in case you wondered...

The mums I tried to save never bloomed.  Don't envy my brown thumb. :)

Tackle it Tuesday: Grouch Edition

I'm pretty sure the purpose of the whole "Tackle It Tuesday" meme is to encourage you in the day-to-day stuff of life and the big accomplishments.  I'm tired and crabby right now, so consider this your warning.

On Sunday night, during a heavenly trip to the grocery store without kids, I rescued two 99 cent 3 inch pots with mums in them.  Bear had been begging for more flowers, and she was so excited when I brought them home.  It did not matter to her that the yellow and pink (er, brown) flowers were shriveling up.  They were beautiful to her.  It didn't matter to me either.  You see, in a past season of life I had flower beds.  Not pots on the third floor balcony of an apartment building.  There is a difference, and the amount of enjoyment cultivated, especially with a toddler undertow and an almost five year old who are both eager to "help," yeah... you get the picture.


I didn't take before pictures.  I just didn't, but I am probably the only person who would have spent 99 cents on dead-looking flowers. (In my defense, the plants were still very green).  However, they had new buds coming, and in my aforementioned former season of life, I learned that pinching off the dead buds will encourage new growth if the plants still have life in them.  And I am cheap... I am not spending $10 on flowers that are sure to die in this Hades-like heat in September. (It's in the 90's here just south of Hotlanta.)

Anyhow, this day of tackles started out well.... freshly brewed Starbucks coffee at home, Pumpkin spice creamer and sugar to taste, and I even threw a chicken in the crock pot after smothering it in delectable seasonings.  See?  I'm ready for Fall.

Fast forward a couple of hours.  Some Mommy decided it would be fun to take her kiddos out of the balcony to do a little "gardening" in the sun before it's too hot.  News flash: at 11:30 a.m. it is too hot to enjoy being outside.  So, I lifted one pot of dead summer flowers out of their decorative urn.  Discovered the urn was full of stagnating water.  I tried to dump water into one of the other pots, dumped too fast, and created a mini mud cascade down to the neighbors railing below. Crap. How neighborly of me.  So I threw on some jeans to go apologize, writing a note of apology for the mess I shared first, figuring they were not home.  I think I wrote the wrong apartment # on the note, but they know who I and my elephants are.  I mean, if someone had dumped muddy water on my balcony, I would not have been happy.  Not that the idiots who smoke their cigars and cigarrettes two floors down care that they are poisoning my air.

We we returned upstairs, and I vowed not to be defeated.  Buddy fell of sissy's bike and got back on at least 5 times.  At least he was mostly occupied.  Bear did a good job fetching water from the well, I mean bathroom faucet.  (I hope she turned it off all the way).  I asked her to pinch off the old buds, she did about 5 of the 40 and decided to go back inside.  Helping a crabby mommy is no fun.  By this time I was not enjoying being around myself, either.

Ok, so I cut off old dead flower stems from the remains of our summer flowers, and pulled others out of the pots I planned to re-use immediately.  I transplanted the mums and pinched off the dead blooms that Bear left and the plants don't look half bad.  But then I still had to sweep up the mess, because when you live on the third floor it's not good manners to sweep your dirt onto your neighbors' railings/balcony below....  Did I mention it is hot here?

So, pardon my grumpiness, but what would have been a fun project to share with the kids in my old yard was a frustrating chore here.  My flowers do look like they will be happier in their new home than they were in the grocery store's reject cart, in a week or maybe even less, I should have some fresh blooms to enjoy.  The kiddos will be able to pick them to their hearts' content because mums rebloom. (As long as little Buddy does not yank the whole plants out of the pots.)  Next year I'm just going to spend $50 on big beautiful flowers that don't require work other than watering them. (Um, not really.  It's against my frugal genes.) Next year I plan to be in a new season of life, including living in a house with a yard where gardening is much more fun, even in the heat.  (I think the heat bounces off the building and makes it feelworse than it really is.)

