Update on World's Best Teacher's Dad, who has cancer

Dear friends,
I'm posting the text of a couple of e-mails that I just received from my good friend and former college roommate, World's Best Teacher. Thanks so much for your continued prayers. I'm grateful for the strength the Lord is giving my friend. I spoke with her this afternoon, before I even read the e-mails, and she said her Dad's breaths are growing shorter and shallower, and the pauses between them grow longer as the day progresses. They are fully expecting the Lord to heal him by taking him home soon. Her brother is en route from halfway across the country. I called her this afternoon on my way home from working out at the gym for the first time in a couple of months. (gotta use the membership before it runs out and we don't renew). It must have been God prompting me to call her specifically, although I often use the short drive to touch base with friends or family. Thank you for keeping my dear friend in your prayers! She is 30 years old, like me, and in our minds, too young to be saying goodbye to a parent. But our timing is not God's.

Lauren

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Sent: Friday, January 5, 2007 6:05:43 AM
Subject: Dad

Dad had a stroke last night (about 1:00). He's much worse, he's stable and
"not in distress; he's at home. I have to work hard today if I want to take off time next week. Pray I get everything done. Mom is calm but is very tired and had a hard night. Hospice helped her and everything is medically taken care of right now.

Funny - I woke up at 1:00 and couldn't get back to sleep. Mom thought she was letting me sleep and didn't call me until after 5:00. I never believed those stories, but they're true. You do wake up from sleep when loved ones are in distress. Must be God.

Last thing dad said to me last night was "I love you". He fell asleep within about 10 minutes of my getting to the house after work last night.

Two of mom's sisters are arriving Saturday. They planned it yesterday before the stroke. God is still taking care of us.


Sent: Friday, January 5, 2007 2:49:07 AM
Subject: Dad update


I hope you don't mind if I send you a mass email to answer the question "how is he?". Many of you have asked, and I know you care. It's easier to just share all at once than keep retelling, and I thought this might be a good way to do that.
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We had a good Christmas. My brother and his family came into town for several days. We had Christmas in dad's room.

Dad has cancer in his lungs, his back, and a large tumor on his adrenal gland (on top of his kidney). The cancer in his back has made it very difficult for him to feel and use his legs. The term for the care dad is getting is "paleative" (not sure how to spell) - which is a fancy word that means "keep him as comfortable as possible". The goal is not recovery (although we don't deny that God has the power to make this happen) - the goal is make this time as easy for him as possible. He has been getting radiation on his back to help with numbness and pain in his legs. He stays in bed right now all the time other than hygiene needs. He has lost a lot of weight. He is at about 190 right now. He is a 6'6 man. It¹s hard for him to eat - it takes a lot of energy (which he doesn't have) and he has no appetite. Wednesday he couldn¹t make it to radiation. Mom told me his legs were completely numb. He didn¹t have the strength to get out of bed ­ first time that¹s happened.

Mom called to arrange hospice and they came yesterday to evaluate and begin services. He will be able to stay home unless things get really complicated. Things aren¹t good for dad right now. As mom says, "Our peace comes from God even if our hearts are breaking."

Mom and I are awed and feel privileged to see some of the "tapestry" of God through all of this. Mom, dad, and I are continually finding comfort and peace.

Examples: I told dad yesterday that if God wants us to go this road, he has lined it with friends to go with us. Mom is very "Dutch". Dad's Doctor's name is Dr. "Holland". We chuckled at this "SIGN" that he was the doctor for us. Dad's hospice nurse is the wife of a teacher my brother and I both remember fondly as having had in high school and the mother of a high school friend of mine - so she already seems like a friend.

Labor Day weekend, we were able to go to Michigan to visit family - before all of this started - so many family members who can't come have had an opportunity to visit with dad recently!

Dad's bills are not a worry - Veterans's Affairs has declared him 100% disabled due to "agent orange" exposure in Vietnam (strange to call that a blessing) and so is paying for everything.

Mom is getting help from hospice, and praise the Lord, we both have lots of sick days that are available to use. Mom has decided to stop working completely and is able to do it indefinitely using her sick leave!
Richard (pastor) reminded me recently of something I knew, but is taking great meaning lately - and that continues to bring peace - the ultimate peace we can have is not physical healing, but spiritual restoration. Dad's physical distress is difficult to watch, and very difficult for him to experience, but peace comes for him and us from knowing he will not only
have physical healing if he leaves us, but the best healing of all - because of Christ he will be with our heavenly father, restored to the beautiful creation God intended him to be. Praise God. Dad is ready - either way - to stay and be healed or go and be healed. Either way is an awesome option. Win- Win!

Family have been visiting frequently. They are traveling all the way from Michigan! They are such a blessing - even from a distance when they can't come.

God is good! He is the good shepherd.

People have often asked if there is anything they can do to help. The
answer mom and I keep giving is - nothing tangible right now.

Money is not a problem (thanks to VA).

Food is not a need really - dad isn't eating much and we feed him whatever
he will eat (which changes based on his appetite). Mom doesn't eat that
much, and so what's been happening is his dogs are getting fat on the food
we/she can't eat! :0) The only "maybe" that might be nice is something
that freezes that we can pop into the microwave or oven really fast when
family or visitors do come to visit. We have some family here now, more
coming this weekend, and many (8+) coming at the end of the month that we
know of. Mom likes most foods. Again - dad varies.

Mom is a wonderful, but private person, so talking about the situation with
people outside of close family and friends can sometimes be difficult for
her, so this may not be the best way to help. It's also difficult to find
good times to visit with dad, since his needs change and he sleeps so much.

We have support from friends who have offered hospitality for visiting
family - and have taken advantage of that.

So really - prayers are the best way to help, both because the Heavenly
Father says so and because our other needs are taken care of right now.
Prayers for peace and comfort and healing and wisdom to know how to handle
what comes would be wonderful. Prayers for journey mercies for family and
strength for Mom and Dad would be great. Thanksgiving for God's blessings
would be wonderful.

Thanks again all for your love and support. You've all been so wonderful. I
will try to keep you all posted for better or ..better.

Exercising Faith - and getting a real workout!!!,
World's Best Teacher (she signed her real name,i'm keeping that private on the blog)
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Baby bear has another cold. I think she got it from me. My cat allergy turned into my usual cough and crud and runny nose. It's practically tradition. Visit anyone with a cat, go home under the weather. Well, 2 days ago, baby bear's nose started running. She had a low-grade fever Thursday night, and a 102 fever last night before bed. She woke up every 2 1/2 hours fussy last night, and her temp seemed to be falling. It was practically normal this morning. Hopefully we're on the end of it.

The family gathering we had planned to celebrate my Mom and bil's birthdays has been postponed, and the women's Bible study group at eaglet and sil's church in Slugger City gets to devour a yummy chocolate cake. My floor needed to be swept and mopped anyway, so I'm not too bitter. I just want my baby to feel better.

Finding Focus, Assignment #3

from Dana on W@H: "Ok ladies. We have shared our plans. We have encouraged each other. We have brainstormed on attitudes and road blocks. We are going to start making changes to our lives and our habits that will move us towards our goal. Take time Friday and Saturday to brainstorm a few small changes. Use the plan you shared in Assmt 1. Pick your 2-3 top priorities and plan three SMALL but important steps to move you forward. I do not recommend you do something for each and every area. YOU STILL HAVE 51 WEEKS to accomplish your goal.
When you have decided what you are going to do and how and WHEN tell us about it. Make it POSSIBLE and make room for it in your schedule NOW"
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to be continued....

home "improvement"

we have a laundry room that is larger than a closet, but not huge. maybe 8 feet deep by 6 feet wide. well, there is a wall about a foot to the right of the door that cuts into some of the entry width, and that is where i normally lean my brooms, mop and dustpan. for the past several months, i've become increasingly irritated when one of the said items would fall over across my path to the washer and dryer, or worse- block the door from opening all the way. we went to superstore today, and found a simple metal bar with spring-clips to hold broom handles. unfortunately, the width of the holes did not line up with the wall studs, so hubby had to get creative and drill another hole in the bar. but for less than $4 in the home improvement deparment (not by brooms, that holder was more expensive and only held 4 handles), we got 5 things out of the way, hanging decently and in order. and i can check one of my items off my Finding Focus list! he hung them high enough so we can set the vacuum underneath them and still get to the brooms... i also proceeded to sweep and mop the kitchen floor, something which it desperately needed.

during another leg of our errand run, hubby bought something in which he can conveniently yet safely store his "personal security system" with some of his Christmas gift cards and money. baby bear watched him program the passcode, and had fun trying to figure out how to get cookie monster out. (she didn't succeed). now it's successfully mounted in an undisclosed location, and hubby is quite proud of himself for being a handyman this evening. i am, too. plus, when monarch, purple princess, or any other kids are playing hide and seek, they will not accidentally stumble upon certain dangerous items.

oh, and at our first stop, he used another gift card to buy a new shredder, since our old one died. so now he is shredding papers with sensitive personal info on them during commercial breaks. (he used to burn such paper, when we lived with tech mom and tech dad. but our gas-log fireplace is not so equipped, as it has no chimney.) we have a box full of junk that needs to be shredded, so this could take weeks.

online security

well, for the past few weeks, 75% of the time i comment on a site with word verification, including my own, blogger makes me retry. it's really annoying. so, today i made this blog private, in hopes that unnwanted weirdos will stay away, and took the word verification option off my comments. i might go ahead and make baby bear's private, too. we'll see.

i've noticed that my comments usually stick on blogs that don't require the word verification, so we'll see if this makes it any easier for you guys to comment on mine.

baby bear's nap is over, time to get off the computer and be mommy.

a reminder from my crt, computer guy, and my nieces....

you can do anything you want to do

thanks, crt!

