happy birthday to... hubby?
Bear's 3rd birthday is tomorrow. I sent hubby out to pick up her gift from us. While he was at it, he found a new car for himself.
My mazda 626 which we bought right after we got married is going bye-bye. It's been an idiot magnet, plus I had one accident that was my fault, so I am only slightly sorry to see it go.... just over 9 years later.
Not looking forward to having a car payment again, but I don't want the transmission to leave either of us stranded, and we were offered a decent trade in value.
He owes me. A new bike and new car all in one year. Yes, he really owes me. ;)
Friday, October 24, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
I am not a politician.
The closest I've come to that is raising my concerns over some of our HOA's practices. As I mentioned in a previous post, Senator Obama's extreme anti-child position concerns me. Click HERE to read more if you are so inclined.
I've also posted the link to a Pro-Life blog in my sidebar.
The closest I've come to that is raising my concerns over some of our HOA's practices. As I mentioned in a previous post, Senator Obama's extreme anti-child position concerns me. Click HERE to read more if you are so inclined.
I've also posted the link to a Pro-Life blog in my sidebar.
Monday, October 13, 2008
mommy etiquette?
Bear and I went to the playground yesterday. She made a beeline for the toddler swing, barely arriving before a mom and her young toddler who wanted to ride it. The Mom said to go ahead, so I pushed her a few times, then told her that since she is big enough to ride a regular swing, she needed to share and give the little boy a turn. She willingly agreed to get down and chose to head to the twisty slide. When she got to the top, another girl was climbing up the slide. I asked Bear to wait to go down until the other girl finished. The girl stayed put. I told her that other kids wanted to use the slide, too, and she needed to slide down. She climbed up. "Get out of my way!" she said to my daughter. She slid down again, and her friend also tried to cut in front of Bear. Meanwhile, Bear was astonished and frightened, near tears. The other girl was STILL on the slide. "You need to learn to share. Get down and give the other kids a turn." I told her in my "playground monitor" voice. Of course, it was too late for Bear. She had already turned around and ran to the steps. "Mommy, she scared me!" We proceeded to the big kid swings for a few minutes.
Normally, the other parents are around prompting their kids to use good manners. Apparently this 5-ish year old's Mom was too busy socializing to realize her daughter was a bully and slide hog. I half expected her, whoever she was, to come up and address me for scolding her child, but nope, no sign of any intervention of any type.
Later on, Bear decided to try again. The bully's friend was up there around the same time, and let my daughter go first. Bear looked at her as though she expected to be bullied again, but the girl insisted she have a turn. (Apparently her manners returned when the other girl was not around.) She managed to go down the slide successfully.
A few minutes earlier, I had just taught my almost 3 year old daughter to share her beloved swing with a younger child. Then, she waited her turn patiently at the slide, only to be scared by a slightly older kid who apparently didn't listen to the times her parents had tried to teach her playground etiquette.
So, when do you let kids work things out on their own, and when do you step in and "parent" other people's kids?
Bear and I went to the playground yesterday. She made a beeline for the toddler swing, barely arriving before a mom and her young toddler who wanted to ride it. The Mom said to go ahead, so I pushed her a few times, then told her that since she is big enough to ride a regular swing, she needed to share and give the little boy a turn. She willingly agreed to get down and chose to head to the twisty slide. When she got to the top, another girl was climbing up the slide. I asked Bear to wait to go down until the other girl finished. The girl stayed put. I told her that other kids wanted to use the slide, too, and she needed to slide down. She climbed up. "Get out of my way!" she said to my daughter. She slid down again, and her friend also tried to cut in front of Bear. Meanwhile, Bear was astonished and frightened, near tears. The other girl was STILL on the slide. "You need to learn to share. Get down and give the other kids a turn." I told her in my "playground monitor" voice. Of course, it was too late for Bear. She had already turned around and ran to the steps. "Mommy, she scared me!" We proceeded to the big kid swings for a few minutes.
Normally, the other parents are around prompting their kids to use good manners. Apparently this 5-ish year old's Mom was too busy socializing to realize her daughter was a bully and slide hog. I half expected her, whoever she was, to come up and address me for scolding her child, but nope, no sign of any intervention of any type.
Later on, Bear decided to try again. The bully's friend was up there around the same time, and let my daughter go first. Bear looked at her as though she expected to be bullied again, but the girl insisted she have a turn. (Apparently her manners returned when the other girl was not around.) She managed to go down the slide successfully.
A few minutes earlier, I had just taught my almost 3 year old daughter to share her beloved swing with a younger child. Then, she waited her turn patiently at the slide, only to be scared by a slightly older kid who apparently didn't listen to the times her parents had tried to teach her playground etiquette.
So, when do you let kids work things out on their own, and when do you step in and "parent" other people's kids?
Thursday, October 09, 2008
the roller coaster...
I know the baby blues are normal, but a few days ago I found myself spiraling downward, overwhelmed by everything that I need to do and my inability to do it, or even a quarter of "it." I felt like God messed up somehow when He made me, because I hate that I wrestle with depression and/or anxiety (depends on the day or moment you catch me). NOT a good place to be. Thankfully Hubby and my close friends know just what to say... or not to say. They know when to listen and give a big hug. I KNOW what I was thinking isn't true, that my Creator designed me exactly how He wanted me to be, but there I went again... The rest of the week has gone much more smoothly.