Once upon a time

people stayed where their families lived and worked for generations
children went off to school to learn a new trade, but returned "home" with their new skill
or they stayed home and found a local job and worked hard to advance in the company
or maybe they went off to school,  got a job elsewhere, and settled and lived happily ever
people who grew up in one of those situations
don't always seem to understand
the process variations for the rest of us
the how's or the why's or the where's

the alternate route may appear nomadic
but there is a purpose
our path may curve and fork
but we journey together
****
not every puzzle comes in a box with a picture of what it's supposed to look like in the end

Freedom

It feels good to make a decision for myself and my kids, and know without a doubt I made it for the right reasons.  And to acknowledge that I did make that choice as much for myself as my child.  And that's okay.  Not just okay, it's really a good thing.

My baby girl is starting school tomorrow.

I got a degree in education thinking I might homeschool someday.
I have a lot of friends who homeschool.
I have relatives who homeschool.
Sometimes it seems like it's the "in" thing to do in some circles.
(Though that is not why most parents choose it.  Just like any other decision, multiple factors are considered... learning styles, school quality, other opportunities, faith-based reasons, the list goes on and on and on....)

But God did not call me to homeschool, not completely.  Not this year.
He also did not call me to compare myself to others or try to do what they do because it sure looks or sounds like a nice idea. (Though the idea of schedule flexibility going out the window next year is enough to make me re-evaluate our path and start searching for a curriculum for Kindergarten.)
And when I finally realized that, I found freedom.  (Thanks, Cheri, for putting it that way in our chat.)

Of course, I will still be my child's teacher.  I'm her Mom.  That's what Moms do. We teach and train our kids, or at least pour our heart and soul into the effort.
But my husband and I have chosen to share some of that responsibility, to give me a little break.
To give little guy some mommy and me time like sis had when she was little.

Let the Pre-K school year begin!  I am so proud of my little girl and can't wait to see what she learns this year.  With and without my help.

"When I'm not in control"

I was reading a friend's note on her FB page, and as she relayed what's been going on in her life and her family lately, she mentioned a list of verses with this heading.  And then it hit me, maybe part of why my blog has been silent is precisely this.  I find that ironic.  I am not a control-freak, under most circumstances.   However, there is one pretty big question in my mind, followed by several related questions, that I've been waiting to have answered.  It's monopolized my thoughts for several months now, making it really hard for me to feel settled.  Not only that, I am not really looking for advice on how to deal with it, because, quite frankly I do not want to be patronized, and that's how advice comes off at times.  (I'm sure I've been guilty of offering patronizing advice to others, unintentionally, of course.) Just a few moments ago, as my cotton-ball stuffed mind (I have a cold) processed my friend's update... I really, really, really do not like being in control of this particular aspect in my life.  My blog is "my space" that I like to feel like I can control (oh, the irony of feeling in control of a social networking site).  What aspect?  Well, that's not really something I can post right now.  If you know me well, chances are you can figure it out, expecially those of you who received the specific prayer request in the mail. (Did I just spell the "e" word like that?  I blame the cold.)  Let's just call it "direction."  Is that vague enough for you?

The point is, I am not in control.  God is.  In spite of my best attempts at protecting my children, there is always the risk of the bee sting, or the toddler running toward another swinging child at the park just as I turned around to listen to the other sibling. (Thank God for other parents nearby.)  Maybe I've been a bit more preoccupied with my lack of control than I thought.  I guess that makes me an "uncontrol freak."

I'm up far too early (or late, depending on your time zone/perspective).  While I would like to blame my current health, a cold which was shared by my wonderfully loving children, I'm sure it has more to do with the fact that I need to be still and know who is God.  To trust that we've been praying for something(s), and the answer(s) will come in God's time.  To not be so consumed by the unknown that I fail to truly live in the moment He has given.

"accidental" vacation


So, a couple of months ago my sister mentioned that her family would be attending a convention about 2 hours from where our parents live, then spending a few days with Mom and Dad at their new home, after a visit to Walt Disney World.  In my typical indecisive form, I thought about the idea.  Hubby's travel schedule has been kind of crazy lately, and I don't typically like to drive more than 4 hours alone with the kids.  They are good travelers, most of the time, but I get sleepy, and, well, you know.  (forgive my comma overusage and all other grammatical errors.  I have salt water on the brain.)  Finally, I decided that the kids and I needed time with Grandma and Grandpa.  But I didn't want to do Disney without my husband there.  Well, the more I thought about THAT, the more I decided I could not have Bear hearing how wonderful and magical it was from her cousin and realizing that she really could have gone too.  So when Mom and Dad/Grandma and Grandpa said they would like to go as a big group, our decision was made.  Disney was magical.  Tiring, rainy, but still magical.  Buddy was lost in wonder, Bear and J took turns being excited and crabby.