Finding Focus Project- Assignment #2
Identify your roadblock

From Dana at W@H: "I don't know about you all but it seems like there has always been "just one thing" where if I could get it done then "everything else would fall into place" I know that isn't the way it is, but that's how it FEELS. And I know it's not just me because I've watched other people tackle that mountain and feel SO MUCH BETTER about themselves when it was over. So tell me, what's your roadblock? What's the one thing that you feel like if i could just do...... then everything would be GREAT! and it doesn't have to be housework, it could be weight, a project, a broken relationship, your marriage WHATEVER what is it-----and what are some concrete steps you can start taking to get past it? it's time to CHUNK that old baggage and MOVE AHEAD."
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Procrastination and laziness are mine. If I would quit procrastinating, I'd get a lot more done.

What are the roadblocks that keep you from reaching YOUR goals?

can't wait! (but i'll have to)

Hubby and i are going to the new symphony hall downtown for a concert on February 15th! It was his idea, and my sister is going to babysit. (She "owes" me a couple of babysitting favors for keeping my niece while she and her hubby went to Cedar Point with their youth group, although I'm glad the girls get time together and don't mind having her sweet little one around. Especially when Mom comes to help out.)

A breath of fresh air

One of the advantages of having a job with the government is that when all the bigwigs get to go to funeral services for former a president, the little guys and gals on the totem pole also get the day. I am not trying to dishonor President Ford in any way, or make light of his death. I just want to express my gratitude for another day with hubby home.

Today is one of those winter days one can't help but love. It's comparable to an autumn day in the upper midwest. The sky is a clear blue, with few clouds in sight. The sun has shone for a majority of the day. In college, days like this could calm me or invigorate me as I walked across the Quad, back to the dorm, or over to the BSU. The breeze is cool, but not frigid.

Hubby, Baby-Bear and I went for a walk this afternoon. One neighbor was in her driveway with her 6 year old son, who was adopted from Russia almost 2 years ago (or maybe 3). Their house is for sale and under contract, and I'm going to miss them. (They are joining the exodus to the county a mile away with the better school system. Why people didn't just buy down there in the first place when homes were less expensive there is a mystery. At least our neighborhood resale average is good. And to be fair, there are more new homes available now than there were even a year ago. Though none of them are in our price range in the size we would want.) They were trying to get a remote control car going.

Baby bear became bored while we stopped, and had a grand time toddling down the sidewalk holding our hands. She looked so cute in her new blue jeans, coral/striped sweater, and with her silver fake-fur-lined vest over the sweater. So big.

Some of the rock pink that I planted on the cliff last Spring apparently took. The stuff looked pretty dried out when I planted it, but my parents got it really cheap on clearance at a nursery, and knew we needed erosion control. Anyway, as we walked to where the sidewalk ends, I saw a few of those tiny fuscia flowers blooming about 7 feet up the hill. Apparently they think it's Springtime already. The image of life in the midst of dead grass, weeds, and above a cliff that has been cut away is refreshing. And for those of you who want a ground-cover that even those of us with a brown thumb can't kill, rock pink might be just the thing.

The dishwasher hums, the laundry rolls, and hubby and baby bear nap. Among the other things I still hope to do today: vacuum downstairs, hang up my clean clothes, make a couple of phone calls, and clean off the kitchen counter.

Here's my list for Finding Focus Assignment #1:

(Remember, the prompt said the sky is the limit and now is not the time to be reasonable.)

Personal
-Become more self-disciplined
-Make fewer excuses
-Procrastinate less
-Balance my time more wisely; limit online time when necessary
-Connect with close friends on a more regular basis (in addition to online)
-Have date-nights with hubby more than once this year
-Continue to seek wise guidance re: medical issues
-Revamp wardrobe

Spiritual
-Read through the Bible
-Consistent time with the Lord
-Personal Reconciliation in area I've been wrestling with

Family
-Be hubby's helpmeet; take more initiative with certain things at home
-Be baby-bear's Teacher as well as Mommy: Set a good example for her,
spend lots of quality time with her, step out of my comfort zone to
make our daily routine more fun and educational
-Beach Vacation!
-Visit cousin's family on Sapelo Island
-Visit Brother and his wife at seminary
-Send pictures to Gramma monthly, since she doesn't have internet access
-Visit Gramma in WI
-Get all birthdays on wall calendar

Household
-Establish daily task/goal list
-Establish weekly routine for chores
-Plan meals more effectively/cook more frequently
-Save more money on groceries to help stay within our budget
-Declutter bedrooms:master, guest, nursery
-Deep clean kitchen & bathroom cabinets
-Hang broom rack in utility room
-Add shelves to kitchen dish and glass cabinets (1 each)
-Add shelves or cabinets in utility room
-Get rid of my clothes that aren't being used
-Organize old baby clothes
-Get bookshelf for our bedroom

Hobbies
-Have piano tuned by a professional
-learn at least 2 new arrangements or songs
-polish up old arrangements
-organize desk
-read 6 new books this year (or more)
-Organize/inventory scrapbooking supplies
-Finish Hannah's 1st year scrapbook (I'm on page 3)
-Go on a (short) family hike in Smokies, Fall Creek Falls or another park
-organize old photos- already printed
-organize digital photos- and print those needed for scrapbook and sharing

Finding Focus Project-Assignment #1

Ok, gang. Here it goes. I've decided to jump on board the W@H (women at home) ministry's Finding Focus Project. It's supposed to be something to help with home organization, something anyone who know me really well knows I need very desperately. For added accountability, I'm listing it here. Here's the assignment:

"let's say you have all the time in the world and the resources to do what you want with yourself, your space, your hobbies, your time this year. The sky is the limit. WHAT do you want to do this year?
Don't be reasonable right now--write it ALL down, big and small. you aren't committing to DOING it, you are simply saying you desire TO do it. Priorities come later. For now, we're just talking."

Wish me luck. I'll post my list soon.

Happy New Year's Eve!

Hubby and I are bumming around in front of the tv. Baby bear fell asleep around 8:30. She giggled with glee as I wound the music box with the German children on it, and cuddled with her grey kitty that Caslon and Photo guy gave her the weekend after she was born. A few minutes later, she realized she was in bed for the night and protested, but that didn't last very long. She had a long afternoon nap when we returned from church (as did her mommy and daddy).

2006 was a very good year for our family. Hubby's job, which he began in October of 2005, just a week before our daughter's birth, has provided him with the best schedule. (He had a voice mail from the acting supervisor at working stating the office will be closed on Tuesday, that will be his 12th day off. ) He's never been able to actually take a chunk of vacation time or enjoy a full-fledged holiday with family since we moved to Music City. The older we get, the more we realize that no job is perfect. However, to have one that is secure, with adequate money, and that offers time off that can actually be used.... well, that is so helpful. When I quit working before baby bear's birth, we knew his pay cut combined with no check for me would be hard on us. It has been, financially. But God has provided. To be able to stay home with Baby Bear is a precious gift. To watch her grow, teach her, to know that she knows her Mommy and Daddy love her. She doesn't seem to recall the 7 1/2 weeks that she only saw her Daddy a handful of times after she was born, because "Dada" is her current favorite word. (As everyone heard in Memphis.)

Last summer, crt told me about this thing called blogger, and showed me how easy it was to post pictures. At that point, I switched from using babiesonline to blogger for my means of keeping family and friends posted on our little one's progress. Shortly after, I started my own personal blog. Soon I learned from Zann that she had a blog, as did someone I might remember from church in high school- Farm Wife. Through Farmwife, I've met some other wonderful bloggers... Inkling, Grace, Farm Fairy, Ang and Sarah. My neighbor gina drops in every once in a while (probably more than know), we will have to get together more in person this year. I've been nosy and discovered some other acquaintances that I remember from college... FreddyT, and Stephen Cavness are among them. Tech Mom and Caslon and I sometimes talk on the phone, but often just check on the others' blog. I'm fascinated to learn where
God has led people that I know and once knew. Oh, and there's another fabulous and crafty gal who I've met a few times in real life, and now I find myself wandering in her W@H circle. I'm thankful. I have family, some of whom I also connect with online (Tech Mom, Caslon, eaglet), all of whom I love. I have friends, some of whom are online, many who have more self control than I and have not succombed to internet addiction. And then there are the members of my "blogily"... those of you who I may or may not have met in person yet, but you read my site patiently. You observe the ramblings and ponderings that I share online and sometimes we even get into full-fledged discussions.

