within feet of the explosions, they are fine. If Marissa had been running, my Uncle, Aunt and Marissa's sweet babies might have been in the area that was blown to shreds, and her finish time would have been around the time of the blasts. Talk about bittersweet divine intervention... who knew a fractured pelvis would turn out to be a blessing in disguise?
Anyway, Marissa and I have become good friends through the years, and part of our journey is that we set a similar goal for ourselves in labor and childbirth. Even though the details were different, having a sounding board in that journey that was not critical and encouraged my choices was huge. A year ago, my cousin ran her first 5K- the Boston 5K before the marathon. She set a new goal and went for it.
Almost 5 years ago, I set a goal to do my best to deliver my son without the epidural. Today I realized that that was the last major goal I've set for myself and followed through on.
That's depressing.
I am the middle sister in my family. Ironically, I have always felt just in the middle... oh, I have done well in some areas. I was raised to do my best, but somehow along the way that translated into just being good enough. Ironic.
So, it's time for a new goal. Or maybe a couple. I am notorious for having ideas (I cannot really call them goals) and not following through. Perhaps it's fallout from that era of legalism in which I felt I could never be good enough so I would settle for what appeared to be my best, I don't know. Perhaps it's from not really having an example of setting goals other than getting the house clean and taking care of the kids. Those are good things, and I am thankful for my Mom, but I wish she had taken time to cultivate personal interests in addition to the home and garden. I think it would have been good for her... the example of having goals set by other people in front of me would have been good.
Now it's my turn to show my 7 year old daughter than being a stay at home Mom does not mean that is all I do. Who coined that phrase, anyway? I don't work outside the home, I don't go to school... instead of focusing on the "don't" it's time to find my drive to "do." Including the housework. Have I mentioned I really hate housework?
My cousin Marissa was supposed to run the Boston Marathon this week. Alas, she had an injury that kept her from running, so she, her husband, and my Uncle went to the route to support our friend Lisa, Lisa's husband, and Lisa's Dad. Thank the Lord, they are all okay. Lisa's husband and Dad were within feet of the explosions, they are fine. If Marissa had been running, my Uncle, Aunt and Marissa's sweet babies might have been in the area that was blown to shreds, and her finish time would have been around the time of the blasts. Talk about bittersweet divine intervention... who knew a fractured pelvis would turn out to be a blessing in disguise?
Anyway, Marissa and I have become good friends through the years, and part of our journey is that we set a similar goal for ourselves in labor and childbirth. Even though the details were different, having a sounding board in that journey that was not critical and encouraged my choices was huge. A year ago, my cousin ran her first 5K- the Boston 5K before the marathon. She set a new goal and went for it.
Almost 5 years ago, I set a goal to do my best to deliver my son without the epidural. Today I realized that that was the last major goal I've set for myself and followed through on.
That's depressing.
I am the middle sister in my family. Ironically, I have always felt just in the middle... oh, I have done well in some areas. I was raised to do my best, but somehow along the way that translated into just being good enough. Ironic.
So, it's time for a new goal. Or maybe a couple. I am notorious for having ideas (I cannot really call them goals) and not following through. Perhaps it's fallout from that era of legalism in which I felt I could never be good enough so I would settle for what appeared to be my best, I don't know. Perhaps it's from not really having an example of setting goals other than getting the house clean and taking care of the kids. Those are good things, and I am thankful for my Mom, but I wish she had taken time to cultivate personal interests in addition to the home and garden. I think it would have been good for her... the example of having goals set by other people in front of me would have been good.
Now it's my turn to show my 7 year old daughter than being a stay at home Mom does not mean that is all I do. Who coined that phrase, anyway? I don't work outside the home, I don't go to school... instead of focusing on the "don't" it's time to find my drive to "do." Including the housework. Have I mentioned I really hate housework?
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