Then we tried to go to the beach with them.  Cousin J had never been to the beach before.  Ever.  We got rained out of those plans, but the girls stood in a picnic shelter with Grandma and Grandpa and saw 2 manatees swimming in the bay.

We tried to go again the next morning.  I made a stupid mistake that cost me a car door, and needless to say, we did not make it to the Beach.  (The weather was great for me niece and she got to hang out with Grandpa without us.)

We had planned to be in FL for 6 days.  Almost 1 week past our scheduled departure, we're still here.
*****
I guess I never published this.  We arrived home safely and are back to life as usual.  :)

Aren't they pretty?

Now I just need to use them!!!!  (I do have 2 big yarn projects going, plus a couple of small things.)  I bought the ribbon intending to use them in scrapbooking or for clippies....


On second thought, I just realized that 4 of the skeins are leftovers from previously completed blankets made within the past 2 years.  Maybe I'm not just a collector after all!

dreaming of authenticity

So, just before I was awakened by my boy at 5:30 this morning, I had an odd dream.  It was odd because of the characters in the dream. My family (me, my husband, and kids, a married couple, and to be honest I'm not sure that the wife is who the guy is really married to or not... I didn't know her.  I barely knew the guy in elementary school, so to have him in a dream was rather surprising. I know his name and that's about it, nothing of his character.  Yet all of a sudden he became a substitute mascot.  And the friend from high school... she was a friend who I always appreciated as someone who was true to herself.  Somewhere in the middle.  Not part of the main clique, but not an outcast by any means. And somehow, they all ended up at my house, along with my family.  The first couple essentially represented the legalistic years, the ones during which I was taught that obedience is "the very best way to show that you believe." (Feel free to sing with me if you know the song!)  One might add "no questions asked" to that definition. The other friend represented freedom in her searching, one seeking honesty above perfection.  And when they left, the couple was set in their ways, telling us what we should be doing, while the friend was still searching and not convinced that those other people had what she wanted, even if they were "right."  There were a few other details (and people) in there... but that's the gist of it.  And after I got Buddy settled back down with his sippy cup, snuggled in his big boy bed because apparently the crib won't do, I was still pondering the implications of this dream that was cut short.  Not the "why were those people in my dream," but the theme of the experience, more or less. (More to come, maybe.... but it's time to be Mommy.)

A lesson in comfort

Yet you are he who took me from the womb; 

you made me trust you at my mother's breasts.

(Psalm 22:9, ESV) 

As one whom his mother comforts,
so I will comfort you;

(Isaiah 66:13a, ESV)

Isn't it amazing that God compares himself to mothers?  We've been struggling with sleep patterns lately.  The past couple of days, my 21-month old has been fighting off nap time and bedtime with a vengeance.  I mean screaming bloody murder at the top of his lungs type of vengeance.   If Daddy or I picked him up, he would stop his screaming.  We also suspect the 2-year molars are part of the problem, and have been giving him the meds.  But those are apparently not enough.

There are times for self-soothing.  But it's interesting that the Psalmist didn't say, "you are he who took me from the womb, you made me cry it out while my mother listened from a nearby tent to teach me to survive."

Likewise, there's the verse in Isaiah.  It doesn't say when the mother comforted, or that she stopped comforting at a specific age, but clearly God expects mothers to comfort their child.  And He promised that comfort to His children.  (In spite of the number of times they had protested, turned away, thrown tantrums, or just the fact that they really needed to grow up.)

Now, I do believe there are times when a baby or toddler needs to self soothe.  But today, after days of fighting this battle and then today, breaking down into tears (in my room, where the little one couldn't see or hear me as he wailed through the walls), the theme of these verses came to mind.  And when little brat, I mean sweet but needy Buddy, who had thrown his sippy to the floor, been given his pain reliever, and been left to go to sleep for a greatly needed nap awoke after maybe 30 minutes of sleeping, decided he NEEDED Mommy, I decided that for some reason, he NEEDED me, too, and this was not just a battle of the wills.  And I held him.  And rocked him back to sleep. 
And held him for another 40 minutes until he woke up peacefully and looked at me, a sweet, smiling copy of photographs of his Daddy at the same age.  It was good for both of us.  In fact, he's grown into such a big boy that I can't remember the last time my little wrestler actually slept in my arms for even 5 minutes.  Apparently I needed to be reminded that he is still a baby, and sometimes what a baby needs most is Mama.