So, as the clock ticks closer to 2007, my heart begins to wander and wonder once again. Resolutions? I don't want to make them and just break them, so they will be chosen carefully.
This is in fact my little bleep of cyberspace. A place to vent, share, cry, laugh, wonder...
Thank you for taking the time to get to know me and my family on this and my other blog.

And now, to spend the rest of 2006 with my beloved. Happy New Year, everyone!

another addition...

hubby's coworker's wife gave birth to a beautiful 7 lb 10 oz baby girl yesterday. we spent some time chatting at the office luncheon before Christmas, and she mentioned that a lot of her friends swore by a certain parenting book that i had previously read and now rank below The Fountainhead. (not a parenting book, but i was going to write an essay on it for a scholarship, and would have burned it if it were mine and not the library's. i hated it.) she has a degree in child development, and said that as she read it the red flags went up because so much was contrary to what she learned in her classes and experience as a nanny and preschool teacher. they're going to do just fine.

lilly has two parents who love her, and i'm sure baby bear will be glad to teach her all her tricks as she grows up.

another addiction...

i've been reminded why i don't read often enough. i get addicted to it. i began reading "the secret life of bees" by sue monk kidd two nights ago. someone recommended it to me a couple of years back, and when i got to tech mom's house, she still had caslon's copy in her possession. i've almost finished it, and it really is a fascinating tale about a girl running from her past, longing to know her mother, and relationships. the language is very real, which might offend some people. however, i do believe it adds to the authenticity of the character as well as the time period. i will finish the book tonight, before we leave tomorrow.

neat message board...

stephanie at olive tree introduced me to the women at home ministry message board. it's a pretty neat place! as if i need another source for my blogging addiction... oh, well.

the fun dwindles down at the crazy house

hubby's grandma, aka great-gramma, made it home safely. so did her gifts. the 2nd suitcase that tech mom suggested she bring with her came in handy. it sounds like the weather will be rainy and cold up there, making the chilly air we had here in memphis feel like california. we're so very thankful she made the trip down to spend Christmas with all of us. she has her strong opinions as to why her great-grandchildren are so different in their temperaments, among other things. (monarch and purple princess are very spirited and picky eaters, baby-bear is a little more laid back and eats almost anything so far. she interprets that as baby-bear being happy and the other two, well... the funny thing is that they are quite content not eating much, it's everyone else who has a problem with their eating preferences.) by now the rest of us are quite used to the girls, and to be honest it would be nice if baby-bear would slow down on the growth curve for mommy's back's sake. she certainly has made up for the slow weight gain she had in the first 3 months of her life...and then some. if i can instill half the love of learning that crt has managed to cultivate in her children, i will be happy. anyway, since great-gramma is our last living grandparent, we treasure each moment we have with her... opinions and all.

caslon and photo guy should be pulling into their driveway any minute now. they have 4 new tires on their car thanks to the flat they had on the way into town. their kitty (the real caslon) will probably be glad to see them yet confused by the scent of another cat's fur on their things. they are going to be great parents some day. no pressure, just an observation! for now, their nieces and nephew will soak up all the attention they can give them.

crt, tech mom and i took the girls to chuck-e-cheese to get out some of their energy this afternoon. baby-bear loved riding on the little cars, especially the one with barney and the one with chuck-e-cheese "himself". she thought the hungry hippo game was pretty neat, too. the men stayed home and vegged, then ordered pizza which they picked up just in time for our return from the kids' place. tech mom said we deserve badges that state, "i survived chuck-e-cheese." i definitely admire smart guy's willingness to take his boys to their local branch so grace can get a break. it's a crazy place, though not so expensive if you don't get the pizza and food. i'll post pics from the adventure on hannah-bear's cave soon. monarch and purple princess had a blast, of course. it's amazing how much energy they exert for such small prizes.

wireless

i'm really going to miss tech mom and dad's dependable wireless connection when we get home.

girls' night!

once upon a time, i enjoyed going to the mall. then i grew up and realized i really don't need to tempt myself, and the mall during this time of year is torture.

well, my dear friend PT, who lived down the hall my freshman year of college in the same suite as WBT and Catgirl, is getting married in a month. less than a month. she, the one who is responsible for introducing me to hubby, holds a special place. and while a series of unfortunate events seemed to prohibit her and her hubby-to-be from going on a honeymoon trip, they will be going away for a week after all.

this friend has been a big help with baby showers, bridal showers, etc. for myself and some other friends. but circumstances what they are, our circle of friends is spread apart so far, that the logistics of us having a shower for her were, well, next to impossible. with one having a baby in texas, one living in nc, and the rest of us spread out across this state, it just didn't happen.

well, tonight, PT and i went to the mall to shop for her shower gift. this was a type of shower gift that you really should either get a gift certificate for or have a receipt, because inevitably those who try to purchase it for you can't get the size right. since we are still at tech mom's, and they live in the same city as PT, tonight was the perfect opportunity for us to have a girls' night at the mall. now, us old married folk know that such a gift is frivolous, but every new bride wants to feel extra beautiful for her beloved. (and even though hubby claims such wrappings aren't necessary because they don't last long, he doesn't seem to mind the times they make it out of my dresser drawer.)

so we went shopping, pt picked out her shower gifts from me and WBT, and we had a good couple of hours just the two of us. we also stopped by the clearance rack in the dress department and she found 2 dresses that will be perfect for dining out at their honeymoon destination. i tried on a couple of dresses, but fortunately for my bank account my post-baby body just doesn't wear things as well as it used to, so i left empty-handed. i really need to start exercising again. thankfully i have a hubby who loves me for who i am, completely and unconditionally. in old jeans and a t-shirt, or other wrappings.

Pray...

I spoke to my dear friend WBT tonight. Her father is the one with cancer, and this weekend "has not been one she woud like to remember." His physical strength is decreasing, he stays in bed, eats little, and is icreasingly irritable.

Her brother, his wife, and their 2 1/2 year old son are home from halfway across the country, staying at her apartment. They go to the parents' house during the day. Anyone who has lost a loved one to a terminal illness, who has witnessed the progression of a body shutting down and the flood of feelings and fears that comes with it, can relate.

Pray for them to find comfort in each other's company, and for glimpses that remind them of who their Dad is. Not the disease that has overtaken.

Merry CHRISTmas to all!

We're having a wonderful time at TechMom and Dad's. I'll be posting photos on the other blog soon hopefully tonight. (Assuming blogger will cooperate.)

I've logged on and stopped by some of my friends' blogs, but the cat must have gotten my tongue. Sometimes, in real life, I like to just sit back and relax and observe. I guess that trait is coming out online, too.

Our family took up a pew in church yesterday morning. Monarch did well, but she conveniently had to use the restroom about the time the sermon began. (Purple Princess and Baby Bear had classes, but there was no children's church for the older ones.) We had very few large family gatherings ar Christmas growing up, especially after the closest cousins moved from PA to the Cape. I do have faint memories of playing in the snow at their house, with our Bichon, Gabriel, and Sheba, my cousins' dog. I remember their Christmas tree set up on the foyer of their home, and the narrow stairway that seemed like a secret passage up to the 3rd floor. After those cousins moved further away, we stayed home for all the Christmases that I can remember.
So, to be near family and have Baby Bear playing with her cousins, while her Great-Gramma watches from her chair with a quiet joy.... well, it's comfort. Baby bear attended her 1st Candlelight service with us. It was also Great-Gramma's first-ever Candlelight service. She marched right up to the very front of the large sanctuary and she and Tech Mom found seats up close. The rest of us sat near the back, which proved wise when Baby Bear became restless about halfway through. She and I went to the back foyer, where she calmed down and I was still able to enjoy the carols. We also had the pleasure of watching candles being lit one-by-one across the room, which held hundreds of people. The sight was simultaneously breathtaking and heartwarming.

Opening gifts was an adventure, as would be expected. The "littles" went first, Baby Bear was assisted by Monarch and myself. Hubby did his fatherly duty of untwisting all the annoying twisty ties that secure the toys in their boxes. Great-Gramma complained as the stack of gifts in front of her grew, but as she opened her presents, her face glowed.

