quest for gas

There's one type of gas that is far too prolific in our home. But the fuel shortage is what has our area going completely insane this weekend. I waited 15 minutes in line to top off my tank yesterday, as our other car is almost empty so hubby will drive the SUV to work until gas stations have supplies again. Here's a pic of the view I had from my spot on the road. I just happened to have my camera with me thanks to the baby shower:

Cardboard Testimonies

A friend e-mailed this to me, and I had to post it:

I never thought I'd say this...

...but breastfeeding is harder than having a baby without the epidural. Maybe not physically, but emotionally it's WAY harder. Because when you think your child has eaten well, and then he or she hasn't, you feel like you have done something wrong, even when there is nothing else you could do.

We've made it almost 3 weeks. Hubby goes back to work tomorrow, which will be the test. My resolve is pretty low at this point. I take that back. My resolve to be a good Mom is stronger than ever. My conviction that breastfeeding is always best, not so much. In the grand scheme of things, the struggles I have dealt with in trying to nurse both of my kids are minor. They pale in comparison to what many of my friends have gone through with preemies and health problems related to pregnancy. I am blessed with a perfectly healthy daughter who thrived on formula after struggling with nursing. Our son is thriving on breastmilk, but I have chosen to pump and bottle feed after way too many extended nursing sessions which ended only to leave him unsatisfied. Maybe he'll grow into it, maybe not... but I was not about to let him start losing weight in the process, and he made it clear he was still hungry.

It's a challenge, because I would prefer to nurse than pump. period. But what's the point if he's hungry 5 minutes later? I know some might not agree with my choice, I also know that God gave each Mother instincts, and there are times that only the Mom can know what is best. Thankfully, this time we have had some sweet nursing sessions, not the latching struggles that I had with my first. However things turn out, I will be at peace with the journey, even though way was hard.

Wordless Wednesday: Portraits
Taken Saturday, August 26th at our home.

If you live near Chattanooga, TN/North GA and need a photographer,
I highly recommend Dotson Studios!

Ahh...

That's a sigh of relief. It's been a full hour since we completed a nursing session, and Little Guy is still asleep. He's got to be going through a growth spurt or something, because the past 2 days he has forced me to spend much more time sitting than doing anything else. I don't mind the cuddling; but when he is hungry 10 or 15 minutes later after nursing for a LONG time, it gets frustrating. Oh, well, we'll get through it one way or another.

Hubby is a great Daddy. He has been so good with Bear, making sure she gets to do some special things like paint pictures with him. (He said his paintings are about the same as they were in 3rd or 4th grade).

One of my biggest concerns as Little Guy's birth approached was that PPD would kick in. Oh, I've had a few hormonal mood swings and frustrations already mentioned, but I am thankful that the Lord has sustained me, and given me true joy through the journey this time. The first few weeks of Bear's life were shrouded in a fog of uncertainty, fear, worry about her lack of weight gain, and loneliness due to my partner being far away. As much as I tried not to let that fog consume me, it did. If it weren't for family and friends whom the Lord sent to walk beside me, I really don't think I would have survived. Oh, the family time we've had together since then made the sacrifice worth it, but that does not change the difficulty of the cumulative factors. And I wish I had recognized how deep my struggles were during that time frame, because I'm sure some medication would have been good for me.

Anyway, the journey into life with two kids is much more joyful so far. I love it. I love my husband and my children even more than I could have ever imagined. The way Bear dotes on her baby brother makes me smile; she is so mothering. (And sometimes smothering, we have to keep an eye on her.)

God has been good. He truly is our Sustainer, Creator and Prince of Peace. And every time Bear sees a cross (and sometimes plus sings), she reminds us, "Jesus died on the cross for our sins!" I can't wait to see her tender heart draw nearer to Him as she grows up.

2 weeks ago today & an update
(our birth story)

(fyi DH= Dear Hubby)

Let's see here... backtrack...