Friday Felicities

• Freshly cut flowers and greenery from the spirea shrubs
• A full week where my beloved came home at the end of each work day
• Homemade "starbucks:" coffee with a bit of dark chocolate syrup, whipped cream, and cinnamon in addition to the usual milk and sugar 
• Listening to the birds on the balcony (and the sound of them rustling in the chimney, which never gets used here in the warm South- At least it's good for something)
• Seeing the treetops from the balcony
• Discovering what new wildflower will bloom this week in my little balcony mystery pot
• Two healthy, fun-loving kids
• Panda Express for supper last night, on a day where I really needed to eat somewhere other than at home
• The cheerful red wall in my living room
• Dental coverage on our insurance
• My husband taking the day off so I don't have to drag little man to the dentist's office along with big sis, who is going for the first time and a little bit nervous
• An uninterrupted shower with plenty of time for shaving my legs
• Silence beyond the clicking of the keyboard
• Romans 8:1

Have a great day and a wonderful weekend!

editing history


So many professing Christians get up in arms over the re-writing of American history, yet we ignore obvious revisions of Biblical history. Or omissions.  (Or maybe we only go to church on Sunday and leave the Bible on the night stand the rest of the week.  Yeah, I'm guilty of that.)

Why is it that our Biblical heroes are often portrayed only as godly, god-fearing, etc?  Their deep flaws are often skipped over in order to coerce us into following some kind of false gospel where our salvation seems to be based on our works almost as much as it is on faith in Christ.

Every once in a while, we MIGHT catch a glimpse of their weaknesses in a sermon or two.  David and Bathsheba is often retold.  Maybe I just wasn't listening the first time I  was told how David ran from Saul into "refuge" under an enemy king, and in the process of saving his own skin, he became a traitor to his people, killing women and children to make the bad dude respect him.  (see I Samuel 27:1-28:2) Yeah, I missed that.  Until last Sunday.  It turns out that David's not-so-little affair was not his first wicked act.  Who knew? Could it be that the hard truths of that passage were skipped over because they did not serve a teacher's purpose? Ouch!  Or maybe my mind just blocked them out.

The good news is not that David was a man after God's own heart so he could get away with doing whatever he wanted.  Somewhere along the road, he repented and sought God.  And God used Him in a mighty way.  God was faithful, period.  And He loved David.  Not because of what his child did or did not do, but because he was His child.

So, if God loved David so much that he used Him anyway, shouldn't we, out of gratefulness for his mercy in our own lives, extend forgiveness to those who "don't deserve it?"

Just mulling things over, in hope that God will help me listen to His heart instead of my own.

 

Look closely.  Bear wanted to put her rose from our trip in the park with the tulips that came today.  The stem was not long enough.  So she set the bud vase next to the big vase so they could be together.

The hardest part about hubby's "new" job is the time it takes him away from home.  These arrived today, the first day of this week's absence.  They helped a little.

happy mail :)

A while ago, I won a drawing on another blog and forgot about it.  Last week, I received an e-mail from Carolyn, verifying my address.  My package came today!  Not only that, she threw in an extra bit of somethings... scrapping somethings, to be specific.  A cute little make n' take complete with bits of fabric, buttons, some chalk AND rub-ons.  Now I really need to get back to scrapping!

The original prize was fun, too.  Something only a Mom of littles could truly appreciate, but still fun. A bright (Tennessee) orange basket overflowing with some  Boogie Wipes,  a "Boogie Babe" onesie, and a "Boogie Mama" T-shirt.  Bear loves the wipes, and apparently Buddy does, too, because he keeps wiping his face with the one I just used to wipe his boogers.