Our little buddy has his first cough, and though he lacks a fever, I am watching him closely. He's been sleeping more today, so he must be fighting something... either that, or his body realized he is only 6 1/2 weeks old and while big sis is fun to watch, he needs sleep. Or maybe both.
The bright side is I've tackled a couple of things which were pestering me AND had some one on one time with Bear while her brother slept. I am thinking more clearly and in light of the Truth. And Hubby's words reminded me of a song that was sung at our wedding:
all of my life
i have dreamed
that somehow love would find me
now i can't believe you're standing here
If beauty is all
in the eye
of the beholder then i
wish you could see
the love for you that lives in me
(Chorus)
And you would know you have my heart
If you could see, what i see
that a treasure's what you are
if you could see, what i see
Created to be
the only one for me
If you could see, what i see
I know there are days
when you feel
so much less than ideal
wondering what i see in you
It's all of the light
and the grace
your belief in me drives me to say
that i promise you
a faithful love, forever true
(Chorus)
if you could see
then you'd understand
why i fall down to my knees
and i pray my love
will be worthy of
the one who gave his life
so our love could be
if you could see
what i see(x2)
You're created to be
The perfect one for me
If you could see
What i see
if beauty is all
in the eye
of the beholder then i
am beholding...
true beauty
If You Could See What I See by Geoff Moore and the Distance
I know the baby blues are normal, but a few days ago I found myself spiraling downward, overwhelmed by everything that I need to do and my inability to do it, or even a quarter of "it." I felt like God messed up somehow when He made me, because I hate that I wrestle with depression and/or anxiety (depends on the day or moment you catch me). NOT a good place to be. Thankfully Hubby and my close friends know just what to say... or not to say. They know when to listen and give a big hug. I KNOW what I was thinking isn't true, that my Creator designed me exactly how He wanted me to be, but there I went again... The rest of the week has gone much more smoothly.
Our little buddy has his first cough, and though he lacks a fever, I am watching him closely. He's been sleeping more today, so he must be fighting something... either that, or his body realized he is only 6 1/2 weeks old and while big sis is fun to watch, he needs sleep. Or maybe both.
The bright side is I've tackled a couple of things which were pestering me AND had some one on one time with Bear while her brother slept. I am thinking more clearly and in light of the Truth. And Hubby's words reminded me of a song that was sung at our wedding:
all of my life
i have dreamed
that somehow love would find me
now i can't believe you're standing here
If beauty is all
in the eye
of the beholder then i
wish you could see
the love for you that lives in me
(Chorus)
And you would know you have my heart
If you could see, what i see
that a treasure's what you are
if you could see, what i see
Created to be
the only one for me
If you could see, what i see
I know there are days
when you feel
so much less than ideal
wondering what i see in you
It's all of the light
and the grace
your belief in me drives me to say
that i promise you
a faithful love, forever true
(Chorus)
if you could see
then you'd understand
why i fall down to my knees
and i pray my love
will be worthy of
the one who gave his life
so our love could be
if you could see
what i see(x2)
You're created to be
The perfect one for me
If you could see
What i see
if beauty is all
in the eye
of the beholder then i
am beholding...
true beauty
If You Could See What I See by Geoff Moore and the Distance
Saturday, October 04, 2008
my adventures in babywearing
So far, my babywearing adventures post-delivery have been limited. Tech Mom made me a GORGEOUS ring sling which I posted about earlier, and I had difficulty using it. However, using Steph Precourt's video as a guide, I have been able to make it work for us... tummy to tummy definitely feels more secure. I have also carried "Buddy" cradle hold style as well as tummy to tummy in the Lite on Shoulder Baby holder slings which my dear friends Steph and Anna got me as a shower gift. They are perfect when I want to spend time outside without messing with the stroller/infant carrier. I've even done a little gardening wearing my little guy... cut back dead gladiola leaves. And played frisbee with Bear. It's so nice to be able to hold the baby and spend quality time with his big sister! Oh, and this morning I slipped him into the sling while I ate my toast, because I was not in the mood for a fussy child after a near-perfect night (10:0-4:00 sleeping, feeding, then sleeping until 7 again). I think I'll get the hang of these sling things!
So far, my babywearing adventures post-delivery have been limited. Tech Mom made me a GORGEOUS ring sling which I posted about earlier, and I had difficulty using it. However, using Steph Precourt's video as a guide, I have been able to make it work for us... tummy to tummy definitely feels more secure. I have also carried "Buddy" cradle hold style as well as tummy to tummy in the Lite on Shoulder Baby holder slings which my dear friends Steph and Anna got me as a shower gift. They are perfect when I want to spend time outside without messing with the stroller/infant carrier. I've even done a little gardening wearing my little guy... cut back dead gladiola leaves. And played frisbee with Bear. It's so nice to be able to hold the baby and spend quality time with his big sister! Oh, and this morning I slipped him into the sling while I ate my toast, because I was not in the mood for a fussy child after a near-perfect night (10:0-4:00 sleeping, feeding, then sleeping until 7 again). I think I'll get the hang of these sling things!