Early Tuesday morning I woke up to pee at 3:30. Couldn't get back to sleep, so I got online for a bit. I ate a nutty bar and had a glass of milk. Had to pee again, and was constipated, so I decided to drink some prune juice, that was about 5 a.m. I went back to bed, and shortly afterward, contractions began. It was a little after 6, I think. But I wasn't sure if they were contractions or indigestion from the juice. I got up to go to the bathroom and felt a small gush, similar to the one I had felt the night before. Except this time, the gush was followed by more liquidy trickle and not just mucous. And gradually, each time I went to the bathroom, there was a teensy bit of pink mixed in. Around 6:30 a.m. I decided to call my doula and my parents. Mom and Dad arrived about 7:15, and we told our doula to meet us at the hospital. When we left the house, my contractions were 12-15 minutes apart, but I knew I was GBS+ and needed to get on the IV since my water had broken. Of course, we hit traffic, but we kept reminding ourselves how much worse it would be if we had been going north into the city (I delivered at a smaller county hospital, but it has a level II NICU.) Sure enough, once we hit the interstate, we were cruising for 5 minutes til we hit the exit, then we were there. Good thing, too... because let's just say the prune juice worked. Way too well. But I was contracting at ready to meet my baby and did not care too much to be utterly humiliated. (The denim, almost brand new capris did end up in the trash, though.)
By the time I got to my room and the IV was in, it was 8:30. They put me on fluids and the penicillin, as well as zofran for nausea (I have a bad gag reflex normally, so the onset of nausea came as no surprise to me), and told me I could only have ice chips. I HAD to rinse my mouth after being nauseous (I have a bad gag reflex anyway, and it kicked in as the contractions got worse), I also snuck sips of water. I knew I was not planning on the epidural, even though I did sign the forms just in case. At this point the contractions were about 5 minutes apart. My doula was coming down from the downtown area, and had not arrived yet, but hubby was doing well and they were manageable. However, when she did arrive, I was so relieved to see her. (Honestly, I was still a little apprehensive about having an almost-stranger who I had met twice before attend my birth, but I knew from talking to friends that the extra support would be helpful. I knew she knew what my goals were and respected them, I liked her, I just felt a little odd having a non family member and non nurse present. Little did I know how much I would come to value her support!....)

The nurse checked me when I got there, I was about 3-4 cm, but about an hour and a half later I was already up to a 7. At that point, I had a burst of confidence. It was hard, but DH and Heather were helping me stay calm and focused, telling me I was doing a great job and could do it. Shortly after this, it got REALLY, hard. Really painful, and burning pain. My hips were killing me, and DH and Heather each massaged one, my lower back, or my neck as I requested it. I was sitting upright, the bed was set so it was kind of a modified sitting/squatting, and I gripped DH's hand for dear life and my doula's, too. One of the nurses came in from the nursery to have me sign something, and as I was working through a contraction, she also encouraged me. It turns out, in her 20 yrs of nursing experience, she was a labor coach. She encouraged me to try to relax my grip as I breathed, and use lower tones instead of screams. (My doula had tried telling me this, don't know why it took another person for it to kick into my brain.)
At this point, I also began closing my eyes and doing neck rolls back and forth, that helped me relax. I also found that pelvic circles helped in between contractions. The pain was so intense, changing positions was really hard for me, so I stayed pretty much in the same position that whole time.
I had begun to give up, and told DH and Heather I wanted to ask about my options when the nurse came back in. When she came back, she checked me first, and I was at 8 cm, but she said she could stretch it to a 9 if I wanted. Um, of course! And I knew by the time the meds got there, they wouldn't kick in until after the baby came out, so we were going for it.
It was really hard. I cussed a lot (at least I am honest), prayed a lot, moaned a lot. I stated aloud, "This is better for my baby." My OBs and nurses never once questioned my goal of an NCB through the whole process. to the point that they did not even strip my membranes when I had gone in on Monday and found out that my water had not broken. During labor, when it got really bad, my support team reminded me that NCB is only better if I could stay relaxed and helped me focus my breathing.
As I hit transition, it was awful. My doula suggested I change positions and try side-lying, and even though it hurt even more, it was just what Brandon needed. The nurses were prepping the tables and tools, OB prepping with her gloves, and I knew the time was coming (they had been in and out doing their things, monitoring me and my fluids and BP, throughout, my DH and doula were the only ones there the whole time)
I can't really describe the pain. By the time I was able to push, I was lacking the strength, and gripping my husband's biceps for dear life. I had to let go and grip the handles on the bed.
The really cool part in the midst of the pain was that though I could not control the pain, I did not feel out of control in the same way I had when I had been medicated with DD. It was a different lack of control, but I kept reminding myself of the purpose.
I was almost scared to push when it was really time, and my team coached me when to breath, hold breaths, push, etc. I pushed for about 20 minutes, through 4 or5 sets of contractions, and his head made it out. Then his shoulders.
I got to hold my little guy immediately, all slimy and gorgeous. He was blue, which scared me, but his apgars were still 8/9, and he was alert, etc..
He weighed in at 8 lbs 9 oz, 21 inches long, 14 cm head circumference, at 12:17 p.m.
He is perfect. His head is perfect.