Thank you, Carolyn, the Scrapping Servant!

losing it

My metabolism, that is.  I weigh more now than I did when I got pregnant with either of my children.  I want to lose 20 lbs. The question is, how badly?  I've blogged about this before... the whole exercise/weight loss/fitness/health realm.  And while there may have been a time in my life when I was referred to as "chicken legs," and there might also have been a time when I could have eaten whatever I wanted to without gaining much weight, that time has obviously come to an end.


Hubby doesn't seem to mind the few extra curves.  MY problem with my physique is that a lot of the weight settles at my tummy, and other areas I'd like to expand don't balance it out enough.  And when someone asked me if I was expecting, too, I knew it was time to bring back the motivation, somehow.

I picked up a copy of the Jillian Michael's 30 day Shred DVD last week. I had been scoping it out, and the price was right. Happy Mother's Day to me.  To be honest, while I like the Wii Fit and Wii active, I was getting sick of cartoon-like characters telling me what to do. I'm not sure if it will be any easier with Jillian Michaels leading the way, but at least she has "adaptations" for those of us who are weaker.  I just wish the modifications were shown by someone whose body resembles mine a little more.... not the flat-ab chick without an inch of bounce in her flesh.

Day 1 down.
20 lbs. to lose


How long will it take?
 

Spring Road Trip Part 2..

Well, really, part 3. I already covered the first 2 major locations.  The last leg of the trip was to head back South via Louisville, stopping to visit my brother, his wife and my adorable nephew.  A week ago Friday, we left Gramma's farm.  Thursday night, per her usual courtesy, she asked what time we wanted breakfast.  We hesitantly decided on 7 a.m., and changed our request to 7:30.  Apparently she didn't hear the change.  And she runs ahead of schedule half the time, so at 6:38 we heard, "yoo-hoo!  It's time for breakfast!"  This actually worked out fine, enabled us to not have to hurry quite so much.

The drive from WI to L-ville went really smoothly until we stopped for supper about an hour or so north of our destination.  Note to self:  just go the rest of the way, and figure out what your starving body wants when you get there.  The irony was that we (hubby and I) were not really that hungry, but the kiddos said they were.  I now realize they were just stir-crazy.  And that meant crazy at the restaurant.

So we arrived at big brother's house (er, older, I am pretty sure I am officially larger than he is now, though I have not asked him his weight).  Sweet nephew was already in bed, but it was good to see the adults and let the kiddos reacquaint themselves with their aunt and uncle.  And then we realized Buddy was a little warm.

And here's where the proof of my character comes in.  The next day, Buddy awoke still a little warm.  It was Derby Day, raining (so no trip to a park or the zoo as we had hoped for), and instead of keeping my feverish child (who otherwise acts 100% normal and exhibited no other symptoms), all of us headed out to a local indoor playground/bounce house/mini golf/arcade place.  Yep.  It just wasn't fair to contaminate my nephew, why not share the germs with the whole city? We couldn't stay in a hotel, they were all booked thanks to the horse race, I'm sure.  And beside, sweet nephew had already been exposed.

We went, bounced, climbed, and had a good time.  Returned home and ate some lunch.  Put Buddy down for a nap, then hubby and I headed out to do a little exploring of the area on our own while the cute baby boys napped.  Bear watched videos and played. 

The drive was a nice break, in spite of the fact that we'd been driving all week.  Just me and hubby for once.  Tranquility.  And rain.  A dear friend called my cell, and I didn't answer.  I figured I could call her back later.  She called again 10 minutes later... I checked my messages.  Apparently she was stranded in my old shopping grounds near Nashville, desperate for a way home.  By God's grace, we got her to the interstate without drowning herself or her car's engine, and I felt guilty for not answering first.  Especially when I saw the news reports and Facebook status updates online that night.  Oops.  And when I called to tell sis in law we were coming home, she said buddy was still asleep.  He takes long naps, but that was crazy.  Sure enough, she called back after waking him up and he had a high fever.  I think higher than he's ever had.

I had hoped to go to church with brother and fam before heading home on Sunday.  That didn't happen, between Buddy's temp and thinking matters over.  The normal route home was closed due to flooding, so we decided to head East and then South.  It actually only added 30 miles, but we also remembered that hubby had a flat tire to get fixed first thing on Monday so he could get to work on Tuesday.  Yeah.  So we hit the road.  In the rain.  So a couple of wrecks, including a tractor trailer off the road (thankfully not tipped in the middle of the road, so we were able to get by.)


