issues and impact
Isn't it amazing that relatively short times can have such a profound impact on our lives?
My family spent just a few years attending an Independent Fundamental Baptist (VERY conservative/legalistic) church, yet I came out of that experience with an extreme desire to be liked accompanied by a doubt that friends really would be there for me, and a fear of doing anything wrong for fear of what others might think. I'm sure their intention was to teach kids the ways of the Lord, but what WE did or did not do often over-shadowed God's working in our lives. To be fair, the Bible classes and AWANA clubs I was involved in at that particular church and school in Mid-Michigan laid a good foundation of Biblical knowledge. However, that church/school's interpretation of grace often manifested itself as,"Thank God I'm saved and I'm not like that...."
Anyway, the few years we spend in that environment, well, they had an impact. I still struggle with being judgmental to this day. Oh, I believe there is absolute truth and it can be found in the Bible, but I also believe life's not so much about us and what we do (or don't do), but about knowing God. Trusting in Christ as Saviour, recognizing that my need for His grace did not stop at the point of salvation, and knowing that because I CAN trust the One who created me, I can also be vulnerable and develop friendships... even with those who think differently than me.
When hubby and I met, we clicked partially because of our past involvement in similar churches. He was taking a theology class at the college he transferred to following the semester of the Marshmallow Man incident. We spent hours on the phone discussing what he was learning from his professor, and getting to know each other. Together we learned that God's forgiveness and grace continues into daily life, and that living the "good Christian life" is not all about us. We could not do it without knowing Jesus personally. Oh, we knew that before, too. But in the midst of the lip service to living by grace, there were always pressures attached. Go to church. Make sure you haven't "backslidden." Recommit yourself (versus focusing on Christ and asking the Holy Spirit to change your heart as only He can.) Avoid ALL appearances of evil. Thank God there IS more to life than rules, rules, and more rules. Seeking His glory instead of other peoples' approval makes so much more sense. I mean, no offense to anyone, but we are all a bunch of idiots in need of a Saviour. When we create a new law to follow, adding rules that are not really in His Word, we run into serious problems. On the other hand, I recognize that I have
often been so critical of legalism that I end up judging people for what I perceive to be their lack of understanding of the true Freedom we have in Christ. Ironic, isn't it?
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Galatians 2:16-21
5 comments:
I hear you. I spent far too many years going to Christian schools where I was mostly taught that public schools were "of the devil", which did not make it any easier for me to actually attend a public high school. Not only that, but the fundementalist baptist (not worthy of capitalization) school I went to from 6th -8th grade not only put me academically behind in math (thanks to curriculum written by your husband's almost-alma mater), but it permanently imprinted in me the same insecurity that you mentioned. I'll never forget going to a birthday party and taking Amy Grant's newest tape as my gift, only to have the mother of my classmate return it to me, saying that "music from the devil" was no allowed. Amy Grant? From the devil? Heavens! I could list horrid event after horrid event. To this day, when I think about it, I realize that there still needs to be healing in my heart from all they did, for instead of just seeing a sad memory, I still feel angry and judged. And, that would also be why I can never, ever go to a baptist church and really make it my home.
I'm glad your hubby didn't stay at that place, and that it sounds like you both found some healing after what you both went through. But I'll still say this.....on behalf of people who really do love Jesus and try to figure out what it means to live for Him, I'm sorry your husband went through such a crazy situation, and I'm sorry you were also hurt by the church. Sometimes, I am sure God is in Heaven pulling on his hair, saying, "Kids! You're missing the point!" I'm sorry you had to be with folks who were missing the point.
It's funny, the school we went to actually academically was superior to many of the public schools in our area, and they challenged my brother to do well while the other schools wanted him on ridalin. So not all was bad. But of course, the bad stands out the most.
Hubby's brother and sis in law met (and graduated) from the university, and they have managed to adjust, find a place of worship that might not "check" with their alma mater, but addresses the heart issues, etc.
hubby's parents graduated from there, too, so the whole ordeal was especially hard. Back in their day, the rules were not so extreme because the culture in general was not so extreme in the opposite direction.
I am glad there's plenty of time before the college decision has to be made for our child.
and if she's like her mom, she will ed up at a state school out of affordability anyway.
Lauren, I was just thinking about the last part of your reply to me. I did go to Bible college, and am grateful for it in some ways. But the time I spent at the local state university was the most valuable. Not only was the education top-notch, the price amazingly good, but the Christians there were "real". I figured out that it was because if they were really going to follow Jesus, they knew it was going to cost them something on that university known for its math and science programs. So, any half-hearted Christians didn't participate, whereas at Bible college being a Christian was the "in" thing, so everyone claimed it, though few walked it. Looking back, if I had to do it all over again, I might spend one year taking Bible classes at a good Bible/Christian college, and then I'd do the rest at a state university. That way, I'd get the best of both worlds - great professors who could help me dig into theology (which I enjoy learning about), and the chance to build friendships with those who don't know Jesus while also participating in a good campus fellowship group. Oh....to be 18 again......
Anyway, perhaps it won't be the end of the world if Hannah doesn't end up getting a degree from some big name Christian college. Who knows? Maybe she will decide she wants to major in horticulture, now that she's had a summer of gardening with her mommy. =)
Hope this all makes sense.
My alma mater is known for its' ag department and rodeo team, and God definitely knew what He was doing when He closed the doors to the Christian schools. You are right, Christians tend to find one another in the real world, just as in the "sterile" environment of a "Christian institution, those who aren't afraid to question and dig deep find each other outside of chapel services. And if hubby hadn't left his Christian school and my friends and I had not connected at our university, then become friends with him... well,we're living proof that God works out the details.
The pastor at the church I attended was even an adjunct religion professor on campus.
I've been so frustrated with churches lately for this exact reason. I want to go to church somewhere that I'm allowed to use my mind and have my own thoughts and understanding about Scripture. I know there is Truth, but I'm pretty sure no human is the infallable possessor of it. I just want to love and follow Jesus instead of worrying if I say the wrong thing to the wrong person or do something that is going to make me receive a lecture from the pastor.
I went to a large, private, secular university and a Bible college (and I guess now I go to a large, Christian university, but that's online, so I don't get overly influenced by all the "rules"). For me, when I went away to college, I needed a Christian environment because I did not have a firm foundation. Bible college was exactly what I needed to be able to grow. But it was one where the rules made sense to me, at least, and it was never a matter of "follow these rules or doubt your salvation."
I'm sorry you had such a difficult experience, but I'm so glad that God has restored what the enemy tried to steal from you.
The more I get to know you, the more I love you!
Twinkling for Jesus,
Michelle
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