Babies, everywhere...
Please forgive me for whining for just a little bit. It is by no means meant to make any of my pregnant friends feel bad, especially when most of you are getting into the uncomfortable stages as you await your newest blessings.
Just when I think I'm doing really well, I am reminded that just over 3 months ago, I took my first home pregnancy tests which looked slightly positive. A week later, I tested again. And not long after that, my miscarriage began. I remember trying to hold out hope that maybe I was further along and it was implantation bleeding.
Well, one good friend just had a baby, I just got an e-mail with another's ultrasound photos, several friends are due any day now or within the next couple of months. And a neighbor and his 3 year old were walking and announced that the little guy is going to have a baby sister in August. (I heard through the grapevine that his wife had a miscarriage not that long ago, so I am praying that everything continues to go well in the pregnancy.)
No matter how happy I am for my friends, I can't help but feel a little jealous. When you believe that every life is precious, it hurts to have one taken away, no matter how small. My head knows that there is a reason for everything, but my hearts still asks "why?" Some of these women are due right around the time my baby would have been due, and I can't help but think it would have been neat to have our kids so close in age.
I know I'm not the only mom to not hold her baby in her arms. I know that the Lord is in control, and pray that if for some reason we can't have another biological child, we can adopt at least one some day. In the meantime, I still miss my little one.
6 comments:
*hugs*
I do know how you feel.
I will not say I know how you feel...I've never been there. But I can imagine & I am praying for peace for you in all this. You have every right to mourn the loss of your little one. And you have the right to mourn that loss for the rest of your life no matter how long you carried...never let anyone tell you differently.
You will mourn at different times the rest of your life. Different events, times of the year, babies, hormones will trigger those feelings. If I had a dime for every time I've been jealous of someone who is pregnant or has a new baby, I'd be a rich woman. I shared a certain jealousy with you just last week. That little person was indeed a part of you, and is now gone, you feel whatever you want and need to feel. I'm praying for you!
Sweety I've lost 7 little babes from 4wks to 8wks pregnancy. For whatever reason I cannot have anymore. I've been told by the dr. if I carried one more it would kill me or the baby. I wish to feel pregnant one more time, but then I think about all the late nights and lack of sleep when I want to sleep. I think what I miss most right now..Is when they are tiny tiny little ones and they need and rely on me, and me alone. They can't fire me from the different jobs that mommies do.
I have some idea of what you are going through and am sending prayers up that you will find peace and comfort in your time and God's.
Hugs my friend,
Thank you, friends! I knew this would be a safe place for me to vent.
I just wanted to say, I know how you feel. I lost 3 babies in between my two. My children are 10.5 years apart. We honestly had given up any hope of having another child. My heart ached for years. I couldn't understand it either. One of my best friends was praying for me to get pregnant, and she ended up pregnant with #4 - unplanned. The birth of that baby was so bittersweet - I held her and cried. Happy for her, heartbroken that I wasn't holding my own. But then I got my second miracle - my precious little girl. I guess I just want to say, I know it's hard and difficult to understand. But hang in there - God knows the desires of our hearts. I realized that the birth of our daughter was in His perfect timing. Don't lose hope. I pray you will soon be blessed with another precious little one. {{Hugs}}
(Sorry that got so long - I talk a lot!!)
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