So we headed home Sunday morning (after enjoying more of sis in law's yummy coffee cake that she MADE), feverish baby boy..... opted not to visit Caslon and her fam on the way, with the feverish boy and all.  And I think we were just ready to be HOME.  The next morning, hubby got his tire fixed (but he got a screw in the new tire later this week and had to get it patched already.)  We also took Buddy to the pediatrician and discovered one ear was infected, the other not quite, but almost.... so he's on antibiotics.  Sometimes I think I've probably missed other infections because my kids behave so normally, even when they have any signs of illness.

And that, my friends, was the rest of our journey.

Now I'm ready for another vacation.  Oh, wait, I had that last month but never blogged about it.

Spring Road Trip 2010

So, our journey began with the decision to head out Friday night instead of Saturday morning to beat the weather forecast.  Little did we know that the next weekend would be the treacherous flood of Nashville, 2010.  But I jump ahead.

Traveling with kids is not simple.  I've been asked we don't just fly the 16 hours to WI to see Great Grandma.  Seriously?  And pay all those extra fees for all the extra baggage/car seats/ etc.?  Then to go through the hassle of renting a mini van?  Not to mention putting up with those ever-savvy self-righteous frequent flyers who look at you in disdain because you can't "control your children."  Um, no thanks.  We opted for me to go to Seattle alone for my cousin's wedding last month, and while I do wish my kids could have met that part of the family, I enjoyed the VACATION immensely.   Anyhoo, we've been taking long trips with the kids since they were newborns, and thank God we have family en route to the furthest destination.

First stop: Indianapolis suburb.   Arrival time: approximately 6:00 a.m.  Brother in law had an early-morning coffee date (is it a date for guys-probably just a meeting), so really, the timing was pretty good.  The kiddos slept were good, traffic was good, and we made it out of TN/KY ahead of the storms that hit Saturday.  We hung out with crt, computer guy, e, & m and had a wonderful time.  Not counting Hannah's fear of the cat (she thinks she is evil).  Ironically, Queenie, the big pup, doesn't scare her much.  The girls "slumber" partied in one bedroom, playing leapster while crt tried to read them a bedtime story.  It's so much fun to see my kiddos and their cousins play together!  The girls were also great with Brandon, watching out for him as needed, letting him try to keep up.  And when we visited the new church they are going to, we liked it better than the previous one they attended.  School cafeteria Sunday school for the kiddos and choir room nursery and all. 

2nd leg: WI
When we first moved to TN, I laughed at the presence of FFA (Future Farmers of America) and how the guys drove tractors to school on the last day.  I thought Spring Hill, TN was rural.  It was, then, but a lot has changed.  Well, the area where hubby grew up is far more rural than that.  Farming is a way of life, not just an occupation that a few people share.  Great Grandma's farmhouse, where Tech Mom grew up, was built circa 1908.    The house hubby's cousin rents was built in 1905.

We arrived just in time for supper Monday night... Gramma's Spatzlein (German dumplings) with roast beef and gravy.  (She's great Grandma to the kiddos, Gramma to us, and I can't help but interchange them.  Kinda like my Mom calling the cat my name all those years, I guess.)


Hubby's Gramma is the only living grandparent we have left.  Fortunately, she's surrounded by extended family... sister, brother, nieces, nephews, and all the great-grands.  Except her own daughter, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.  I'm thankful she has her community, and her church and relatives do really seem to take care of her (and eachother).  I am so glad that Bear is at a point that she remembers the farm, WI, and most importantly her Great Gramma because we have either visited her home or she has come down to see us and the rest of hubby's siblings and parents at major holidays.  She'll turn 90 years old in August. 

My last set of great grandparents was 94 or 95 when they died, I barely remember them.  We visited their house in the Bronx, one visit they knew who I was, the next they did not, and shortly after that....  One of my grandmothers died in 89, then we had a few years in the late 90's and early 2000's where we lost all except Great Gram.  Hubby grew up near his grandparents, celebrating birthdays and holidays with them.  My visits to my own were fewer and farther between.  But Grandma V, my Dad's Mom, always made our trips to NY special.  In addition to cooking her meals for the family (I can almost still smell them), she showed us around the big city and it's tourist attractions. The Statue of Liberty, Bronx Zoo, World Trade Center, and of course, just taking the subway.  Grandpa RJ, my Mom's Dad, took us on a tugboat ride on the Hudson, sailed with us on Long Island Sound, and made sure we had tickets over to Ellis Island during one of our final trips. 