Thursday, October 02, 2008
:)
My man is holding our little guy... there's something about seeing it that makes my heart melt. Over and over again.
Bear likes to put off going to bed by giving Mommy and Brother hugs and kisses. Over and over again. That makes my heart melt, too.
A cousin who lives across the country and I have not seen since our Grandpa's funeral, sent us a package today. We've received a lot of packages in the past month, but this one made my heart melt. I think it's because the fact that our relatives are all spread out, yet somehow my parents kept in touch with many of them through the years, and now some of us are keeping in touch. Some day we'll make it out to the SF Bay area for a visit.
Staples.com is prompt. Can't say that makes my heart melt, but it is a good thing. (Oh, yeah, punctuality is always a good thing.)
I think I'm going to see how much sleep I can get before our little guy wakes up for his next snack. But before I do, I am reminding myself that the newborn phase, with it's unpredictability, will pass far too quickly. It won't be long until it will feel like he's been smiling at me forever, and he'll move on to master a bigger skill. These first smiles make my heart melt. I wish I could capture one on camera, but they're still in the unpredictable stage. So for now, unless you happen to be right there and one of the few graced with my son's sweet smile straight into your eyes, I get to keep them for myself.
My man is holding our little guy... there's something about seeing it that makes my heart melt. Over and over again.
Bear likes to put off going to bed by giving Mommy and Brother hugs and kisses. Over and over again. That makes my heart melt, too.
A cousin who lives across the country and I have not seen since our Grandpa's funeral, sent us a package today. We've received a lot of packages in the past month, but this one made my heart melt. I think it's because the fact that our relatives are all spread out, yet somehow my parents kept in touch with many of them through the years, and now some of us are keeping in touch. Some day we'll make it out to the SF Bay area for a visit.
Staples.com is prompt. Can't say that makes my heart melt, but it is a good thing. (Oh, yeah, punctuality is always a good thing.)
I think I'm going to see how much sleep I can get before our little guy wakes up for his next snack. But before I do, I am reminding myself that the newborn phase, with it's unpredictability, will pass far too quickly. It won't be long until it will feel like he's been smiling at me forever, and he'll move on to master a bigger skill. These first smiles make my heart melt. I wish I could capture one on camera, but they're still in the unpredictable stage. So for now, unless you happen to be right there and one of the few graced with my son's sweet smile straight into your eyes, I get to keep them for myself.
normalcy?
Is it possible? To show you how "out of the norm" I feel, the fact is illustrated by the fact that I almost posted this on the "Whatcha' got cookin'" collaborative blog about... cooking. Thankfully I caught my error before posting.
Anyway, I just read Steph's recent post about feeling like a failure as a Mom of 4, and that sort of put me in my place. And sort of not. I mean, I only have TWO kids. I should be able to juggle, right?
However, the fact of the matter is that between raging new-Mom hormones, having an active toddler and a needy newborn, no matter how many kids you have, motherhood is just hard sometimes. I forgot about that part.
I think I am finally almost over feeling like a failure for quitting nursing... for the 2nd time. Oh, I am still a little sad that it hasn't worked out for us, but baby has to eat, and the 2-hour sessions which seemed to go smoothly, well... 10 minutes after they were over, my heart would sink as he acted soo famished. I was a mere pacifier, apparently. I confess, I was not willing to see a lactation consultant or get help from the LLL. Just didn't have the motivation to try that hard this time around, after the emotional hell I went through 3 years ago. Now that I think my milk is drying up and the pain is decreasing, things are getting a lot easier feeding-wise. I did switch back to Dr. Brown's bottles, using the cheap-o Evenflo seems to result in far more more spit-up. I know this has been a recurring topic on my blog, I sometimes wish I were one that "didn't think about things too much", but when you have an ideal in your mind, you have to decide how much it means to you, and if you choose to let go... work through the process in your own way and own time. God bless the Moms who have the motivation to stick it out, or whose little ones take to it naturally. And God bless the rest of us, too.
Anyway, I am on a search for some sense of normalcy/routine. By that I mean, I would like to find a way to get a shower in the morning instead of after Bear goes to bed (though I might still need that evening shower, too). Hubby steps up and helps with the housework in the evenings, which is a good thing because otherwise it seems like nothing would get done.
I am soo grateful for the friends who have brought meals the past 5 weeks... seriously, I have tears in my eyes because were it not for their generousity, we might have starved. (Ok, maybe not.)
I just wanted to drop in and say hi, give a glimpse at where I am "at", and I hope all is well with my blogging buddies and friends and family who lurk on here. Now I need to make some lunch...
Is it possible? To show you how "out of the norm" I feel, the fact is illustrated by the fact that I almost posted this on the "Whatcha' got cookin'" collaborative blog about... cooking. Thankfully I caught my error before posting.
Anyway, I just read Steph's recent post about feeling like a failure as a Mom of 4, and that sort of put me in my place. And sort of not. I mean, I only have TWO kids. I should be able to juggle, right?
However, the fact of the matter is that between raging new-Mom hormones, having an active toddler and a needy newborn, no matter how many kids you have, motherhood is just hard sometimes. I forgot about that part.