I have felt so much better physically than after DD was born. Still tired, of course, but not as sore, and am bleeding less. I don't feel like I am in the medicated fog that I was after DD's birth, and am so glad I tried to go natural and basically did, except for the fluids and antibiotic.
Would I do it again? I would like to say yes, but I will say, "I hope so." It was intensely difficult, and fortunately I had a quick labor, relatively speaking. I don't know that I could have done it with a longer labor. I am fortunate in that there was no need for extra interventions, my BP stayed good, baby's heartbeat was good, etc. And when the lead anesthesiologist came in to ask how I was recovering from the epidural (since I had signed the paperwork, I was on his list), I was able to laugh and ask and tell him I managed without it.

***

I'd like to say that nursing is going perfectly, but alas there are some physiological difficulties and my baby's mouth just needs to be a bit bigger for his suck to be more effective. Plus he nurses well for 5 minutes, then turns into a sleepyhead. So it's a struggle, but we're still giving it our best. My goal is to make it through the first month... sometimes it's just day by day. When hubby goes back to work, I doubt I will be able to nurse him for 1 1/2 to 2 hours almost straight and be the Mommy that our daughter needs, so he'd better pick up the pace.... I refuse to stress out like I did with Bear, and don't have it in me to consult various experts every other day for suggestions. Baby has to eat, period. And when he goes to kindergarten, they won't ask how he was fed as a newborn.

I stole this from Zann's private blog. It holds true for anxious second time moms as well....


To A First Time Mother
by Helen Rittell

Relax, my dear, your little elf
Is just an amateur herself.
So if your hands, so newly filled
Seem somewhat less than skilled,
Relax, I say. This little pinkling
Doesn't have the slightest inkling
That you are new to baby lore.
She's never had a mom before.

Sigh

I've got a another slow nurser/weak sucker on my hands. He is perfect in every other way, and he latches far better than Bear ever did. But if he doesn't speed up, I'm a bit worried he won't get enough or build supply. I can't nurse for 2 hours at a time every time.... at least not after hubby goes back to work. And he hates trying to nurse after I've pumped. It's a vicious cycle.

A Public Service Announcement

Now that he's made his appearance, I plan to post Little Guy's updates on my kid-centered blog (Hannah Bear's Cave), and eventually return to posting some of my mind's random ramblings, er... wanderings... on this one. You can also find me on FB (e-mail me if you want to befriend me there).

balloons from Granwendy & Grandaddy

We have been incredibly blessed by support from family and friends, even since before Little Guy made his appearance. My parents took care of Bear on Monday and Tuesday. We had several visitors at the hospital, but not too many. Upon arrival home, a friend from church brought a meal, and the next day our next door neighbors brought over a crock pot full of pulled pork (BBQ here in the south) as well as a tray full to freeze for later. Bear's friends came to meet her little brother (their mom brought us drinks from Sonic while we were still in the hospital- yummy lemon berry slush!) And Tech Mom and Dad, Caslon & Camera Guy were here until this morning. They took great care of us, and gave Bear the extra attention I am not able to give her just yet.

flowers from hubby

Overall, recovery has been easier so far than after Bear's birth. Oh, I am still exhausted. That won't change for about 18 years, I suspect. Little Guy is nursing better than his sister ever did, though I am still a bit anxious about weight gain, etc. Trying to relax. That's my biggest concern right now. (Yes, i did see a Lactation Consultant before I left the hospital.) He had dropped less than 8% of his birth weigh the morning we went home, considering he fasted after the circumcision, that's not too bad. But of course, I can't help but worry a bit. So pray for peace for Mama, lots of milk for baby, etc...

sweet feet

Home....

no play by plays like you are used to. :) we're doing well, tired of course. Brandon, aka "big shooter" as his daddy calls him and "squeaker" as i have dubbed him, is napping.
he is absolutely precious! last night was a making up for not eating night, so i am going to try to get some rest myself before he wakes up.

zann, i was already almost 3 cm at my last checkup, and by the time i was giving in to the fatigue and pain, it was too late... the epidural would have kicked in after the birth! i am still shocked that we made it through, and thankful. God definitely gave me the desire to try to deliver without the epidural (i did have to have iv meds for GBS+ and fluids, though). I am sure a longer labor would have been too much for me to take... when we left the house around 7-ish the contractions were 12-15 minutes apart, and my body kicked into full speed. I was barely on the IV for the amount of time they want the baby to get the medicine before delivery.