It's been a wonderful weekend for us. I hope all of you have made treasured memories with your loved ones, too.

all together

we are all safe and sound at tech mom & dad's. great-gramma made it here yesterday. after running some errands this morning, we hit the road and made it in good time. caslon and photo guy arrived about 3 hours later, after changing a flat tire when they had driven 5 of their 6 hour trip. a couple of hours after that, crt and computer guy arrived with monarch and purple princess. baby bear fought valiantly to stay awake to see her cousins, but after chasing princess up the steps and around the living room and dining room, she crashed around 8:15. her cousins walked in the door by the time hubby and i came back down.

be forwarned, my psuedonyms for my family will probably vary. especially the non-blogging ones.

princess the beige cat wants to be with us on her own terms. she did hide from baby bear for a little while, but now that the little ones are in their beds, she is in the middle of the living room floor. i'm sure she wants us to know this is her kingdom, she reigns, and nothing will change that. she's declawed in front, she is not a farm cat. (the birds that congregate on the trees in the back yard taunt her, as do the goldfish in the water garden.)

great-gramma's hearing is getting worse. she refuses to wear her hearing aid. so we either have to speak very loudly and repeat ourselves, or speak quietly enough so she doesn't realize we're talking. tech dad and i agree that she treasures the company and while she could retire for the evening, she did not travel hundreds of miles from her home to be by herself upstairs. so we smile, and when the time is right, converse. sometimes she falls asleep in the middle of our conversation, but that's alright. it is so nice to have her here with her only daughter and 3 great-granddaughters. her shoulder is healing well. she cannot lift it as high as she could with the one God gave her, but the one the surgeons gave her enables her to throw wood in the furnace in the cellar like she used to. she is doing great for an 86-year old woman.

caslon (peridot rose) brought gingerbread house kits for monarch and purple princess to assemble tomorrow. tech mom almost poisoned her only daughter with pesto, which contains finely ground pine nuts. thankfully, caslon read the label on the pesto jar before all the pasta was covered in it, so there was no need for her epi-pen (sp?) tonight. i'm also trying to figure out how difficult it is to leave nuts out of partial batches treats, but thankfully crt brought fudge with no nuts, so caslon won't be completely deprived. on the other hand, at least tech mom made treats, unlike myself... caslon handles it well. hubby keeps offering his younger sister the nut-infested treats, as any loving big brother would do.

i'm on tech mom's laptop, sitting back in her deep-red leather recliner with my feet propped up. there are 9 adults and 3 children in the house, and tech dad has set up extra seating with some folding chairs like you'd bring to a ball game or camping. i suppose i'll share the recliner at some point this weekend. the buzz of conversation under lamplight and white Christmas tree lights is like music.

it's nice to be here with some of our loved ones. to be able to kick back, relax, and talk about... whatever. i don't take it for granted. a good friend's son is stranded in denver, inkling is with her beloved but far from her other loved ones.

i'm not sure how often i'll be on this week. i am addicted, so i may find myself claiming any laptop that is in sight as my own. or maybe my family will send my to blogger's anonymous and banish me from my beloved hobby.

traveling sola

pray for hubby's grandma as she's flying from wi to his parents' today. this is her first flight since her shoulder injury and rehab this fall. we look forward to seeing her (and everyone else) tomorrow afternoon when we head west.

hubby has gone back to the office today. he has to turn in some things, so he'll work from there instead of our "land of spare oom" . i wonder how long it will take before baby bear realizes he is not in the house today as he has been all week.

my parents stopped by yesterday afternoon. they had to see their oldest grandaughter at least once more before Christmas! mom commented how my house looks "lived in". at least she didn't say "neglected". later that night, we picked up the main room and vacuumed. as i type, i can hear baby bear redistributing the toys that were put away in the toy box (a value-pack diaper box).

it's time to get the gifts wrapped!

Peace on earth and mercy mild,
God and wandering heart reconciled.

Hark The Herald Angels Sing
from the Christmas Song Generator.

Get your own song :

I confess, this is not the first rendition that came up when I typed in my pseudonym. But it is the most fitting!!!! "I saw Mommy kissing wandering heart" made me laugh. But if that were about me, we'd have some serious issues here.

Thanks for the fun link, Farm Wife!

enough

all of you
is more than enough for all of me
for every thirst and every need
you satisfy me with your love
and all i have in you is more than enough


you are my supply
my breath of life
still more awesome than i know
you are my reward
worth living for
still more awesome than i know

you're my sacrifice
of greatest price
and still more awesome than i know
you're my coming king
you are everything
still more awesome than i know

more than all i want
more than all i need
you are more than enough for me
more than all i know
more than all i can see
you are more than enough for me

written by chris tomlin and louie giglio, c 2002 worshiptogether.com songs

i'm working on our christmas letter mailing. might run out of baby bear's picture, darn it. i can get more made, but it's the hassle... it feels good to have most of the envelopes stuffed and addressed... just gotta get a sponge or washcloth dampened to seal all of them. i shouldn't have saved money by buying envelopes that require water to seal. oh well!!!

we bought wrapping paper and ribbon at the dollar tree. i tell you, that is my new favorite store. wrapping paper is like other disposable papers. why pay for the super thick stuff when it's going to be thrown out? except kleenex. i like my kleenex with lotion in them. or puffs. whatever's on sale. anyway, facial tissue is my exception to the get the cheapest disposable paper rule.

i am really ticked off at myself for letting a credit card billthat i am responsible for get lost. i found it today after realizing i didn't remember mailing it and digging it out from under junk mail on the counter. now it's late. i never mail in bills late. neither does hubby. he mails all of them except this particular bill, and now i'm considering this a sign to quit direct sales. because now some of my profits are going to have to go toward interest instead of a manicure or scrapbooking stuff. besides the fact that i am hopelessly organizationally challenged. this reminds me of the one time i ever had a check bounce, in college. it was at dairy queen, for my suite mate's birthday cake. that ended up being a really expensive cake. times like this make me grateful my husband is a receipt nazi and i don't normally have to worry about micromanaging our finances. he does it well on his own. anyway, don't tell me to get a calendar and make lists. i have a calendar. i make lists. they get lost. baby bear eats them. hubby must be ticked, but he's being very nice and gracious about it.

i was going to post the lyrics to the praise song "enough"... i certainly need to read them right now. but the cd case is downstairs and i am ready to go to bed when i go down. i was listening to my jeremy camp cd today, and this song and others were some very good reminders. maybe i'll share the lyrics tomorrow. after i mail that bill and our christmas letters.

oh, while i'm venting, this whole free service called blogger is being extremely rude, especially to my family members who are not on beta. they have to post anonymously or not at all.

oh, one good thing... baby bear slept in til 8 a.m. well, sort of. she actually woke up at 5, i put her back to bet at 6, and then she slept til 8. but i forgot she had woken up so i felt like she had slept in til 8! our little rooster did not get the early-rising genes from either of her parents although her daddy has to go to work early. this week, that means getting out of bed, showering, eating breakfast, and walking down the hall to the guest bedroom, where he's set up his work laptop on a card table. it came in handy this morning when i almost passed out from dehydration while tryng to change baby bear. i got her pj's unzipped, got dizzy, set her on the floor, and laid down and called hubby to come help. she decided it was time to get undressed completely, and by the time her opened his "office" door from across the hall, she was left in just her diaper, babbling away in her cute baby language and looking so proud of herself. thankfully i started feeling better this afternoon after my fluids and food were staying in me. and in spite of feeling icky, i did get the dishwasher emptied and reloaded (including some containers that had been housing science projects from the fridge), and 2 loads of laundry washed. the day could've been far less productive.

thanks for putting up with my complaining and random musings. good night, friends! see you on your blogs tomorrow!

tummy troubles...

i really hope baby bear and hubby don't get them. if baby bear does, we'll all be miserable. and hubby will have to go buy pedialyte. so far, it's just me. i hope whatever it is works its way out and is long gone before we, crt, caslon and their gangs make our pilgrimages to tech mom's for Christmas.

it all started with nausea this afternoon, and just got worse.

poor baby bear couldn't understand why mommy was reading to her one second, and the next she was "dropping" her on the floor (gently of course), and running across the house to the bathroom. then she couldn't understand why she couldn't sit on her mommy's lap on the potty. this made our little cub angry.

hubby was tucked away in his makeshift office (the guest room/gift storage area), working on some of his reports. he was approved to work from home some, and since he just has some reports to write, he figured he could do them from here. baby bear was confused when daddy didn't go outside like he normally does when he tells her he is going to work. she waved "bye-bye" as he disappeared down the hallway. it was so cute! at the end of his work day, he came out and asked what the crying was all about.

Tonight we visited a church that is being planted by the church we currently attend. I found the following excerpt from the bulletin amusing, " The people of God are called to worship Him in song. Our lack of musical knowledge inhibits this activity. Therefore, we are printing music in the bulletin in order to encourage part-singing, to more easily facilitate the learning of new music, and to increase musical literacy for the glory of God."

While I can't disagree with the point being made, it cracks me up. It surely is a sad sign that our culture is so used to singing by ear without musical notes (with overheads instead of hymnals) that we have to explain the use of sheet music.