I think I am finally almost over feeling like a failure for quitting nursing... for the 2nd time. Oh, I am still a little sad that it hasn't worked out for us, but baby has to eat, and the 2-hour sessions which seemed to go smoothly, well... 10 minutes after they were over, my heart would sink as he acted soo famished. I was a mere pacifier, apparently. I confess, I was not willing to see a lactation consultant or get help from the LLL. Just didn't have the motivation to try that hard this time around, after the emotional hell I went through 3 years ago. Now that I think my milk is drying up and the pain is decreasing, things are getting a lot easier feeding-wise. I did switch back to Dr. Brown's bottles, using the cheap-o Evenflo seems to result in far more more spit-up. I know this has been a recurring topic on my blog, I sometimes wish I were one that "didn't think about things too much", but when you have an ideal in your mind, you have to decide how much it means to you, and if you choose to let go... work through the process in your own way and own time. God bless the Moms who have the motivation to stick it out, or whose little ones take to it naturally. And God bless the rest of us, too.
Anyway, I am on a search for some sense of normalcy/routine. By that I mean, I would like to find a way to get a shower in the morning instead of after Bear goes to bed (though I might still need that evening shower, too). Hubby steps up and helps with the housework in the evenings, which is a good thing because otherwise it seems like nothing would get done.
I am soo grateful for the friends who have brought meals the past 5 weeks... seriously, I have tears in my eyes because were it not for their generousity, we might have starved. (Ok, maybe not.)
I just wanted to drop in and say hi, give a glimpse at where I am "at", and I hope all is well with my blogging buddies and friends and family who lurk on here. Now I need to make some lunch...
ooh!!!!
A big thanks to Steph Precourt for her videos on how to wear baby slings! My ring slings have come in handy already (Bear and I took a leisurely walk/"treasure hunt" yesterday and I carried sleeping Buddy the whole time , but I definitely needed some tips. The cradle hold was not comfy for either of us when he was awake, but fine for sleeping.
A big thanks to Steph Precourt for her videos on how to wear baby slings! My ring slings have come in handy already (Bear and I took a leisurely walk/"treasure hunt" yesterday and I carried sleeping Buddy the whole time , but I definitely needed some tips. The cradle hold was not comfy for either of us when he was awake, but fine for sleeping.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Pray for the Wyatt's
They have a 1 1/2 year old son, Jack, and twins on the way in December.
And they are moving from TN to NYC to be missionaries, working in a church there. You can read more about their calling here. It truly is THEIR calling, not just Freddy T.'s, and I am amazed by his wife Susan's faith in what's such a busy time in their life already!
They have a 1 1/2 year old son, Jack, and twins on the way in December.
And they are moving from TN to NYC to be missionaries, working in a church there. You can read more about their calling here. It truly is THEIR calling, not just Freddy T.'s, and I am amazed by his wife Susan's faith in what's such a busy time in their life already!
Thursday, September 25, 2008
flashback to thanksgiving of 05
okay, not as drastic. i put my size 12's in the wash a couple of hours ago. a few minutes after switching my clothes into the dryer, i heard a clunking noise. at first i wanted hubby to figure out the cause, but then i remembered... my cell phone.
don't try to reach me on my cell, it won't work. at least the house isn't on fire.
i think my mental state is deteriorating.
okay, not as drastic. i put my size 12's in the wash a couple of hours ago. a few minutes after switching my clothes into the dryer, i heard a clunking noise. at first i wanted hubby to figure out the cause, but then i remembered... my cell phone.
don't try to reach me on my cell, it won't work. at least the house isn't on fire.
i think my mental state is deteriorating.
a minor mama milestone
I fit into my size 12 jeans! I guess you could call it pumping the pounds away.... Little Man remains a slow eater, no matter how he's fed. We've reached my goal of mostly breastmilk for the first month, and he is thriving. It feels good to know that he is doing so well. I would quit pumping in a heartbeat, but anyone who has weaned knows it's not that simple, and I inevitably give in and pump to relieve the pressure, so to speak. At least he is satisfied after bottle feedings, unlike after most nursing sessions. In addition to mama's weight loss (almost 15 lbs so far, half of what I gained), baby's weight gain to 9 lb 5 oz is celebrated!
I fit into my size 12 jeans! I guess you could call it pumping the pounds away.... Little Man remains a slow eater, no matter how he's fed. We've reached my goal of mostly breastmilk for the first month, and he is thriving. It feels good to know that he is doing so well. I would quit pumping in a heartbeat, but anyone who has weaned knows it's not that simple, and I inevitably give in and pump to relieve the pressure, so to speak. At least he is satisfied after bottle feedings, unlike after most nursing sessions. In addition to mama's weight loss (almost 15 lbs so far, half of what I gained), baby's weight gain to 9 lb 5 oz is celebrated!