Hubby says next time we can hire 2 doulas, someone help me hold him to that, LOL! (If there is a next time, no rush here....)

Thank you!

Thanks for all your prayers and well-wishes! My Dad brought his laptop to the hospital tonight, so I am able to check comments. I'm sorry I don't have time to respond to everyone individually.

I am very tired, but things are going well overall. Becca summarized things very well. Our little guy is precious. He has been a sleepy-head today, not nursing quite as much, but I'm told that is normal following "boy surgery."

I thought I would share today's quips:

The anesthesiologist came in to check on me. "You're doing well? No back pain from the epidural?" he asked. "I feel great, I didn't actually get the epidural." Apparently I was on his list since I had signed the consent forms just in case. He congratulated me and and moved on to the next patient. I did tell him that by the time I had decided to ask for it I Was already dilated to 8cm and figured it wouldn't kick in in time to help. And I am very glad, still a little shocked, that I was able to make it through. I am normally a wimp with very little tolerance for pain, but with an awesome support team including my beloved. And if you have seen the business of being born, do not let it scare you into thinking all hospitals are unsupportive of goals for natural childbirth. If you make up your mind to try it, your doctors and nurses may just surprise you... especially if you bring a supportive spouse and doula along for the ride.

We let Hannah hold her little brother in the hospital bed, with pillow support, of course. She lifted up her shirt with the hand that was not around her brother, and stated, "I feed Brandon milk from my breasts."

Let the adventures in parenting two begin...

Lauren and baby Brandon are doing great! He is soooo cute (perhaps Aunt Becca is a little bit partial). He's an adorable little munk-a-chunk with the most perfectly round head that I've ever seen from a regular delivery. He doesn't have as much hair as Hannah did... he has most of his hair in the mullet area :) His hair looked sort of wavy on top a lot like Hannah's, so we'll see if he ends up with curly hair as well. Brandon is pretty laid back thus far and if the first few hours of his life are any indication, he may turn out to be an "easy" baby.
Joel did a great job coaching Lauren through her all natural child birth, along with the help of a doula. Lauren said that it was VERY hard, but very worth it. Although, she is pretty certain that if the labor lasted too much longer she wouldn't have been able to continue. I can certainly tell a difference between this recovery and the last one. When I (Becca) visited she was practically bouncing off the wall happy. Well, as much as a woman who just gave birth can be. She was so relaxed and able to get around well. Brandon is already eating and pooping like a champ! Hannah is already a very loving big sister.

Without further ado, here are some pics of the bouncing baby boy! GranWendy and I are staying the night with Hannah tonight, so these are the unedited photos. Hopefully I'll be able to share some better pics soon, but this will at least give you an idea. Enjoy!
P.S.- If Brandon looks mad in some pics, it's because he was getting a bath :)






















What's the big deal with that bright light?


(video to follow)...

brandon john arrived this afternoon at 12:18pm!
he weighed in at a healthy 8 lbs. 9oz and measured 21inches.
mom and baby are resting comfortably.
i've not spoken to wandering heart, but i'm sure she appreciates your prayers and well-wishes!

he's on his way...
a wandering heart went to the hospital about an hour ago.
please pray all goes as planned!

happy mcfamily and i will keep you posted

Silly Six Meme

I have been tagged by Kristi.

The rules are:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Mention the rules.
3. Tell six unspectacular quirks of yours.
4. Tag six bloggers by linking.
5. Leave a comment for each blogger.

OK, here goes:

1. I have a harmonica collection of about 15. I don't play any of them well. When I was in 5th grade, my parent bought me a harmonica because I liked playing my Grandpa's so well when we would visit him in NY. A neighbor's Uncle Ed came to visit and heard/saw me sitting on the front porch playing my harmonica (bet the neighbors loved that), and he sent me his collection. He died of cancer shortly after that. Conincidentally, Uncle Ed was from the Pacific Northwest, the same region where several of my blogging buddies reside.