While our only Gramma left on earth has a much less busy environment, it's strangely novel and even exciting to this suburban girl.  My kiddos love the cows. (After 30+ years of life I actually saw where the term "bullheaded" comes from when the lone bull in the cowyard seemed intimidated by my toddler son.  It stomped and snorted, sending the manure/dirt mixture up over its head and back.  Only Buddy received that "welcome.")  My old flower beds host plants from her yard.  Bear loves to pick asparagus for dinner... from the flower bed.  Buddy mastered the art of mooing.  He also seemed particularly interested in the ventilation grate at the bottom of the steps... the one his Daddy played INSIDE when he was his son's age, but has since been secured to the floor.  We've made a tradition out of going to the cheese factory in the morel mushroom capital of the world (10 minutes from Gramma's farm) and picking up some fresh cheese to bring home with us.

Tuesday, I rode like a Mexican in the back of our SUV(it's not a 3-seater, bummer) to hubby's cousin's farm about an hour and a half away. (And I have ridden in the back of a pickup truck as well as some sort of cattle or delivery truck in Mexico, so I can say that without prejudice.) Buddy and their baby boy are about 6 weeks apart in age, and his cousin and I e-mail each other.  We've shared pregnancies, a miscarriage each, and if I ever have a vegetable garden, I know who I will ask for tips. She cans a lot of the food they eat.  She milked cows on the farm during her pregnancy with her son, but they've since bought a robotic milking system that is something to see.  I will admit I have issues stemming from my breastfeeding struggles (and pumping).  I'd like to say I'll try to nurse again, but I may not.  I take things too seriously, I suppose.  Anyway, those poor cows.... that machine was like the biggest Medela or Ameda ever.  I loved the computer room (where they monitor projected and actual yield, among other things), which had been painted white with black cow spots.  How cute.)  Of course, it's their job to supply milk for us, and given the fact that another cousin just had a leg fractured in 3 places while milking, I'm beginning to think that the expensive investment was worth it just for the safety of the farmers.  Buddy and S played side by side, an uncanny hint of family expressions shared here and there, Bear and Buddy loved on Spice the kitty.  Hubby's cousin and her husband were gracious hosts, and Gramma seemed to enjoy the visit as well.  She even wore her hearing aid, so conversation flowed much more easily.


We spent Wednesday relaxing and hanging out with Grandma at home.  I did a bit of laundry in her brand new washing machine (but still had to go down the treacherous steps to the basement to use the drier.  Can't bring myself to hang the clothes on the line with the smell of manure so close.  That's a whole different kind of fresh air.)  Then of course, we went to prayer meeting on Wednesday night.  And of co urse, Buddy and I ended up in the nursery.  Many of hubby's 2nd cousins go there, and one of the non-relative girls in the nursery figured out that I was visiting and also that I was somehow related to the other Mom.  That was fun to explain.  When Bear came up from her class in the basement, her "cousin" whose class she was in asked if she can come back.  I almost cried telling her it would be a long time until we return (our last visit was just under a year ago).  Not because I think I would live there (though the Spring-like weather in the mid 60's was a welcome change to our 80's in April in the South), but because, despite our differences, our visits through the years really have brought that place to feel like another home in its own way.  Just as I used to know how to get from Grandpa and Grandma V's in Yonkers to the mall or the seminary a few blocks away, or how I knew when we approached our cousins in Grove City, or the excitement hit when we reached Route 6A on the Cape to visit my family, there's something about hitting the beltline in Madison, passing the Lands End HQ in Dodgeville, and turning onto Tower Rd. that feels like returning home.

Thursday was the whirlwind "catch whomever we can" day.  We visited hubby's aunt D and cousin M.  M is the one whose leg was crushed by a cow during milking two weeks ago, otherwise he would have been
out working.  We chatted with them for a couple of hours before heading toward Madison to visit a friend and fellow blogger.