Hannah did pretty well in the service, other than trying to preach right along with Dr. Grant, who was teaching out of Luke. Fortunately, she was not the only child voicing her gibberish. Just one of the loudest. A deacon assured us as we walked in that kids are welcome and cherished during the service, including their stirrings. (In the newsletter, Dr. Grant calls their stirrings ""holy hubbub".) I'm so used to dropping her off in the nursery that it felt strange, in spite of the fact that I pretty much grew up with kids present in the service with us.

I really appreciated the celebration of the Lord's supper, and the fact that it looks like they are trying to incorporate it weekly. I've never understood the whole "once a quarter" thing, and even once a month as our current church does it is a little infrequent, as the assembly I went to growing up (before moving to TN) had a separate service for the Lord's supper and prayer every week before the other services.

we spent the afternoon with WBT, who is one of Baby bear's "surrogate" aunts as one of the witnesses present at our first meeting, by divine providence. her dad was not up for visitors, so we went Christmas shopping and out to dinner. her dad's cancer is wearing him out. please keep their whole family in your prayers. the time is so difficult for her and her family. I am glad we were able to spend some time with her. Baby bear loved meeting Ian, her dog. I'd never see him tolerate attention so well (he's a one-person dog, a little bit of a dog snob.) He even let her kiss him on his nose several times.

we had the privelege to be part of a God's provision for some friends from our church family. they own a cleaning business, therefore i will call them "mr. & mrs. clean" on the blog. they are about our age, and they have 3 sons. a couple of years ago, they started their own business, which has been growing slowly but surely. a few weeks ago, they were able to move from the dangerous neighborhood where they were living, to a safer community much closer to our church. (while they lived in the old neighbnorhood, their brother's car was stolen and vehicles were broken into every night around them.) so, this move in itself was a big answer to prayer. well, last night at our fellowship they mentioned that one of their cars had died.

my dad, who is retired from working at a car factory, has friends who are always selling their used vehicles. i figured that he might know someone who knew someone with one available, so i called him to ask about it. he reminded me that my mom's old car was still in their driveway. they had purchased a car from a friend a few weeks back, not wanting to put the money into the old car.

i called our friends this morning, gave them my dad's number, and they picked up their vehicle this afternoon. since the husband uses their only vehicle for driving to clients' homes and offices, mom and kids were basically stranded at home during the day. not that that's the worst place to be stranded, but it does make family logistics a little more difficult. the best part- dad gave them the car for free! so even though it needs repairs, it is a vehicle. it will get them by.

the situation reminds me to be greatful for how the Lord has provided for us. Abundantly. Our immediate family is healthy and safe. We have more time together than ever. We have a very comfortable home, two vehicles that are dependable, and most importantly, eachother. He doesn't worry about the things that distract or confuse me. Oh, I believe truth matters and one day He will reveal it through His Word or if He comes first, but there is a reason the church is often divided on secondary issues... sometimes I think part of the reason is to get us to refocus and seek Him through His word, not just through tradition, theologians, or family and friends. And yes, I consider baptism a secondary, though very important, issue (in spite of the fact that I've let it be a major issue lately. ) Something that isn't debatable is that the Bible does command us to love one another. He promises that He will supply all our needs. Not necessarily with the newest or best whatever, but with whatever is sufficient. The car could have gone to an alcoholic who would probably drive it drunk (someone who had expressed interest but didn't come to see the car for a week, until after dad had already promised it to my friends just hours earlier). Instead, it went to a family that needs it AND will use it responsibly. I imagine they had one less worry as they left town to visit their family for Christmas! Coming up with repair money is a lot different than coming up with a new car.

where the sidewalk ends

... our cliff begins...

the grey dead grass is where we let the weeds take over in the summer because it was too steep to mow. now even more of it is too steep to mow. but we have a sidewalk to nowhere. thanks developer! you take such good care of your customers. almost as good as blogger.

anyway...
locked myself and baby bear out when we went out for a walk and to take these pics. gina came to my rescue with a couple of her hubby's membership cards to organizations. at least i didn't lock the bolt. but let this serve as a reminder that you should always lock your deadbolt if you really want your home secure. if you are just going for a walk, don't, because you never know when you might have to break back in!

ARRGHHHHH!

just had to go back to the grocery store. while talking on the phone, i forgot to add eggs to my cheescake mixture. messed up my oreo crust.

baby bear is now banging metal bowls together and across the hardwood floor, not good for my headache, but keeps her busy.

now to make the new cheescake. anyone wanna help me eat the cream cheese, sugar, and oreo crust from effort #1 that are a nice big blob?

i am grounding myself from the computer until i get something accomplished in my home and spend more quality time with baby bear. (go ahead, place bets on how long this will last....)

after all my ponderings about theology, i have a headache. i think i'll go make that raspberry cheesecake with oreo crust for our sunday school class's social tonight.

theological debates

what have i done? an old acquaintance from college is in seminary where my brother and his wife are working on their graduate degrees has a blog. i found the link, and have been reading every so often. well, i've mentioned my disenchantment with the most prominent southern denomination on here before. and his most recent post kind of rekindled that. i didn't mean to pick a fight or debate, but i fear i have. oh, well. actually, i'm still more in searching mode. i was raised baptist/plymouth brethren/non-denominational (my dad grew up in the brethren assemblies, not to be confused with assembly of God)... so i was raised with the belief that baptism is only for those who have professed faith in Christ.

fast forward twenty-something years, hubby and i attend a pca church which practices covenental infant baptism. the reformed/covenental theological viewpoint, for my baptist friends, is that baptism is a symbol and seal of the covenant of grace... as believers in Christ, the covenant God made with Abraham extends to us and our children, and infant baptism replaced the sacrament of circumcision. The reason it's not mentioned much is not because it wasn't done, but because it was simply understood that children of believers would be recipients of the covenant of grace. Baptism does not save the child, it is a symbol of the promise God made to Abraham being extended to children of believers, much like circumcision was a symbol of the jews being set apart. Not all jews truly knew their Father.

well, i tend to overanalyze... everything. and while my head gets the covenental view, i confess, i am still very much baptist at heart. can't bring myself to baptize my daughter because in the context of just the new testament, all i see is "repent and be baptized" over and over and over.... my dad seems to think, well, i don't know what he thinks for sure, but i think it's pretty much sacriledge to him that we would even consider infant baptism. my in-laws, who pastored for 15 years, favor believer's baptism but figure grace pretty much covers it, so as parents it's up to us. after listening to dr. grant over and over and looking at the context of the entire Bible as he presents it, hubby now agrees with the covenental view, and would be fine with having baby bear baptized. i'm not quite ready. and now i'm initiating a discussion with someone who is getting theological training?

i take comfort in the fact that this person whose blog i've invaded does not seem to mind discussion. of course, if you don't want discussion, questions, or debate, don't blog publicly.

fyi, one site i've found quite interesting is "A Contemporary Reformed View of Infant Baptism".

i guess it will be interesting to see what food for thought/resources he (and others) can send my way!

are we being bribed?

when baby bear and i got home from having lunch with hubby and his coworkers, the development crew was out. apparently they had just reseeded next to the new sidewalk. we still have a nice big cliff. baby bear was sound asleep in her carseat, so i walked over to the bulldozer driver, who was friendly enough.

"can i help you?" he asked.
"i was just wondering if you know what they're planning to do to fix the drop off. you know they can't leave the cliff like that," i replied.
"i don't know, but i can ask him to come talk to you," (he nodded toward someone, who was nowhere in sight).
"that would be great," i replied. "i just need to go put my baby down for her nap."

well, whether or not whoever-he-is comes to share the developers' plans has yet to be seen. but as i walked back toward my house, i noticed extra seed on the front sidewalk. and yard. which is very far from the new sidewalk. it kind of reminds me of when i was in mexico, and the incumbent mayor of the pueblo i was in had put fresh dirt on the streets for his constituents. exxcept we got the leftover grass seed. i'm not complaining; our lawn needs all the help it can get. however, we don't want the side yard to slump down, sending our house with it. i had to call hubby and tell him about the "generous gift."

a few minutes later, i spoke with the supervisor, who said he doesn't know what the plans are, but he'll try to find out...

i'll keep y'all posted....