Sunday, September 21, 2008
quest for gas
There's one type of gas that is far too prolific in our home. But the fuel shortage is what has our area going completely insane this weekend. I waited 15 minutes in line to top off my tank yesterday, as our other car is almost empty so hubby will drive the SUV to work until gas stations have supplies again. Here's a pic of the view I had from my spot on the road. I just happened to have my camera with me thanks to the baby shower:
There's one type of gas that is far too prolific in our home. But the fuel shortage is what has our area going completely insane this weekend. I waited 15 minutes in line to top off my tank yesterday, as our other car is almost empty so hubby will drive the SUV to work until gas stations have supplies again. Here's a pic of the view I had from my spot on the road. I just happened to have my camera with me thanks to the baby shower:
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Sunday, September 14, 2008
I never thought I'd say this...
...but breastfeeding is harder than having a baby without the epidural. Maybe not physically, but emotionally it's WAY harder. Because when you think your child has eaten well, and then he or she hasn't, you feel like you have done something wrong, even when there is nothing else you could do.
We've made it almost 3 weeks. Hubby goes back to work tomorrow, which will be the test. My resolve is pretty low at this point. I take that back. My resolve to be a good Mom is stronger than ever. My conviction that breastfeeding is always best, not so much. In the grand scheme of things, the struggles I have dealt with in trying to nurse both of my kids are minor. They pale in comparison to what many of my friends have gone through with preemies and health problems related to pregnancy. I am blessed with a perfectly healthy daughter who thrived on formula after struggling with nursing. Our son is thriving on breastmilk, but I have chosen to pump and bottle feed after way too many extended nursing sessions which ended only to leave him unsatisfied. Maybe he'll grow into it, maybe not... but I was not about to let him start losing weight in the process, and he made it clear he was still hungry.
It's a challenge, because I would prefer to nurse than pump. period. But what's the point if he's hungry 5 minutes later? I know some might not agree with my choice, I also know that God gave each Mother instincts, and there are times that only the Mom can know what is best. Thankfully, this time we have had some sweet nursing sessions, not the latching struggles that I had with my first. However things turn out, I will be at peace with the journey, even though way was hard.
...but breastfeeding is harder than having a baby without the epidural. Maybe not physically, but emotionally it's WAY harder. Because when you think your child has eaten well, and then he or she hasn't, you feel like you have done something wrong, even when there is nothing else you could do.
We've made it almost 3 weeks. Hubby goes back to work tomorrow, which will be the test. My resolve is pretty low at this point. I take that back. My resolve to be a good Mom is stronger than ever. My conviction that breastfeeding is always best, not so much. In the grand scheme of things, the struggles I have dealt with in trying to nurse both of my kids are minor. They pale in comparison to what many of my friends have gone through with preemies and health problems related to pregnancy. I am blessed with a perfectly healthy daughter who thrived on formula after struggling with nursing. Our son is thriving on breastmilk, but I have chosen to pump and bottle feed after way too many extended nursing sessions which ended only to leave him unsatisfied. Maybe he'll grow into it, maybe not... but I was not about to let him start losing weight in the process, and he made it clear he was still hungry.
It's a challenge, because I would prefer to nurse than pump. period. But what's the point if he's hungry 5 minutes later? I know some might not agree with my choice, I also know that God gave each Mother instincts, and there are times that only the Mom can know what is best. Thankfully, this time we have had some sweet nursing sessions, not the latching struggles that I had with my first. However things turn out, I will be at peace with the journey, even though way was hard.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
If you live near Chattanooga, TN/North GA and need a photographer,
I highly recommend Dotson Studios!
I highly recommend Dotson Studios!
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Ahh...
That's a sigh of relief. It's been a full hour since we completed a nursing session, and Little Guy is still asleep. He's got to be going through a growth spurt or something, because the past 2 days he has forced me to spend much more time sitting than doing anything else. I don't mind the cuddling; but when he is hungry 10 or 15 minutes later after nursing for a LONG time, it gets frustrating. Oh, well, we'll get through it one way or another.
Hubby is a great Daddy. He has been so good with Bear, making sure she gets to do some special things like paint pictures with him. (He said his paintings are about the same as they were in 3rd or 4th grade).
One of my biggest concerns as Little Guy's birth approached was that PPD would kick in. Oh, I've had a few hormonal mood swings and frustrations already mentioned, but I am thankful that the Lord has sustained me, and given me true joy through the journey this time. The first few weeks of Bear's life were shrouded in a fog of uncertainty, fear, worry about her lack of weight gain, and loneliness due to my partner being far away. As much as I tried not to let that fog consume me, it did. If it weren't for family and friends whom the Lord sent to walk beside me, I really don't think I would have survived. Oh, the family time we've had together since then made the sacrifice worth it, but that does not change the difficulty of the cumulative factors. And I wish I had recognized how deep my struggles were during that time frame, because I'm sure some medication would have been good for me.
Anyway, the journey into life with two kids is much more joyful so far. I love it. I love my husband and my children even more than I could have ever imagined. The way Bear dotes on her baby brother makes me smile; she is so mothering. (And sometimes smothering, we have to keep an eye on her.)
God has been good. He truly is our Sustainer, Creator and Prince of Peace. And every time Bear sees a cross (and sometimes plus sings), she reminds us, "Jesus died on the cross for our sins!" I can't wait to see her tender heart draw nearer to Him as she grows up.