2. I would rather do yard work than keep my house clean. Under normal circumstances. This far along in pregnancy, I am not up to either, though I have at least made myself keep up with laundry and dishes.

3. I am usually pretty laid back, but don't you dare mess up my everyday silverware drawer. It will drive me nuts until I can fix it. I've begun to notice since MIL came to help me "nest" that there are other certain things that must now be in their respective correct places. But the average person would never notice them. (She sorted my towels by color, I prefer to organize them by size and then color. For example, she had blue hand towels and washcloths in a stack with the bath towels. Well, I use them all at different rates, so for me it makes more sense to stack them according to towel type so the wash cloths and hand towels don't get lost in the stacks. I never realized that would bother me so much, considering how when I grew up we were just lucky if the linens didn't fall out of the closet onto us.)

4. I collect digital photos. On my computer. I do not print them out often enough.

5. I am addicted to Facebook. I have re-connected with a couple of people from elementary school, middle school, and cousins who I would not normally recognize if I passed them on a street thanks to FB. I'm getting to know more recently made friends better, too.

6. I find myself using phrases my Mom still uses with me when talking with my little girl. "I'm so glad your my daughter." One of Bear's favorite lullabies is a rendition of one Mom sang to us as kids. Pretty soon, as she starts gaining responsibilities, I'm sure, "I don't expect perfection, but appreciate the effort!" will be added to the list.
****

Okay, I played along. Now this little guy needs to come OUT! Seriously. I had some contractions after my last post, went to sleep, and they stopped. We're going on 41 weeks here. I can't imagine how people who gain TONS of weight manage... I'm approaching 30 lbs, and that's more than enough for me!

I tag Becca, Caslon, Becky, Jenn, Steph in TX, and Emily D.

good golly, miss molly

doc wasn't joking when she said there was lots of mucous. it decided to dislodge itself. i think my body is definitely getting ready... the question is, how long will the getting itself ready take?

no contractions since before dinner...

false alarm
(potentially tmi)

I woke up at 3 am to pee and felt extra moist. Went to the doctor, nothing more than my body prepping for the big event. It was not the extremely slow leak I had hoped it was.

Dilation is about the same (between 2 and 3), effacement has continued to 70-80%. So progress has been made.

My belly feels like a watermelon.

Still sporadic contractions, but nothing consistent, though talking on the phone tends to set them into gear. Too bad I don't feel like talking all the time!!!

So we're waiting until Wednesday for the NST and u/s. At that point, if Little Guy still hasn't decided to leave his cozy home, I will most likely request an induction for Thursday or Friday. I went into this trimester hoping to be able to find out what it's like for my body to start labor naturally. And the OB who was on call today respects that. She sympathetically yet flat out told me that there is no medical reason to induce at this point, when my body is showing signs that it is prepping for the big event. (Though they would do it if I asked them to.) So we're giving it a couple of more days, and praying, as we have every day for a week or so, that today is the big day. ;-) This doc also induced her first one and waited to go into labor on her own for the 2nd, so she obviously understands the emotional aspect of wanting to let how God designed us take it's course when it is possible. And she comforted me by saying that at the very end she was going crazy wondering, and she is a physician who sees women go through it all the time. God knew who needed to be on call today.

I took a good nap this afternoon and have a homemade chicken pot pie in the oven. I figured the heat from the oven could bring on contractions! (The crusts are the roll out kind, don't think I'm too insane.)

It's been a good day, overall.

So far, baby is still baking. But that's ok, he'll come when he's ready, or be evicted no later than Friday, I am sure. I felt loved by my church family, loved by my parents, hubby and daughter, and all those who called to wish me happy birthday and find out if Little Guy seemed any closer to making his appearance.

Little Guy danced in my womb during the worship service, and that is one of my favorite parts of pregnancy. We sang one of my all-time favorite hymns, "The Solid Rock."

If he comes tomorrow, he and his sister will have been born on the same day of their birth months. That would be nice. (My brother and I were born on the same day of our birth months, so it would be kind of like continuing a family tradition, plus make it easy to remember. The number would also be the same as one of her cousins.)

Pray for rest for me, I am tired and though I really want to meet my little one ASAP, a good night of sleep sure sounds appealing.