Fresh-pick off the Olive Tree:

A - Available/Single: Not available, thank you very much!
B - Best Friend: Hubby
C - Cake or Pie: Chocolate cake!
D - Drink of Choice: currently- sierra-mist with cranberry
E - Essential item you use everyday: computer
F - Favorite color: deep purple or deep red
G - Gummy bears or Worms: Bears, unless the worms are in a flower pot filled with chocolate pudding and ground up oreos
H - Hometown: although I wasn't born here, I consider TN home,
I - Indulgence: bubble baths and blogging. actually, the latter has become my addiction
J - January or February: February, because it's closer to Spring
K - Kids: Hannah-bear
L - Life is incomplete without: knowing God
M - Marriage Date: July 10, 1999
N - Number of siblings: 1 younger sister, 1 older brother , 1 younger sil, 2 older sils, 2 younger bils, 1 older bil
O - Oranges or Apples: oranges, except if the apples are cooked in lots of sugar or fresh cider
P - Phobias/Fear: something bad happening to hubby or baby
Q - Favorite Quote: "oh where is my hairbrush?"
R - Reason to Smile: baby playing peek-a-boo
S - Season: Spring
T - Tag: Anyone? Anyone? (Tag with my nieces is always an adventure)
U - Unknown fact about myself: I have a harmonica collection (but I don't play very well).
V - Vegetable you don't like: ???? ... one that's commercially canned and tastes like a dirty sock smells
W - Worst habit: procrastinating
X - X-ray: teeth, wrists, ankles, and probably chest
Y - Your favorite food: fresh shrimp
Z - Zodiac: virgo, supposedly. i think i'm proof they aren't accurate.

prayer requests

my good friend who inadvertently set up hubby and i is getting married in just over a month. we finally spoke on the phone last night, and wedding plans are in place, everything is coming together. however, a series of unfortunate events has put a huge strain on their finances. her house needs to sell. car transmission died. her computer crashed, worked for a week and half (just enough time to get out invitations), then died again, fiance's apartment was broken into and his personal and work computers were stolen, as well as his modem. in spite of all this, good friend sounds pretty upbeat and is rolling with the punches. please keep this friend, I'll call her PT, and her fiance, salsa cop, in your prayers.

another good friend, i'll call her World's Best Teacher, has been balancing family and work this semester. her dad was diagnosed with lung cancer that had spread to his brain and other locations. his most recent mri results are mixed. the radiation therapy apparently helped kill off the brain cancer cells... only scar tissue showed up on the mri. however, the cancer is continuing to spread in other parts of his body. so while the alzheimer-esque symptoms are going away, he is continuing to feel fatigued and having difficulty walking. WBT, her mom (Mrs. Librarian), and her Dad are thankful at least his personality has returned. they are all believers, and God is providing as much comfort and peace as you could expect them to feel. WBT has taken some time off to help her Mom care for her Dad, and they are trying to make the most of their time together. The docs won't estimate, but from WBT's research, expectancy for this type of cancer is 5-7 months from point of diagnosis. The docs' goal is to try to slow the growth and keep him comfortable, but the cancer is so severe, only a true miracle would heal him physically. WBT shared some good news with me- she was one of 4 randomly selected teachers from her school to receive a technology upgrade in her classroom. this upgrade includes a speaker system, document projector, dvd/vcr combo player, and microphones for the kid to use when giving oral reports, etc. it sounds like as close to heaven as you can get in a public school classroom. i am so thrilled for her, because she is so dedicated to her career and students, she will use the tools well.

evening update: WBT's dad will have 15 radiation sessions between now and february, targeting the cancer in his back that is casuing the most pain. Pray that these sessions are as effective as the radiation was on the brain cancer.

technology.... can't live with it, can't live without it....

i should be cleaning my kitchen or some other part of my horribly messy house, especially considering the mood that blogger has been in lately. it's like it's possessed, has a virus, somethin'. i keep telling myself "you get what you pay for!"

baby bear was sitting up like such a big girl watching baby einstein from the couch this afternoon. you know she's getting tired when she sits still. she was clapping to the music, giggling with glee at the animals. so cute! times like this are why i wonder "am i...?" with a tinge of hopefulness when my cycle is later than i think it should be. God's timing is perfect, and i keep telling myself that i am in no rush. so many women i know can't have kids biologically, and i feel fortunate to have our one.

i scrubbed the bathroom counters today... the look so much better. the kitchen floor was scrubbed on Sunday, and it already needs another washing. ah, life with kid.

the sidewalk is poured along the side of our lot. still waiting to see what they'll do about the slope/cliff. can't help but wonder who they tried to pay off but couldn't, since the sidewalk goes to nowhere for the time being.

Anyone else having difficulty commenting now that I switched to beta blogger?
Anyway, be sure to visit Stephanie's Olive Tree and check out her beautiful Christmas journal!

You think it's a small world?

So is the blogosphere!

I was blog-surfing last week, and came across the blog of someone who I've met at my parents' church. Her blog reminds me of Zann & Farmwife & the Nudge-Nudge gang. She is an avid scrapbooker and is journaling this Christmas season and sharing her work on her blog. If she gives me permission, I'll post a link. I might even get inspired enough to pick up where I left off on baby bear's book.

So, my question for you, my blogging buddies is...
how do you capture memories from your kids' childhood and preserve them? Are you like me, collecting them digitally, trying to make sure my date setting is correct on my camera so I remember when they were taken, but not getting them printed often enough. Are you a scrapping queen, a junkie of any particular scrapbook brand, or a bargain supply hunter (if you do that, what are your secrets for saving money... hubby wants me to know!) Do you have a system in place or just tackle it in the late nights and early mornings, reminiscent of all-nighters from the college days, like a dear member of my family does when she has a project she is working on?

Lately, the blog has been my digital scrapbook. I have the same 2 1/2 pages of her actual book completed that I did 3 months ago. Perhaps there is a tad bit of hidden perfectionist in me, one that doesn't want to do it unless I can do it "right". But if I wait for perfection, it'll never get done. as That Grace says on her Random-Grace blog... "what's the point in perfect?"

cravings and contentment

note... this post is a little personal, might make some uncomfortable... read at your own risk)

i've been craving popcorn for at least a week. it has turned into a nightly ritual. after baby bear is tucked into her crib, i pop a bag of popcorn and munch on it as i read blogs or post on my own.
i also found myself going back to my calendar, where, like farmwife, i note my cycle. i'm so irregular, it's annoying. i also have historically had a hard time about 8 days a month... emotionally and physically. (those of you blessed with short periods have no idea. i had to go home early from school on several occasions, it was that bad.) i'm thankful to say that the medicine i was prescribed seems to really be helping the emotional part of that. and since having a baby, the physical part isn't quite as bad as before, but it's still worse than some women have ever had to deal with.) well, after baby bear was born, hubby and i (mostly i) decided that at least for the time being, we would use other means of birth control besides chemical. so, now that my cycle is back to being regularly irregular, if it's just a day or too "late", i find myself wondering "am i....?" i then usually go to the dollar tree for a test or two, and my visitor comes the day or two after wasting a buck. i was beginning to wonder, "am i.....?" again this month. until today. bought the test and everything, but didn't waste it. didn't need to, so now i'm stocked for the next "am i...?" incident. so, my cravings are apparently my body's new response to my pms. i like this symptom much better than what i used to experience. though at some point i will have to practice self control and not snack so much after 8 p.m. today at mom's group, i was looking around at the 2 and 3 month old nurslings with their mommies, realizing how quickly time has passed and how much i loved having a baby (even with the stresses and lack of consistent nursing success). it's funny how my mind can minimize the hard times when i see the wonderful outcome. anyway, i was wondering.. "am i...ready?" thankfully, this month i don't have to be. which is a good thing, because if you scroll down to the very bottom of my blog, we have a family vacation planned in a certain amount of time, and if i had been pregnant, baby's due date would have been a little too close for comfort to that trip. though a beachfront delivery could be exciting.

now on to topic two of this post... contentment

i used to think my struggles with contentment were something purely spiritual. in the past month, i've realized that perhaps they weren't. oh, some part of the struggle is. however, for as long as i can remember, no matter how hard i tried to "let go" of that tugging underlying anxiety that seemed to be there for no reason, i couldn't. i would pray more, read the Bible more, listen to more music. it always returned. as a teenager and college student pondering my life's future, why i didn't have a boyfriend, etc..., my dad always quoted the verse "godliness with contentment is great gain." it drove me nuts. i was trying to be godly. i knew i should be content. but..... over time, God did give me a level of contentment with my life. He thern blessed me with a wonderful husband and supportive family. most recently, He gave us a perfect little girl. and He helped me let go of my pride and consider help that i could have had a long time ago. it's not like taking a "happy pill", no it's so much more subtle. i'm thankful for that, too. i didn't want a drastic change, just to feel like myself again.