That's a sigh of relief. It's been a full hour since we completed a nursing session, and Little Guy is still asleep. He's got to be going through a growth spurt or something, because the past 2 days he has forced me to spend much more time sitting than doing anything else. I don't mind the cuddling; but when he is hungry 10 or 15 minutes later after nursing for a LONG time, it gets frustrating. Oh, well, we'll get through it one way or another.
Hubby is a great Daddy. He has been so good with Bear, making sure she gets to do some special things like paint pictures with him. (He said his paintings are about the same as they were in 3rd or 4th grade).
One of my biggest concerns as Little Guy's birth approached was that PPD would kick in. Oh, I've had a few hormonal mood swings and frustrations already mentioned, but I am thankful that the Lord has sustained me, and given me true joy through the journey this time. The first few weeks of Bear's life were shrouded in a fog of uncertainty, fear, worry about her lack of weight gain, and loneliness due to my partner being far away. As much as I tried not to let that fog consume me, it did. If it weren't for family and friends whom the Lord sent to walk beside me, I really don't think I would have survived. Oh, the family time we've had together since then made the sacrifice worth it, but that does not change the difficulty of the cumulative factors. And I wish I had recognized how deep my struggles were during that time frame, because I'm sure some medication would have been good for me.
Anyway, the journey into life with two kids is much more joyful so far. I love it. I love my husband and my children even more than I could have ever imagined. The way Bear dotes on her baby brother makes me smile; she is so mothering. (And sometimes smothering, we have to keep an eye on her.)
God has been good. He truly is our Sustainer, Creator and Prince of Peace. And every time Bear sees a cross (and sometimes plus sings), she reminds us, "Jesus died on the cross for our sins!" I can't wait to see her tender heart draw nearer to Him as she grows up.
2 weeks ago today & an update
(our birth story)
(our birth story)
(fyi DH= Dear Hubby)
Let's see here... backtrack...
Early Tuesday morning I woke up to pee at 3:30. Couldn't get back to sleep, so I got online for a bit. I ate a nutty bar and had a glass of milk. Had to pee again, and was constipated, so I decided to drink some prune juice, that was about 5 a.m. I went back to bed, and shortly afterward, contractions began. It was a little after 6, I think. But I wasn't sure if they were contractions or indigestion from the juice. I got up to go to the bathroom and felt a small gush, similar to the one I had felt the night before. Except this time, the gush was followed by more liquidy trickle and not just mucous. And gradually, each time I went to the bathroom, there was a teensy bit of pink mixed in. Around 6:30 a.m. I decided to call my doula and my parents. Mom and Dad arrived about 7:15, and we told our doula to meet us at the hospital. When we left the house, my contractions were 12-15 minutes apart, but I knew I was GBS+ and needed to get on the IV since my water had broken. Of course, we hit traffic, but we kept reminding ourselves how much worse it would be if we had been going north into the city (I delivered at a smaller county hospital, but it has a level II NICU.) Sure enough, once we hit the interstate, we were cruising for 5 minutes til we hit the exit, then we were there. Good thing, too... because let's just say the prune juice worked. Way too well. But I was contracting at ready to meet my baby and did not care too much to be utterly humiliated. (The denim, almost brand new capris did end up in the trash, though.)
By the time I got to my room and the IV was in, it was 8:30. They put me on fluids and the penicillin, as well as zofran for nausea (I have a bad gag reflex normally, so the onset of nausea came as no surprise to me), and told me I could only have ice chips. I HAD to rinse my mouth after being nauseous (I have a bad gag reflex anyway, and it kicked in as the contractions got worse), I also snuck sips of water. I knew I was not planning on the epidural, even though I did sign the forms just in case. At this point the contractions were about 5 minutes apart. My doula was coming down from the downtown area, and had not arrived yet, but hubby was doing well and they were manageable. However, when she did arrive, I was so relieved to see her. (Honestly, I was still a little apprehensive about having an almost-stranger who I had met twice before attend my birth, but I knew from talking to friends that the extra support would be helpful. I knew she knew what my goals were and respected them, I liked her, I just felt a little odd having a non family member and non nurse present. Little did I know how much I would come to value her support!....)
The nurse checked me when I got there, I was about 3-4 cm, but about an hour and a half later I was already up to a 7. At that point, I had a burst of confidence. It was hard, but DH and Heather were helping me stay calm and focused, telling me I was doing a great job and could do it. Shortly after this, it got REALLY, hard. Really painful, and burning pain. My hips were killing me, and DH and Heather each massaged one, my lower back, or my neck as I requested it. I was sitting upright, the bed was set so it was kind of a modified sitting/squatting, and I gripped DH's hand for dear life and my doula's, too. One of the nurses came in from the nursery to have me sign something, and as I was working through a contraction, she also encouraged me. It turns out, in her 20 yrs of nursing experience, she was a labor coach. She encouraged me to try to relax my grip as I breathed, and use lower tones instead of screams. (My doula had tried telling me this, don't know why it took another person for it to kick into my brain.)
At this point, I also began closing my eyes and doing neck rolls back and forth, that helped me relax. I also found that pelvic circles helped in between contractions. The pain was so intense, changing positions was really hard for me, so I stayed pretty much in the same position that whole time.