Our boys were playing in the living room, the girls were upstairs playing dress-up, or so we thought.  I went up to make sure Bear used the restroom and found a mess.  That was not much of a surprise, but what followed was.

The girl who we were visiting held up a small net and exclaimed, "Look, I caught a fish!"   It was then that I noticed both girls were hovered over a large fishbowl on the nightstand.  And their clothes were wet.  "Let's put the fish back in the water.  It needs to stay wet so it won't die," I said.  "Oh!"
I called for our friend to come join me in her daughter's room.  And we found that while the fish had been removed from its home, other things had been added... my girl's socks.  Some loose change.  An 8 1/2 x 11" sheet of paper, a large plastic gem ("diamond" according to our princesses).

I couldn't help but laugh.  Bear hasn't been around fish tanks before, though I wrongly assumed she knew that fish had to stay immersed in order to live.  I felt bad that she was involved in the Madison Goldfish Massacre, but I was also glad they had fun playing together, and I don't THINK anything was permanently ruined.  Well, other than the dead goldfish that did not revive after it was put back in the water, or the one left missing.

So, we moved the fun outside, where the kids played in the fresh air and we were able to sample some delicious pan fried morels picked from their family's farm out in the country.

Thursday night... we hung out with Great Gram, and one of Tech Mom's best friends from her childhood came by to see the kiddos.  "It's a little J and little L!" she exclaimed.

Friday.... on the road again.  But I must finish this later as I've neglected my kiddos this morning.

Bear's recap of the day to Daddy:

"We had rockamoley and chips and cheese and Mommy lost her temperature."

Nothin' like a little perspective at days' end.  She also went on to tell him that I apologized for losing my "temperature," and as I tucked her in tonight (for the 2nd time), we prayed that she would be more cooperative and Mommy would be more patient.  And sealed our agreement with a "deal."

 Parenting brings out the best and the worst in me. (I'm sure it does for everyone.)  Those who don't know me well might never guess that I have a temper.  I am the one with the history of breaking out in tears at work when overstressed, I  typically avoid confrontation.  With family, well, it's another story.  The guard is down, and my dark side shines through.  Sometimes glaringly.

While Buddy naps, I've been trying to have Bear do a little school time in her workbooks.  Writing letters, coloring, practice with shapes, counting, etc.... She has the attention span of a 4 year old, and well, I am not used to that. Even my former high school students focused, listened, and followed directions better.  Sometimes. The thought has crossed my mind that it was easier to teach the 5 and 6 year olds at the tutoring center than it is to teach my own daughter, and I wonder why.  But then I remind myself that she is already ahead of where some of them were (matching initial consonant sounds in words), and she still has a year before she goes to Kindergarten.  And I'm also more confident in my decision to go ahead and put her in a 3 day a week pre-k program at one of the local churches.  

my procrastinaholicism reached a new low

One might think I exaggerate how badly I tend to put things off.  I don't.  If you don't believe me, this will convince you.

The missing referral my sis mentioned in her recent blog post?   Mine.  I got the letter in early February.

Anything that looks like a big project makes me freak.  Housework, for instance.  I wonder how much it would cost a professional organizer to come help my purge and sort this place and the storage unit.  Hubby is sick of stubbing his toes on the kids toys in the living room.  (I say we need a bigger living room.) 

Yeah, well, for once my irrational nadaphobia (my word for fear of nothing) impacted someone else more than myself. She's accepted my apology.  (In her words, she "knows how I roll.")  The referral is in the mail, the other missing links in their adoption process are being filled in, and soon they will be one step closer to having a brother or sister for my niece, J.

It's not even that I didn't want to do it, I was honored to be asked.  Let's just say that I'm glad I'm not the one going through a psych eval right now.
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Geez... that'll teach me not to talk about the 2 books I'm reading simultaneously.  Much less compare and contrast.

I reread a previous post and realized that I wrote something totally different than I meant to.  Thank blogger for the edit option.

my Mii is not my friend right now

Up 7.7 lbs in 39 days.  I blame it on the Easter Bunny and my trip to Seattle.  ;-P  Hubby is home this week, so it looks like I will try to make it to the exercise room.

Only 8 more pieces of Easter chocolate left.... for all of us.