******

hubby's not home tonight. he is actually staying with his parents', since he had to work near them today. when baby bear and i called him, i put him on speakerphone so she could hear daddy's voice. she started saying "dada" and looking at the garage door, awaiting his arrival. when she realized he wasn't coming through the door, she started looking at our family picture on the wall.

good night my friends, my heart has wandered long enough for the evening. or at least, my fingers have.

blessings of family

reading some of my friends' blogs, as well as an experience i had today, remind me not to take our proximity to family lightly. i grew up living 14 hours from my grandparents; hubby grew up within minutes of his, for the most part. we currently live about 35 minutes away from my parents. close enough to visit, not too close. we don't take advantage of them enough, we have yet to have a date night.. other than the double date night we took in indy with crt and computer guy. at the same time, all of us have our privacy. hubby's parents live about 3 hours away. a little too far, but close enough for weekend trips.

while bear and i were in line at the post office (behind just one other person- not bad for the post office at Christmas), the clerk and the woman in front of me saw my daughter and started talking about how far away their only grandbabies are... between 5 and 7 hours. they reminded me to be grateful that baby bear clung to her granwendy at the beginning of her cousin's birthday party, as she soaked in the excitement and checked out the new faces around her. she didn't know everyone, but she knew her grandparents! in fact, she's seen her cousin's other grandparents enough that she is starting to recognize them as part of her extended family, too.

yes, the 6 hour drive to my niece's house is a little too far, but it's close enough so that we don't have to wait a whole year to see them.

sunday musings...

baby bear slept in til 8 a.m. today. we enjoyed the extra rest. i worked in her nursery class at church. while we had the kids around the table at snacktime, one little boy was so tired that he fell asleep sitting up at the table. i gently lifted him out of his booster and laid him in the crib. he stayed there until his daddy came to get him.

baby bear took an afternoon nap, so did we. after dinner i mopped the floor. murphy's oil soap is my new favorite wood floor cleaner. and the pampered chef dish scraper works great for scraping up dried gunk that somehow didn't get wiped up when it was fresh.

be sure to visit baby bear's blog to see some cute new pics & read more of my adventures in parenting.

sweet, sweet rest

baby bear slept from 9:30 to 5 last night, so hubby and i got lots of sleep compared to thursday night.

her meds seem to be kicking in, and i think she's well enough to go celebrate her cousin's 1st birthday.

yard destruction

well, we've lived in this house for 3 1/2 years. for those of you who don't know the history, we, naive first time homebuyers opted not to use a realtor. we bought in a brand new neighborhood, and assumed everything would be perfect. we paid a lot premium for a corner lot. a week or two after we moved in, they came in and started cutting out where the street next to our house will go. this resulted in a big hill and a little cliff at the back corner of our lot. it was slightly sloped when we closed, but not too steep. we kept getting promises from the builders that they would put in a retaining wall when they build behind us, yada yada yada... e-mailed codes last spring and wrote another letter to the developer this summer.... received a written response that they would begin fixing the cliff later in the summer. it's november, and today they dug up where they are going to put the sidewalk next to our house. this makes the cliff steeper. i suspect i'll be contacting codes again to find out how and when they are going to make them put in a retaining wall. i'll try to take pics and post them tomorrow. bottom line- we love our house and neighbors, mostly. but we will never recommend that anybody purchase from the developer of this community due to their land development issues. they finally repaved the streets this summer, but they are still tearing out and redoing sidewalks around the neighborhood because something wasn't right.

please pray that they do actually do the retaining wall right, since the current situation is prime for slumping. this state's consumer protection is pretty week. i believe some states would require builders to have the streets/lot development done before the homes can be built...

live,learn, and try not to break your leg or neck mowing the yard.....

we're insane, certifiably

hubby was off work today, and we had planned to hit the mall formerly known as opryland for weeks. well, as mentioned in comments from yesterday's post, bear had a rough night. we had a rough nightright along with her. we took her to the doctor, where the fabulous lab techs did a much better job finding her veins than my nurses did finding mine when she was born. though she wasn't tugging at her ear, she was showing early signs of an ear infection. she finally pooped, after being fed juice and fruit all day yesterday. oh, and last night, when i came home from bunko, she was hunched over on daddy's lap, angry. we tried everything... she didn't have a decent poop til we got to the doctor's office. (this is not new for her, but she had been doing so much better lately...) anyway, of course the tylenol kicked in to lower her temp there, but i told our favorite nurse practitioner what was going on, and based on the blood tests and my description she thought it could be a hint of the same old thing that everyone else is fighting... plus an ear infection.

so we stopped by the pharmacy, got the script (unfortunately not one of the new $4 generics, but covered so not TOO outrageously over-priced), got baby bear home and down for her nap. she slept for an hour and a half (fell asleep in the car, actually, and fell back asleep after being put in her crib). when she woke up, she was in a much better mood, and i knew it would be-a) shop on my own with baby bear next week. or b) all 3 of us tough it out together. we opted for option b). it was a tough call, but she loved seeing the "animals" outside the rainforest cafe. hubby and i found gifts for eachother and 2/3 of our family, and i was so proud of how well she toughed it out. i know, it was probably not the wisest thing to have her out in public, don't hate us for it. it was a tough call, being the only day we'd have to shop together on a non weekend...

when we put her down tonight, i noticed the "new" music box that she has fallen in love with was crooked. it has 2 german children on it and plays "somewhere my love". it's actually quite old. my dad gave it to me, i have fond memories of playing chinese checkers with aunt vivian and listening to it over and over and over in my grandparents' basement. aunt vivian wasn't really related to us, but she boarded with my grandparents and was like family whenever we visited my grandparents. anyway, it turns out the last time hubby took it down to wind it, bear snatched it and knocked it onto the floor... now it's crooked. i'm slightly miffed. but he will try to fix it.

anyway, it still works, and it lulled our sweet baby bear to dreamland when we finally got home tonight. she may not get to go to her cousin' first birthday party tomorrow, though..
i'm still trying to figure out how God gave us the energy to make it through the day. our afternoon nap wasn't as long as bear's.

tired

why am i so sleepy? new meds? too much sleep? i went to bed around 9:00 last night... yes, you saw that right... i should be ready to go full speed ahead.

baby bear is napping, i should be washing that ridiculously gross kitchen floor, but i want a nap, too....

i'm going to have to start writing proverbs 31 woman verses on post-its and sticking them everywhere. or warnings against slothfulness.

snow?

we've joined the rest of the country with winter. we had a brief flurry this morning, as well as a few wandering flakes falling from the sky around lunchtime. nothing stuck, of course.

a penny for jenny

i read an article in the newspaper today, about a woman who is younger than me and is fighting breast cancer. it brought back memories of when i worked as a scheduling coordinator, helping patients schedule radiology exams (mri's, ct scans, pet scans) after they were approved by their insurance. one of "my" patients was a 24 year old who was fighting cancer. the woman in the article is 27 and she dresses up for her chemo appointments.

anyway, click on the link above to read more of jenny's story. and say a few prayers for her while you are at it!

media

I am not a huge katie couric fan. rarely watched her on "today", and don't watch her much now that she's hit prime time. a couple of nights ago, we were flipping channels, and she was doing an segment about religious/faith-oriented films in which she interviewed a bigwig at FoxFaith. She had the audacity to ask the man something like, "are you concerned that non-Christians will be offended by religious programming?"

A mainstream company is taking steps to provide family-friendly programming, and the liberal media is trying to twist it into the whole separation-of-church-and-everything agenda. (For the record, I am sure the "family friendly studio" is driven by business decisions, not moral conviction.)

Give me a break.

why is it that i can't even put a pre-made crust over the top of a pot pie without messing it up? (ok, the answer is i didn't let it come to room temp before trying to unroll it... who ever heard of reading instructions on those things, anyway?)

i kept the hideously ugly one for us and brought the not-quite-so -ugly one to our friend who has a newborn.

now to clean up the kitchen...

the over-commercialization of coffee

and coffee-based drinks, for that matter. a few weeks back, i mentioned the new coffee place within walking distance of our subdivision. well, it opened, i believe thanksgiving week, but i'm not sure. you know, the same franchise that's in every new target, on every block in the big cities. it's hardly just for coffee snobs anymore. in fact, true coffee lovers tell me that since the company hit uber-growth mode the quality has gone down hill.

i'm not a true coffee aficionada. the only time my coffee grinder gets used is when tech mom and dad or crt's hubby are here. maybe if ian's master pays a visit, too. tea is more my speed. i am, however a sucker for sweet coffee-based drinks, especially those that include caramel or chocolate. or both.

however, as i was chatting with crt as the new green-logo came into my view, i mentioned that i hadn't been there yet. my wandering impulses kicked in. while i threatened to blame crt for my lack of self-control, i can't do that. and darn it, hubby must have taken the $10 bill that we discovered in the ash tray on sunday. so now my purchase would be traceable on the monthly credit card statement audit.

my tall peppermint mocha was well worth it. i will resist the urge to make it a daily ritual. at 3.71 a pop, that's just not in our budget.

from the mailbox...

junk mail
invitation to the wedding of the friend who inadvertently hooked up hubby and me
our very first Christmas card of the season- from Zann!!!

in my crock pot...

4 pork chops
1 yellow onion, chopped
1 can chicken broth
1 can water
1/2 pack mushrooms, chopped
5 small-medium potatoes
salt, pepper, and garlic to taste

smells yummy! i suspect it's read to eat, even though it was set to cook for 6 hours.
i know, it needs some greens... it's just a miracle that i am pretending to cook.

on my nightstand...

the mommy manual, by barbara curtis
Twelve Extraordinary Women, by John MacArthur

one of these days I'll read them instead of (or in addition to) feeding my blogging addiction.

back to church

after a 3 week absence, we made it to church. maybe it was just 2 weeks. anyway, our church is far from perfect, but there are many things i love about it.