I had begun to give up, and told DH and Heather I wanted to ask about my options when the nurse came back in. When she came back, she checked me first, and I was at 8 cm, but she said she could stretch it to a 9 if I wanted. Um, of course! And I knew by the time the meds got there, they wouldn't kick in until after the baby came out, so we were going for it.
It was really hard. I cussed a lot (at least I am honest), prayed a lot, moaned a lot. I stated aloud, "This is better for my baby." My OBs and nurses never once questioned my goal of an NCB through the whole process. to the point that they did not even strip my membranes when I had gone in on Monday and found out that my water had not broken. During labor, when it got really bad, my support team reminded me that NCB is only better if I could stay relaxed and helped me focus my breathing.
As I hit transition, it was awful. My doula suggested I change positions and try side-lying, and even though it hurt even more, it was just what Brandon needed. The nurses were prepping the tables and tools, OB prepping with her gloves, and I knew the time was coming (they had been in and out doing their things, monitoring me and my fluids and BP, throughout, my DH and doula were the only ones there the whole time)
I can't really describe the pain. By the time I was able to push, I was lacking the strength, and gripping my husband's biceps for dear life. I had to let go and grip the handles on the bed.
The really cool part in the midst of the pain was that though I could not control the pain, I did not feel out of control in the same way I had when I had been medicated with DD. It was a different lack of control, but I kept reminding myself of the purpose.
I was almost scared to push when it was really time, and my team coached me when to breath, hold breaths, push, etc. I pushed for about 20 minutes, through 4 or5 sets of contractions, and his head made it out. Then his shoulders.
I got to hold my little guy immediately, all slimy and gorgeous. He was blue, which scared me, but his apgars were still 8/9, and he was alert, etc..
He weighed in at 8 lbs 9 oz, 21 inches long, 14 cm head circumference, at 12:17 p.m.
He is perfect. His head is perfect.
I have felt so much better physically than after DD was born. Still tired, of course, but not as sore, and am bleeding less. I don't feel like I am in the medicated fog that I was after DD's birth, and am so glad I tried to go natural and basically did, except for the fluids and antibiotic.
Would I do it again? I would like to say yes, but I will say, "I hope so." It was intensely difficult, and fortunately I had a quick labor, relatively speaking. I don't know that I could have done it with a longer labor. I am fortunate in that there was no need for extra interventions, my BP stayed good, baby's heartbeat was good, etc. And when the lead anesthesiologist came in to ask how I was recovering from the epidural (since I had signed the paperwork, I was on his list), I was able to laugh and ask and tell him I managed without it.
***
I'd like to say that nursing is going perfectly, but alas there are some physiological difficulties and my baby's mouth just needs to be a bit bigger for his suck to be more effective. Plus he nurses well for 5 minutes, then turns into a sleepyhead. So it's a struggle, but we're still giving it our best. My goal is to make it through the first month... sometimes it's just day by day. When hubby goes back to work, I doubt I will be able to nurse him for 1 1/2 to 2 hours almost straight and be the Mommy that our daughter needs, so he'd better pick up the pace.... I refuse to stress out like I did with Bear, and don't have it in me to consult various experts every other day for suggestions. Baby has to eat, period. And when he goes to kindergarten, they won't ask how he was fed as a newborn.
By the time I got to my room and the IV was in, it was 8:30. They put me on fluids and the penicillin, as well as zofran for nausea (I have a bad gag reflex normally, so the onset of nausea came as no surprise to me), and told me I could only have ice chips. I HAD to rinse my mouth after being nauseous (I have a bad gag reflex anyway, and it kicked in as the contractions got worse), I also snuck sips of water. I knew I was not planning on the epidural, even though I did sign the forms just in case. At this point the contractions were about 5 minutes apart. My doula was coming down from the downtown area, and had not arrived yet, but hubby was doing well and they were manageable. However, when she did arrive, I was so relieved to see her. (Honestly, I was still a little apprehensive about having an almost-stranger who I had met twice before attend my birth, but I knew from talking to friends that the extra support would be helpful. I knew she knew what my goals were and respected them, I liked her, I just felt a little odd having a non family member and non nurse present. Little did I know how much I would come to value her support!....)
The nurse checked me when I got there, I was about 3-4 cm, but about an hour and a half later I was already up to a 7. At that point, I had a burst of confidence. It was hard, but DH and Heather were helping me stay calm and focused, telling me I was doing a great job and could do it. Shortly after this, it got REALLY, hard. Really painful, and burning pain. My hips were killing me, and DH and Heather each massaged one, my lower back, or my neck as I requested it. I was sitting upright, the bed was set so it was kind of a modified sitting/squatting, and I gripped DH's hand for dear life and my doula's, too. One of the nurses came in from the nursery to have me sign something, and as I was working through a contraction, she also encouraged me. It turns out, in her 20 yrs of nursing experience, she was a labor coach. She encouraged me to try to relax my grip as I breathed, and use lower tones instead of screams. (My doula had tried telling me this, don't know why it took another person for it to kick into my brain.)
At this point, I also began closing my eyes and doing neck rolls back and forth, that helped me relax. I also found that pelvic circles helped in between contractions. The pain was so intense, changing positions was really hard for me, so I stayed pretty much in the same position that whole time.
I had begun to give up, and told DH and Heather I wanted to ask about my options when the nurse came back in. When she came back, she checked me first, and I was at 8 cm, but she said she could stretch it to a 9 if I wanted. Um, of course! And I knew by the time the meds got there, they wouldn't kick in until after the baby came out, so we were going for it.
It was really hard. I cussed a lot (at least I am honest), prayed a lot, moaned a lot. I stated aloud, "This is better for my baby." My OBs and nurses never once questioned my goal of an NCB through the whole process. to the point that they did not even strip my membranes when I had gone in on Monday and found out that my water had not broken. During labor, when it got really bad, my support team reminded me that NCB is only better if I could stay relaxed and helped me focus my breathing.
As I hit transition, it was awful. My doula suggested I change positions and try side-lying, and even though it hurt even more, it was just what Brandon needed. The nurses were prepping the tables and tools, OB prepping with her gloves, and I knew the time was coming (they had been in and out doing their things, monitoring me and my fluids and BP, throughout, my DH and doula were the only ones there the whole time)
I can't really describe the pain. By the time I was able to push, I was lacking the strength, and gripping my husband's biceps for dear life. I had to let go and grip the handles on the bed.
The really cool part in the midst of the pain was that though I could not control the pain, I did not feel out of control in the same way I had when I had been medicated with DD. It was a different lack of control, but I kept reminding myself of the purpose.
I was almost scared to push when it was really time, and my team coached me when to breath, hold breaths, push, etc. I pushed for about 20 minutes, through 4 or5 sets of contractions, and his head made it out. Then his shoulders.
I got to hold my little guy immediately, all slimy and gorgeous. He was blue, which scared me, but his apgars were still 8/9, and he was alert, etc..
He weighed in at 8 lbs 9 oz, 21 inches long, 14 cm head circumference, at 12:17 p.m.
He is perfect. His head is perfect.
I have felt so much better physically than after DD was born. Still tired, of course, but not as sore, and am bleeding less. I don't feel like I am in the medicated fog that I was after DD's birth, and am so glad I tried to go natural and basically did, except for the fluids and antibiotic.
Would I do it again? I would like to say yes, but I will say, "I hope so." It was intensely difficult, and fortunately I had a quick labor, relatively speaking. I don't know that I could have done it with a longer labor. I am fortunate in that there was no need for extra interventions, my BP stayed good, baby's heartbeat was good, etc. And when the lead anesthesiologist came in to ask how I was recovering from the epidural (since I had signed the paperwork, I was on his list), I was able to laugh and ask and tell him I managed without it.
***
I'd like to say that nursing is going perfectly, but alas there are some physiological difficulties and my baby's mouth just needs to be a bit bigger for his suck to be more effective. Plus he nurses well for 5 minutes, then turns into a sleepyhead. So it's a struggle, but we're still giving it our best. My goal is to make it through the first month... sometimes it's just day by day. When hubby goes back to work, I doubt I will be able to nurse him for 1 1/2 to 2 hours almost straight and be the Mommy that our daughter needs, so he'd better pick up the pace.... I refuse to stress out like I did with Bear, and don't have it in me to consult various experts every other day for suggestions. Baby has to eat, period. And when he goes to kindergarten, they won't ask how he was fed as a newborn.
Saturday, September 06, 2008
I stole this from Zann's private blog. It holds true for anxious second time moms as well....
To A First Time Mother
by Helen Rittell
Relax, my dear, your little elf
Is just an amateur herself.
So if your hands, so newly filled
Seem somewhat less than skilled,
Relax, I say. This little pinkling
Doesn't have the slightest inkling
That you are new to baby lore.
She's never had a mom before.
To A First Time Mother
by Helen Rittell
Relax, my dear, your little elf
Is just an amateur herself.
So if your hands, so newly filled
Seem somewhat less than skilled,
Relax, I say. This little pinkling
Doesn't have the slightest inkling
That you are new to baby lore.
She's never had a mom before.
Friday, September 05, 2008
Sigh
I've got a another slow nurser/weak sucker on my hands. He is perfect in every other way, and he latches far better than Bear ever did. But if he doesn't speed up, I'm a bit worried he won't get enough or build supply. I can't nurse for 2 hours at a time every time.... at least not after hubby goes back to work. And he hates trying to nurse after I've pumped. It's a vicious cycle.
I've got a another slow nurser/weak sucker on my hands. He is perfect in every other way, and he latches far better than Bear ever did. But if he doesn't speed up, I'm a bit worried he won't get enough or build supply. I can't nurse for 2 hours at a time every time.... at least not after hubby goes back to work. And he hates trying to nurse after I've pumped. It's a vicious cycle.
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
A Public Service Announcement
Now that he's made his appearance, I plan to post Little Guy's updates on my kid-centered blog (Hannah Bear's Cave), and eventually return to posting some of my mind's random ramblings, er... wanderings... on this one. You can also find me on FB (e-mail me if you want to befriend me there).
Now that he's made his appearance, I plan to post Little Guy's updates on my kid-centered blog (Hannah Bear's Cave), and eventually return to posting some of my mind's random ramblings, er... wanderings... on this one. You can also find me on FB (e-mail me if you want to befriend me there).
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