...mrs. lavelle, who took such great care of baby bear in the nursery when she was a little cub last year. we ran into her and one of the other newborn-room volunteers today, and baby bear even let her old caretaker hold her for a little bit. she is a cancer fighter/survivor and knowing how much she loves the little ones made it that much easier to put her into the nursery

...the fact that baby bear gets over her separation anxiety pretty quicky and plays well with the other kids, most of the time.

... that even though it belongs to a particular denomination, it doesn't feel denominational. all who have trusted Jesus as their savior are welcome to partake of communion, regardless of whether or not they are members at our church.

... the practice of church traditions such as advent customs and creeds, along with the mix of contemporary worship songs.

my niece is growing up

she lost her first tooth and learned that the tooth fairy is "real".

barbershop

a few years ago, after we moved out of tech mom & dad's upstairs and into our own place, we returned back to our apartment after ordering our tv from sears to find $25 coupon in the mail. we didn't even have the tv in hand yet, so we went back to the store, talked to a manager, and ended up getting a $25 gift card out of the deal. we used that gift card to buy our very first (and only) clipper set. hubby was about to start police academy, and his wavy locks had to go. one day, i even scalped one of the other trainees. yep, i was officialy part of the family. up to that point, hubby's mom still cut his hair, except for while he was away at college.

playing barber is not my favorite thing to do. thankfully, hubby takes care of the clean-up, but that feeling of bits of hair... ugh... well, this weekend i couldn't delay the inevitable any longer. i had been sick for almost 2 weeks, but i was now well enough to break out the clippers and mow down hubby's hair. (people wonder where baby bear gets her waves because her daddy keeps his hair so short now). he claims it had been 8 weeks since his last trim, and that his hair was becoming a "fro".

i must admit, he looks mighty fine with a fresh haircut. some days i even miss the hubby-in-uniform with freshly cut hair combo. then i remember that we've seen more of one another the past year with his new job, and baby bear sees her daddy far more than she would have with his old job. oh, yeah, we actually get to sleep together in the same bed. it took a while getting used to that again, but i think i'll keep him around.

popcorn

growing up, my dad made the best popcorn. we had a popper that consisted of a base with an electrical coil in it and a kettle/bowl with a handle and lid. a little oil, salt, pepper and garlic, and popcorn kernels... a few minutes later, we would top it off with melted butter. yum.

these days i don't own a popcorn popper. if i did, i think i'd want the old fashioned kind that you put on the stove top and crank to keep the kernels from sticking. there's just something about "kettle-popped" corn that tastes better. i've been munching on the mini- bags lately. but even though the bag works just fine, i always have to pour my popcorn into a bowl. for some reason, it just tastes better that way. oh, and tonight i munched on some of those divine chocolates that i mentioned a few days ago right along with the popcorn. double yum.

blast from the past

during my bsu days at utm, i had the privilege of meeting some very talented musicians. one of them even wrote some of the praise & worship songs that were sung at our gatherings. i think i sstill have some of the chord sheets from my brief time on the praise team.

well, i haven't kept in touch with some of my old acquaintances very well, but a while back i found some blogs of people i knew back then, and i occasionally get nosy and see what's going on in their lives... i confess, i have a little bit of a spy in me.

it turns out, daniel doss and his band have signed a record deal! daniel is a worship leader at a church about an hour north of here. his dad was the choir director at the church that became my home away from home those 5 years of college, and his family was well known in the northwest tn for their musical talent.

so, folks, keep your eyes and ears open for the daniel doss band. daniel had such a heart for glorifying God through music. they already have some independent recordings. it will be exciting to see what doors God will open next!

too cute...

so, i went upstairs to rescue bear from her cage. there she stood, pants down (one leg still caught on her foot, the other leg missing her shoe and sock). thankfully, spongy diaper was still in tact. but what a cute sight!

she was apparently bitter upon realizing her video had ended and her mommy still hadn't returned to save her.

there's sometimes a fine line between what belongs on her blog and mine, but this screen was up, so here it's posted.

child neglect

baby bear has been watching a blues clues tape (yes, i said tape. it was a hand me down. we have a dvd/vcr combo thingy) from her pack and play for far too long now. the good mom in me knows i should go upstairs, take her out and let her roam a bit.

but she's happy, squealing with delight over something, and i was able to get a shower, grab some campbell's soup (nothing compared to farm wife's concoction), and even blog a bit.

now i must go tend to my little one. her happy squeals of delight have turned to "where are you mom?" pouts... soon to be shrieks of anger.

autumn stroll -part 2

it was warm again today, so baby bear and i walked over to the next street and visited pixie and peanut, who were playing outside with their mommy. pixie is 2 1/2, and peanut is 9 months old. it was nice to see them! the temp is supposed to drop to the 40's tomorrow, serving as a reminder that it really is almost Christmas.

as for the multitude of chores i needed to do? ha. i swept the kitchen. didn't wash it (yet), just swept it. i also took a nap of my own during baby bear's afternoon siesta.

baby bear just finished a banana and a cup of watered-down apple juice. she'll be in heaven when she starts drinking undiluted juices in about 5 years. i'm typing at the kitchen table, and she keeps smiling at me with that adorable single-toothed grin as she munches on some crackers.

bloggers anonymous

anybody know a chapter i can join? i think i'm addicted.

if you catch me on here tomorrow before noon, be sure to ask if i've completed any of my chores. and no, taking my shower or putting baby bear into clothes (instead of pj's) do not count as chores.

more new babies...

our neighbor (well, about 20 houses down, we live in suburbia) delivered her twin boys at 32 weeks. they weighed in at almost 5 lbs. one of them is coming home tomorrow, the other will stay in the hostpital for another week. i don't know all the details, but i did hear through the grapevine that one was delivered naturally (practically fell out?), but they had to do an emergency c-section for the other because he was breached and his heartbeat disappeared from the monitor. pray for beth and jason, their 2 1/2 year old, kate, and of course, the new baby boys, thomas and jacob.

isn't 32 weeks practically considered full term for twins?

me and baby bear 11/14/06

i thought i'd go ahead and "reveal" myself to those of you who i haven't met irl. you can also catch occasional glimpses of me on baby bear's blog. The pics that include me are usually taken by Caslon and her hubby, as my dear hubby rarely uses our camera. I think the last picture he took was in the hospital at baby bear's birth 13 months ago. Thankfully his younger sister and her hubby have a talent for photography. however, they didn't take this picture. robert at sears did. you see, my baby sis is doing seasonal work at sears photo, and we had pics of our girls made together. while we were at it, i went ahead and got one with me and her.

baby bear was in a more somber mood. actually, she had been fussing all that morning, so i was pleased with the results we got.

books, everywhere!

our usborne book order arrived today. one of my friends is a consultant, and i had a show for her a couple of weeks ago.

i have to say, i LOVE the touchy-feely and lift-the-flap books. they will be great vocab builders. baby bear loves them, too. i gave her a preview of her Christmas gifts as well as the ones we are giving to her cousins before naptime. now i have to hide them or she won't wait until Christmas.

i also have to add that usborne's hostess plan is pretty good. i did the show because i wanted to help my friend, who is 15-weeks along with #4. it was nice to reconnect with her and the friends who came, and take care of some shopping without leaving my home! it's easy to get "partied" out, but this one was worth having.

autumn stroll

while the weather has been frightful in the northwest, we've enjoyed a few mild days this week. granted, i would still like to get snowed in at least once this winter. it's been a couple of years since we had enough snow to shut down this ill-equipped southern state. of course, it must be on my terms... it can snow us in when we go to Memphis for Christmas after great-gramma's flight arrives and the rest of us comlete our road trips, especially crt and caslon's entourages.

anyway, i pulled baby bear's big stroller out of the coat closer and took her for a walk yesterday afternoon. it felt good to get some fresh air. the wind was a little too brisk, so it was much shorter than i had hoped, but both of us enjoyed it. i'm sure the number of days that don't require coats is limited, even here.

impulse buy

we went to costco last week. we had our list so we wouldn't go overboard. guess who deviated from the list? if it were me, that would be no surprise. alas, it was dear hubby. you know, the one i not-so-lovingly refer to as receipt nazi when he gets on a roll. also the one who makes it possible for me to stay home with our little girl because he is wise with finances. his last impulse buy in my presence was a little bunny that has "i love daddy" embroidered on its tummy. that was before baby bear was born. this purchase? the "chocolates of the world" canister of yummy chocolates. i hope there are some left when my taste buds return. i'm sure they won't last until the holidays, as he tried to say when he picked them up at the store.